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Modern day, a number of advertising aimed at young children and some people said that it should be forbidden. While marketing can have several disadvantage under pressure under children. I believe it should not be completely banned.

On the one hand, commercials aimed at children can have damaging impact, particularly on the relationship between parents and their children. A large of children are easily manipulated to want things they see in advertisement such as television, social website and the like and this may cause disagree between parents and their love children. If their parents deny children of something they want resulting in their children will hate parent. Moreover, advertising purposed at young children can have negative effects on their health, as fast food and junk food companies had utilized well many marketing strategies toward children. Therefore, children are easily persuaded to purchase these unhealthy food and as consequence, can be risk of many severest diseases such as cancer, obesity and the like.

On the other hand, I think that advertising aimed at children should not be absolutely banned because it plays important role in economy companies and a country. For instance, if government enact a ban on advertising aimed at children, a large of products companies will be sold and goods will be taken consider into. In addition, many companies will slide down about a decreases in sales and profits, finally unemployment rates and economy. A number of workers are doing in marketing field, may become unemployed and resulting in the government will be provide temporary financial support for those unemployed people.

In conclusion, although advertising aimed at children bring negative affects regarding brain children, family relationship and health, Should not be banned completely because of unreasonable problems.

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Your level of English is too low for IELTS essays. They are challenging for advanced English students, but your level is high-beginner or low-intermediate.

Please post sentences in the grammar forum to practice and get feedback on sentences that you write all by yourself.

Do not copy essays and make a few changes. This is not good.
An examiner knows when you do this. They will give you a band score of zero.

Modern day, a number of advertising aimed at young children and some people said that it should be forbidden. While marketing can have several disadvantage under pressure under children. I believe it should not be completely banned.

Modern day, ("Modern day" is a noun phrase. It does not have a grammatical function - subject or object - in your sentence, so it is an error.)

a number of advertising aimed at young children (This is a noun phrase. It does not have a grammatical function in your sentence, so it is an error. Also, advertising is non-count, so you cannot count or number it. )

and some people said that it should be forbidden. (That is a good, grammatical clause. You copied it correctly, substituting "forbidden" for "banned.")

While marketing can have several disadvantage (Several means a small number. But the noun "disadvantage" means one thing. You have an error in the form of the noun.)

under pressure under children. (While these prepositional phrases are grammatical, they do not make logical sense in that sentence. Also, this is not a complete sentence; it is a dependent "while" clause and "while" is not the correct conjunction you need.)

I believe it should not be completely banned. ( That is a grammatical sentence. You copied it correctly. but it does not answer the question "to what extent do you agree?" You gave an question to a different question: "To what extent should it be banned?" You will lose some points if you do not answer the essay prompt exactly.)


The words you substituted into the essay that you copied from an online source did not work. You did not understand the sentences you copied very well, so you introduced errors into the text.

On the one hand, commercials aimed at children can have damaging impact, particularly on the relationship between parents and their children. A large of children are easily manipulated to want things they see in advertisement (You did not copy this word correctly) such as television, (A television is not an advertisement.) social website and the like and this may cause disagree between parents and their love children. If their parents deny children of something they want resulting in their children will hate parent. Moreover, advertising purposed at young children can have negative effects on their health, as fast food and junk food companies had utilized well many marketing strategies toward children. Therefore, children are easily persuaded to purchase these unhealthy food and as consequence, can be risk of many severest diseases such as cancer, obesity and the like.

On the other hand, I think that advertising aimed at children should not be absolutely banned because it plays important role in economy companies and a country. For instance, if government enact a ban on advertising aimed at children, a large of products companies will be sold and goods will be taken consider into. In addition, many companies will slide down about a decreases in sales and profits, finally unemployment rates and economy. A number of workers are doing in marketing field, may become unemployed and resulting in the government will be provide temporary financial support for those unemployed people.

In conclusion, although advertising aimed at children bring negative affects regarding brain children, family relationship and health, Should not be banned completely because of unreasonable problems.


Here is the essay that you copied from this page:

https://ieltspracticeonline.com/ielts-writing-actual-test-07-12-2019-advertising/


Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Sample Answer:

These days, a large amount of advertising is aimed at children and some people feel that it should be banned. While advertising can have several negative impacts on children, I believe it should not be completely banned.

On the one hand, commercials aimed at children can have a detrimental impact, particularly on the relationship between parents and their children. Many children are easily manipulated to want things they see in advertisements, and this may cause conflicts between parents and children if parents deny their children of something they want. In addition, advertising targeted at children can have negative effects on their health, as many fast food and junk food companies these days direct their marketing strategies towards children, making their products appear to be healthy and appealing. Unfortunately, most children do not understand the concept of advertising and are easily persuaded to purchase these unhealthy foods, and as a consequence, can be at risk of many serious health issues, such as obesity and diabetes.

On the other hand, I feel that there should not be a ban on advertising aimed at children because advertising is one of the key aspects of a prosperous economy. If bans were to be placed on commercials, many companies would suffer from a decrease in sales and profits, which would eventually affect unemployment rates and the economy. For example, Coca Cola provides thousands of employment opportunities in advertising throughout its branches across different regions around the world. If advertising was banned, a large number of workers, such as marketers, may become unemployed, and as a result, the government will have to provide temporary financial support for those unemployed people.

In conclusion, although advertising aimed at children may have certain negative impacts regarding family relationships and health, imposing a prohibition on it is unreasonable.

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