+0
StartFragment>

Can someone tell me what's possibly wrong with the below text please, and whether it has any unnatural constructions.

Adolescence is a very important period in one's life, where the identity of the self is formed through interaction with parents and other family members, and it is the period where one's future ahead is prepared. However in the case of adolescents running away from home, the relational ties with family are severed, and through experiencing many chaotic circumstances, it could lead to a breakaway from family and school, which results in the adolescent not going through the proper societal process for becoming a productive member of society, and even becoming an outcast of society in the end, completing a vicious circle.
Comments  
Hi,

Can someone tell me what's possibly wrong with the below text please, and whether it has any unnatural constructions.

Adolescence is a very important period in one's life, where the identity of the self is formed through interaction with parents and other family members, and it is the period where one's future ahead is prepared. However, in the case of adolescents running away from home, the relational ties with family are severed, and through experiencing many chaotic circumstances it could lead to a breakaway from family and school, which results in the adolescent not going through the proper societal process for becoming a productive member of society, and even becoming an outcast of society in the end, completing a vicious circle.

Your last sentence is too long, and lacks focus, eg what does 'it' refer to?You need to rewrite it, probably using shorter sentences.

Best wishes, Clive
Thanks a lot for the reply, I see the error with 'it' now.

I've modified it to be the following:

Adolescence is a very important period in one's life, where the identity of the self is formed through interaction with parents and other family members, and it is the period where one's future is prepared. However in the case of adolescents running away from home, the relational ties with family are severed, and experiencing many chaotic circumstances could lead to a breakaway from family and school, which results in the adolescent not going through the proper societal process for becoming a productive member of society, and even becoming an outcast of society in the end, completing a vicious circle.
Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.
Hi,

Adolescence is a very important period in one's life, where the identity of the self is formed through interaction with parents and other family members, and it is the period where one's future is prepared. However, in the case of adolescents running away from home, the relational ties with family are severed, and experiencing many chaotic circumstances may/can lead to a breakaway from family and school. This often results in the adolescent not going through the proper societal process for becoming a productive member of society and even in his or her becoming an outcast of society in the end, completing a vicious circle.

Clive
Thanks for the additional clarifications, that flows a lot better.

But I have a question about the 'may/can' part (where I used 'could' instead).

Is 'could' wrong (or does it have a level of wrongness to it that clearly warrants it not being used in preference to may/can)? Or is it pretty much interchangable with may/can, although maybe slightly inferior?
Hi again,

I have a question about the 'may/can' part (where I used 'could' instead).

Is 'could' wrong (or does it have a level of wrongness to it that clearly warrants it not being used in preference to may/can)? No.

Or is it pretty much interchangable with may/can, although maybe slightly inferior? 'Could' makes the event seem more hypothetical, less likely to happen..

Clive
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
Ah, ok I got it, thanks Clive.