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Hello,

I wrote one more essay. This time, the topic is:

"Your city has decided to build a statue or monument to honor a famous person in your country. Who would you choose?"

I whould be very obliged if you glanced over it in order to note any errors. As always, any critique is welcome.

Essay:

Each society consist of members some of whom are simply coexisting with others, while some others make a contribution to the society's development. Some of these contributors are saliently distinguished agains the background of the general mass of the people the society benifits from. Each of these individuals is usually highly reverent by a particular group of people that was appreciably affected by the activity of this personality. It is a natural desire of a group to somehow express their respect to such a person, to leave a record of one's deeds for the history and to designate a model next generations of community members should aspire for. One of the ways to do it is to set up a monument or statue that will depict a prominent person and somehow desribe one's achievements. To deserve a monument or a statue, a person should accomplish something really outstanding and significant for the city, the country, or the whole world.

Each city, including my own city of Tula, has a lot of its heroes. Some of them are commoners, like a fireman who saved many human lives, or a person who showed oneself heroically during a war. And each of them undoubtly deserves high deference, but, in my opinion, the monuments should be set up only to absolutely outstanding people, who exceedingly contributed to their country or the world in whole. These could be prominent scientists, cultural workers, or political figures.

Since the topic asks my personal preference, I whould be in favor of setting up a monument to some salient Russian writter, like Fyodor Dostoevsky. Not to say that too few monuments to Dostoevsky already exist in Russia, but none of them are in my hometown. And even if there were any, I believe, such a senior contributor to the world literature deserves several monuments. I've chosen this particular writer because I suppose that his novels provides a great insight into human mind, that makes people to analize their own lives and try somehow to rebuild their ways of existance. I am sure, many people from across the world, who read some of his novels, will agree with me on that.

Although, I provided here a single prominent person I whould suggest to set up a monument to, there are a plenty of people, each of whom desires at least a memorial plate or a record in the history book. But it is impossible to build a monument to each of them. So, a society should decide which of these heroes is more well-earned and more actual for the current epoch.

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Victor
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Hi Victor,

Yes, your writing is good. But it's a big step to go on and write in a way that sounds natural.



I'm going to suggest a few small but necessary corrections to just your first paragraph.

Then I'll rewrite it in what seems to me a more natural way.

If you expose yourself as much as possible to good English, you will find you get a feeling for what sounds natural.

I'm a bit worried that I may start to discourage you. I don't intend to. Consider that there are native speakers who can not write essays well at all.

Each society consist of members some of whom are simply coexisting with others, while some others make a contribution to the society's development. Some of these contributors are saliently distinguished against the background of the general mass of the people the society benefits from. Each of these individuals is usually highly reverent revered by a particular group of people that was appreciably affected by the activity of this personality. It is a natural desire of a group to somehow express their respect to such a person, to leave a record of their one's you can't use 'one' in this grammatical context deeds for the history and to designate a model next generations of community members should aspire to for. One of the ways to do it is to set up a monument or statue that will depict a prominent person and somehow describe one's their achievements. To deserve a monument or a statue, a person should accomplish something really outstanding and significant for the city, the country, or the whole world.

_____________

Every society has some members who do nothing special, and others who contribute to the society's development. Some of these contributors stand out more than others. Each of these individuals is usually highly revered by a particular group of people that has been appreciably affected by the activity of this person. It is the natural desire of such a group to somehow express their respect to such a person, to leave a record of the person's deeds for history, and to designate a model for future generations to aspire to emulate. One way to do this is to set up a monument or statue that depicts a prominent person and somehow records their achievements. Howebver, to deserve a monument or a statue, a person should have accomplished something really outstanding and significant for their city, for their country, or for the whole world.

Clive
Comments  
a very good essay

I hope reaching your level of writing

good luck
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 Clive's reply was promoted to an answer.
Hello Clive,

Thanks for your comments.

>> It is a natural desire of a group to somehow express their respect to such
>> a person, to leave a record of their deeds for history and to designate a
>> model next generations of community members should aspire to.

>> One of the ways to do it is to set up a monument or statue that will depict
>> a prominent person and somehow describe their achievements.

Should not the pronouns highlighted in pink agree in number with the noun phrases
they are referring to? Is it acceptible to refer with "their" to a person, though abstract,
but single?

Thanks in advance.

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Victor
Hi Victor,

I originally wrote 'his or her', but changed it to 'their'.

'His or her' is often felt to be cumbersome, amd 'their' is commonly used instead. Some people feel that it is a little lacking in formality but, as I said, it's a common usage.

We used to just say 'his' in such cases, but there is a widespread feeling now that this is disrespectful to women.

On reviewing this sentence again

>> It is a natural desire of a group to somehow express their respect to such
>> a person, to leave a record of their deeds for history and to designate a
>> model next generations of community members should aspire to.

I feel that my use of 'their' was not a very good choice, because it may be taken as referring to the people in 'the group'. 'His or her' would clarify the meaning. Another possible approach is to repeat the noun in question, ie

>> It is a natural desire of a group to somehow express their respect to such
>> a person, to leave a record of the/that person's/individual's deeds for history and to

>> designate a model next generations of community members should aspire to.

Clive

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