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Hello,

Here is yet another essay of mine. The topic is

"Many parts of the world are losing important natural resources, such as forests,

animals, or clean water. Choose one resource that is disappearing and explain

why it needs to be saved."

If you take a look and propose any suggestions on its imporovement, I'll be very obliged.

Essay:

All organisms on Earth somehow depend on water. And if the water they consume is adulterated, it may result in fatal changes in consuming organisms' lives.

Water is of a great significance for people, since it is used for drinking and in food. The human organism must receive a certain amount of water every day. Otherwise, if an organism does not obtain the required amount of water for several days, it dies. It is obvious that the water consumed by the human organism should be pure. Water that contains any harmful bacteria or chemicals may cause various diseases of an organism or even death. Animal organisms depend on water in the same way. Organisms of some animals are more resistant to soiled water than human organisms. For instance, if a human drink from a puddle on a street, it is highly probable that one will get intoxicated, while a bird drank from the same puddle won't get any harm. However, if water contains some caustic chemicals of artificial or natural origins, it may significantly harm both humans and animals.

Water also serves as a major nutritive component for all plants. Water is used by a plant participating in a process of plant's development and growth. A plant obtains nutritive substances from the soil by absorbing water that contains these substances. Some deleterious chemicals being contained in water may blight a plant causing its growth stop or death.

Water serves as a habitat for various animals. These animals not only drink water, but they are in contact with water during all their lives. The more close is the contact with water, the more water influences on these organisms. Water interacts not only with these animals' digestive systems, but also with their external tissues, and the harmful chemicals the digestive system may successfully resist may injure tissues. Though, humans don't live in water, they spend some time in it, while taking a shower or swimming, so their tissues are also exposed to water.

It may be concluded, that all live organisms on Earth utterly depend on water, and if the water they consume is not clean, it reflects negatively on these organisms. Water refinery systems partially solve the problem for humans who are beyond such a barrier. However, people in non-developed countries do not necessarily have such refinery systems; they consume water directly from its natural sources, as do animals and plants. That is why it is highly important to make all natural water sources clean, so all live organisms on the planet have access to clean water.

Thanks in advance.

--

Victor
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Comments  
Essay:

All organisms on Earth depend upon water. If the water consumed is adulterated, fatal changes may be the result for consuming organisms.

Water is of great significance for people, since it is used for drinking and in cooking. Human beings must receive a certain amount of water every day. If a human being does not obtain the required amount of water for several days, it will die. It is obvious that the water consumed by the human organism should be pure. Water that contains any harmful bacteria or chemicals may cause various diseases, even death. Animals depend on water in the same way. Some animals are more resistant to contaminated water than humans. For instance, if a human drinks from a puddle on a street, it is highly probable that he or she will become ill, while a bird that drinks from the same puddle will not be harmed. However, if water contains caustic chemicals of artificial or natural origins, significant harm may result for both humans and animals.

Water also serves as a major nutritive component for all plants. Water is used by plants in the process of development and growth. A plant obtains nutritive substances from the soil by absorbing water that contains these substances. Some deleterious chemicals being contained in water may blight a plant, causing its growth stop or its like to end.

Water serves as a habitat for various animals. These animals not only drink water, but they are in contact with water during all their lives. The more close the contact with water, the more the influence of water on the organism. Water interacts not only with these animals' digestive systems, but also with their external tissues, and the harmful chemicals the digestive system may successfully resist may injure tissues. Though, humans don't live in water, they spend some time in it, while taking a shower or swimming, so their tissues are also exposed to water.

It may be concluded that all life on Earth utterly depends upon water If the water consumed is not clean, it reflects negatively on these organisms. Water refinery systems partially solve the problem for humans who are beyond such a barrier. However, people in non-developed countries do not necessarily have such refinery systems; they consume water directly from its natural sources, as do animals and plants. That is why it is highly important to make all natural water sources clean, so all life on the planet has access to clean water.


--

Victor

[/quote]
Hello Ed,

Thanks for your corrections. If you don't mind, I have a couple of questions:

(i) ... it may result in fatal changes in consuming organisms' lives...
->
(ii) ... fatal changes may be the result for consuming organisms...

Taking into account your correction provided above, should not the following
corrected sentence (iv) have the construction similar to (ii)?

(iii) ... it may significantly harm both humans and animals...
->
(iv) ... significant harm may result for both humans and animals...

I.e. should not "may result for" in (iv) be "may be the result for" as it is in (ii)?

... causing its growth stop or death...
->
... causing its growth stop or its like to end...

Should not it be "its life to end" or is "its like to end" some kind of idiomatic
expression?

Thanks in advance.

--

Victor
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
And if the water they consume is adulterated, it may result in fatal changes in consuming
organisms' lives.

What I have done, here, Victor, is to draw your attention to a possible
writing flaw called a "vague or unclear pronoun reference."
Your sentence could stand as written. It is not incorrect. In fact, I rather like your
expression, "consuming organisms." However, let me ask, does the pronoun "it"
refer to water, adulteration, or consumption? I am reasonably sure the pronoun
stands for water, but it is actually the consumption of it that may result in death,
so I might be temporarily confused.

At the same time, I rephrased your subject-verb to a more active and direct
phrasing, which usually makes writing easier to understand.
"If the water consumed is adulterated, death may result."

Actually, "contaminated" would be a better choice of words than 'adulterated,'
I think, because the cases you are referring to are usually either caused
by accident or negligence, are they not? (Adulteration usually implies
intentional corruption.)

Consumption of contaminated water may result in death.

Also, right, you are. "Like" is an error. It should have been "life." Sorry.
Ed,

Thanks for clarification.

Concerning "vague or unclear pronoun reference", I originally understood
what you meant, but what confused me was usage of "result" as a verb
in the following construction:

"... significant harm may result for both humans and animals..."

Now, I've got it – there are two very similar expressions with opposite
meanings:

(i) X may result = X may be a result of smth. (X itself is a result)
(ii) X may result in Y = Y may be a result of X (X is a cause, while Y is a result)

--

Victor
Yes, exactly.
Result may be a noun or a verb, depending upon how it is used,
and you have used both correctly. I don't recall how either
you or I originally phrased it, but I prefer "death may result."
It seems more direct.
You have a talent for interesting phrasings. I would hope
you would continue to use that talent while always striving
to be understood perfectly.
Try out our live chat room.
victor_amelkin Hello Ed,Thanks for your corrections. If you don't mind, I have a couple of questions:(i) ... it may result in fatal changes in consuming organisms' lives...-> (ii) ... fatal changes may be the result for consuming organisms...Taking into account your correction provided above, should not the followingcorrected sentence (iv) have the construction similar to (ii)?(iii) ... it may significantly harm both humans and animals...->(iv) ... significant harm may result for both humans and animals...I.e. should not "may result for" in (iv) be "may be the result for" as it is in (ii)?... causing its growth stop or death...->... causing its growth stop or its like to end...Should not it be "its life to end" or is "its like to end" some kind of idiomaticexpression?Thanks in advance.--Victor
victor_amelkin Hello Ed,Thanks for your corrections. If you don't mind, I have a couple of questions:(i) ... it may result in fatal changes in consuming organisms' lives...-> (ii) ... fatal changes may be the result for consuming organisms...Taking into account your correction provided above, should not the followingcorrected sentence (iv) have the construction similar to (ii)?(iii) ... it may significantly harm both humans and animals...->(iv) ... significant harm may result for both humans and animals...I.e. should not "may result for" in (iv) be "may be the result for" as it is in (ii)?... causing its growth stop or death...->... causing its growth stop or its like to end...Should not it be "its life to end" or is "its like to end" some kind of idiomaticexpression?Thanks in advance.--Victor
victor_amelkin Hello Ed,Thanks for your corrections. If you don't mind, I have a couple of questions:(i) ... it may result in fatal changes in consuming organisms' lives...-> (ii) ... fatal changes may be the result for consuming organisms...Taking into account your correction provided above, should not the followingcorrected sentence (iv) have the construction similar to (ii)?(iii) ... it may significantly harm both humans and animals...->(iv) ... significant harm may result for both humans and animals...I.e. should not "may result for" in (iv) be "may be the result for" as it is in (ii)?... causing its growth stop or death...->... causing its growth stop or its like to end...Should not it be "its life to end" or is "its like to end" some kind of idiomaticexpression?Thanks in advance.--Victor
victor_amelkin Hello Ed,Thanks for your corrections. If you don't mind, I have a couple of questions:(i) ... it may result in fatal changes in consuming organisms' lives...-> (ii) ... fatal changes may be the result for consuming organisms...Taking into account your correction provided above, should not the followingcorrected sentence (iv) have the construction similar to (ii)?(iii) ... it may significantly harm both humans and animals...->(iv) ... significant harm may result for both humans and animals...I.e. should not "may result for" in (iv) be "may be the result for" as it is in (ii)?... causing its growth stop or death...->... causing its growth stop or its like to end...Should not it be "its life to end" or is "its like to end" some kind of idiomaticexpression?Thanks in advance.--Victor
victor_amelkin Hello Ed,Thanks for your corrections. If you don't mind, I have a couple of questions:(i) ... it may result in fatal changes in consuming organisms' lives...-> (ii) ... fatal changes may be the result for consuming organisms...Taking into account your correction provided above, should not the followingcorrected sentence (iv) have the construction similar to (ii)?(iii) ... it may significantly harm both humans and animals...->(iv) ... significant harm may result for both humans and animals...I.e. should not "may result for" in (iv) be "may be the result for" as it is in (ii)?... causing its growth stop or death...->... causing its growth stop or its like to end...Should not it be "its life to end" or is "its like to end" some kind of idiomaticexpression?Thanks in advance.--Victor
victor_amelkin Hello Ed,Thanks for your corrections. If you don't mind, I have a couple of questions:(i) ... it may result in fatal changes in consuming organisms' lives...-> (ii) ... fatal changes may be the result for consuming organisms...Taking into account your correction provided above, should not the followingcorrected sentence (iv) have the construction similar to (ii)?(iii) ... it may significantly harm both humans and animals...->(iv) ... significant harm may result for both humans and animals...I.e. should not "may result for" in (iv) be "may be the result for" as it is in (ii)?... causing its growth stop or death...->... causing its growth stop or its like to end...Should not it be "its life to end" or is "its like to end" some kind of idiomaticexpression?Thanks in advance.--Victor

Emotion: rofl great writings.

AWESOME , THANK YOU!!

"All organisms on Earth somehow depend upon water." Water is of a great significance for people (without comma) since it is used for drinking and in food." I think the rest is okay. You may also look through this article to better understand how to write this type of an essay.

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