'The cliché, "All is fair in love and war," implies that people can suspend the law or the rules in special circumstances.'
' "All is fair in love and war" - Behavior that is unpleasant or not fair is acceptable during an argument or competition.'
'ALL'S FAIR in love and war, we hear at a tender age. Though this is tempered by schoolboy concepts of fair play and never hit a man when he's down. Fair play is reasonable if you don't mean to win at any cost and the other guy doesn't mean to kill you, but all that goes by the board in any genuine confrontation. Juvenile tussles are one thing; a real fight is definitely something else. And so is real love and real hatred and anything else that's real. You don't learn to play poker by wagering matchsticks. Vae victis, or, as we say in English: Losers weepers.
"All's fair in love and war," quotes Frank Farleigh (1850, by Francis Edward Smedley, 1818 - 1864) and is the popular paraphrase of "Love and War are the same thing, and stratagems and polity are as allowable in the one as in the other." - Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616), Don Quixote (1605 -1615)'
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I've mostly heard 'AFiL&W' where the context is 'love', rather than war. When applied to 'war', it has almost the air of a novelty.
The usual context would be something like:
'Tarquin, by a fiendish subterfuge, has engineered the absence of gullible Pozzo for 3 days; during which time he seduces Dorothea, of whom gullible Pozzo is enamoured. AFiL&W.'
'Sultry Colomba informs Gigi that the seemingly innocent Nicoletta has been found in compromising circumstances with indefatigable Charlie Holmes. It is a lie, of course; but Gigi, furious, breaks off his engagement to Nicoletta and sweeps sultry Colomba off for a rampant weekend in Monte Carlo. AFiL&W.'
It seems to me that the phrase is in effect 'all's fair in war' humorously extended to include 'love'.
Think the difference between playing a game where the outcome is simply a learning experience (win / lose or draw) a war which is a fight to the death or the pursuit of someone you are totally in love with. There is no such thing as a fair fight. The woman of your dreams should be fought for. In fact she may even respect and love you more because it shows that you are a protector of the things you love.
Love and War are things to be compared and contrasted. Love is something that has no rules and people feel like with the two, you fight to win. There is always a point at which in the two you shall stop. War should and does have rules, it can't be attacked the way people attack love. Love has no rules to it, so that is why it works or it does not. Love is something that isn't fair as in war. People will and won't fight for the two, so where do you decide what in fact is or isn't fair? Is all fair in love and war?
well there are no rules when it comes to love & war :
ALL IS FAIR