I received this in email the other day.
**
Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.

And the winners are...
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedlyanswer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after youare run over by a steamroller
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by aproctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishexpressions.
14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soulgoes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts

Dena Jo
Email goes to denajo2 at the dot com variation of the Yahoo domain. Have I confused you? Go here:
http://myweb.cableone.net/denajo/emailme.htm
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Subject: Alternative meanings

Make that "alternate."

Dena Jo
Email goes to denajo2 at the dot com variation of the Yahoo domain. Have I confused you? Go here:
http://myweb.cableone.net/denajo/emailme.htm
Subject: Alternative meanings

Make that "alternate."

"Alternative" would be correct in BrE.

Katy Jennison
spamtrap: remove the first two letters after the @
Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Are any other BrE readers reminded of "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue"?
Dena Jo forwards:
Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. And the winners are... 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Hmm. I thought that was the normal meaning of that one.
Mark Brader, Toronto > In the affairs of this world men are saved, (Email Removed) > not by faith, but by the want of it. Franklin
Dena Jo forwards:

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. And the winners are

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Hmm. I thought that was the normal meaning of that one.

Frisbeetarianism is more properly a sniglet.
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Subject: Alternative meanings

Make that "alternate."

Only if you switch back and forth between meanings! Graham
Subject: Alternative meanings

Make that "alternate."

How often do they alternate?

Steve Hayes from Tshwane, South Africa
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/7734/stevesig.htm
E-mail - see web page, or parse: shayes at dunelm full stop org full stop uk
Make that "alternate."

How often do they alternate?

Currently or directly?
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