+0
Hi,
This is my first time here. I have an essay due on Friday and today we were in our peer response groups and I had another student proof read my essay. I am not sure I agree with a few things that my proof reader put down as incorrect. If you need the whole essay I can post it as well. Thanks~
Here is the first sentence:

I believe that Dalton makes some good points in his argument however, I think that he needs to take into consideration that Alger wrote these books over 100 years ago. (its indicated that it is a run on sentence)

I would think that if it is a run on sentence the way to fix it would be this:

I believe that Dalton makes some good points in his argument(I would probably put a comma or a semi colon here) however, I think......

There are 2 more sentences in which I write therefore, but my reader did not indicate what the problem was. All that was done was a circle with an arrow. I probably should have looked at it before I got home to make sure I understood what the person meant. Here are the other the other 2 and the way I think they may need to be fixed.

On this one the person has the comma circled after therefore and puts an arrow before the word therefore and after the word economically.

Dalton maintains his position by indicating that not all people may be the same socially or economically therefore, success may not be attainable for everyone.

Dalton maintains his position by indicating that not all people may be the same socially or economically(I would probably put a comma or a semi colon here) therefore, success may.....

This is the last one: on this one its is circled between truth and therefore. I am not sure what the person is looking for

However, he feels that Americans will see Alger’s writings as absolute truth. Therefore, not seeing Alger’s work for what it is pure fiction.

I am not sure how to correct this one. I think it looks ok to me.

Thanks, any help would be appreciated.

Peace~
+0
Possible rewrite with a minimum number of changes.

I believe that Dalton makes some good points in his argument; however, I think that he needs to take into consideration that Alger wrote these books over 100 years ago.

Dalton maintains his position by indicating that not all people may be the same socially or economically, therefore success may not be attainable for everyone.

However, he feels that Americans will see Alger’s writings as absolute truth, therefore not seeing Alger’s work for what it is - pure fiction.

Possible rewrite with more changes.

Dalton raises some valid points to make his case, but he fails to consider that Alger wrote these books more than 100 years ago.

In defending his position, Dalton argues that success may not be attainable for everyone because people are not all socially or economically equal.

However, he feels that Americans will take Alger's work for absolute truth rather than for what it is - pure fiction.
Comments  
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Thank you very much!!!! You have been very helpful.
You're very welcome! Now don't be a stranger! Y'all come back soon, y' hear! Emotion: smile