Hello,

Dear teachers, there's something that really worries me. I'm a transaltor and my mother tongue is Arabic. I'm good at English, but sometimes I think I sound ackward because I think in my own langauge and write in English. Lately I wrote something (it meant to be a song) I'm just a beginner Emotion: big smile I want you to read it please and tell me wether or not it makes sense to you as antive speakers.

Here I come to you..
Because I failed to forget,
To heal for I'm mentally sick,
To get away from regrets,

Every place I ran to,
was deporting me with its freeze..
Every remedy I turned to,
was aggravating my disease..

Here I come to you,
When all the streets,
All the gardens,
All the pavements,
were stopping me from walking without you..

When all the shores,
All the ports,
All the doors,
were keeping me from leaving without you..

Here I come to you..
When the features of my face,
The lines of my hands,
The cords of my voice,
Had forgotten me,
And kept reminiscing about you..

When everything around me..
was rejecting me,
hating me,
killing me,
Without you..

Here I come to you,
Owning nothing but my name,
Knowing nothing but my pain,

Here I come to you,
Don't know where this road leads to,
But I know for sure that
when I decided to leave,
You were healed,
And I chose to bleed..


Thank you very much.

((sorry I had posted it without signing in Emotion: tongue tied))
Since I do not know Arabic, I cannot say how much that language has influenced your English here. Much of your song is good, some of it is oddly or incorrectly phrased.

PS: I am moving your thread to the Songwriting forum.
Hello,

some of it is oddly or incorrectly phrased.

Could you please tell me about them more so that I correct them?

thank you for commenting.
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
I can't do all of it, Darene, because I cannot deal with the altered rhythms and rhymes. Here are some suggestions for the first 2 verses, but you will have to fix the rhyme and meter:

Here I come to you,
Because I couldn't forget,
To heal my mental sickness,
To get away from regrets,

Every place I ran to,
Froze me out.
Every remedy I turned to
Made everything worse.

Mister MicawberSince I do not know Arabic, I cannot say how much that language has influenced your English here. Much of your song is good, some of it is oddly or incorrectly phrased.
PS: I am moving your thread to the Songwriting forum.

Unlike English which has S-V-O structure, Arabic has V-S-O. Probably that was the cause.