Hello, I'm new here, and I have an essay due shortly, that I think requires major revising. I'm a 10th grade student, and I'm not an expert when it comes to essays. Any help provided is appreciated.

Shakespeare’s play, Othello, is an old masterpiece that depicts jealousy in various aspects. In the play, Othello, the protagonist, is beguiled by his most-trusted companion, Iago, by means of jealousy. Also in the play, Cassio, a newly-promoted lieutenant by Othello, is deceived as well, by Iago. Another character beguiled in the play by Iago is Roderigo, his trusted companion. This uncontrollable jealousy leads to the tragic death of various characters, including Othello.

In the play, Iago, a friend of the Moor (Othello), is crushed by the promotion of Cassio to lieutenant as opposed to him. This leads to an obdurate heart in Iago. His heart is also fueled by a murderous jealousy. “In following him, I follow myself” (Act1, I, 60-61)” says Iago as he is plotting his plan to seek revenge against Othello, because he promoted Cassio, a “counter-caster” with no battlefield experience as opposed to him. Iago is offended as he personally has endured first-hand combat with Othello in . His feelings of jealousy and animosity lead him on a rampage to turn individuals against one another, starting with Cassio.

Cassio, the recent, young, demure, promoted Lieutenant, is also a victim of Iago’s jealousy. His promotion over Iago by Othello is a factor in what actions he will take. By using Roderigo, one of Iago’s friends, Iago is able to roil a dispute between Cassio and Roderigo. Iago, then, takes advantage of Cassio’s weakness for wine. At the same time, Iago, a devil driven by jealousy, is also using Roderigo’s love for Desdemona to his advantage. “Doth, like a poisonous mineral, gnaws my inwards, and nothing can or shall content my soul,” (Act2, I, 290-295) claims Iago as he is prepared to launch and offensive, between Cassio and Roderigo. As Cassio is lost in his drunkenness, Roderigo, being manipulated by Iago, insults Cassio, and thereby leads to a fight. Resulting from this dispute, Cassio is demoted from Lieutenant. This event is entirely due to Iago’s titanic jealousy.

Othello, the tragic hero in the play, is also a victim of Iago’s malevolent ways. Jealousy, demonstrated to Othello by Iago, is a “green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on,” (Act 3, III, 190), which is warning Othello about Desdemona, his new wife, who is cheating on him, with his newly-promoted lieutenant, Cassio. Iago, called by Othello as “honest Iago,” has his word taken absolutely by him. This crushes Othello in heart, knowing his beloved wife might be cheating on him. By manipulating evidence and the truth, Iago convinces Othello that his wife is indeed cheating on him. This transforms Othello’s jealousy into a licentious rage. He consequently murders his wife, and after realizing her innocence, commits suicide.

Jealousy, a chief theme in Othello, is clearly evident in his play. Jealousy is what the plot and conflict revolve around. Shakespeare incorporates the theme, jealousy, with the deaths attributed to each individual’s jealousy. By making characters such as Othello, Iago, Desdemona, Cassio, and Roderigo victims of jealousy, Shakespeare does an exemplary job in portraying jealousy. The effect of jealousy caused several characters to lose their lives, such as Othello, Desdemona, and Emilia.
Hi Edd,

This is not much more than a plot summary. I've highlighted your glaring errors. Hope it helps.

Shakespeare’s play, Othello, is an old masterpiece that depicts jealousy in various aspects. In the play, Othello, the protagonist, is beguiled by his most-trusted companion, Iago, who is jealous of... (elaborate). Also in the play, Cassio, a newly-promoted lieutenant by Othello, is deceived as well, by Iago. Another character beguiled in the play by Iago is Roderigo, his trusted companion. This (whose?) uncontrollable jealousy leads to the tragic death of various characters, including Othello.

In the play, Iago, a friend of the Moor (Othello), is crushed by the promotion of Cassio to lieutenant instead of him. This leads to an obdurate heart in Iago. His heart is also fueled by a murderous jealousy. “In following him, I follow myself” (Act1, I, 60-61) says Iago as he is plotting his plan (delete) to seek revenge against Othello, because he promoted Cassio, a “counter-caster” with no battlefield experience as opposed to (rephrase) him. Iago is offended as he personally has endured first-hand combat with Othello in . His feelings of jealousy and animosity lead him on a rampage to turn individuals against one another, starting with Cassio.

Cassio, the recent, young, demure, promoted (do not separate recently promoted) Lieutenant, is also a victim of Iago’s jealousy. His promotion over Iago by Othello is a factor in what actions he will take (what are you trying to say?). By using Roderigo, one of Iago’s friends, Iago is able to roil a dispute between Cassio and Roderigo. Iago, then, takes advantage of Cassio’s weakness for wine. At the same time, Iago, a devil driven by jealousy, is also using Roderigo’s love for Desdemona to his advantage. “Doth, like a poisonous mineral, gnaws my inwards, and nothing can or shall content my soul,” (Act2, I, 290-295) claims Iago as he is prepared to launch and (sp.) offensive, between Cassio and Roderigo. As Cassio is lost in his drunkenness, Roderigo, being manipulated by Iago, insults Cassio, and thereby leads to a fight (between who?). Resulting from this dispute, Cassio is demoted from Lieutenant. This event is entirely due to Iago’s titanic jealousy.

Othello, the tragic hero in the play, is also a victim of Iago’s malevolent ways. Jealousy, demonstrated to Othello by Iago, is a “green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on,” (Act 3, III, 190), which is warning Othello about Desdemona, his new wife, who is cheating on him, with his newly-promoted lieutenant, Cassio. Iago, considered by Othello as “honest Iago,” is totally taken in by him. This crushes Othello in heart, knowing his beloved wife might be cheating on him. By manipulating evidence and the appearance, Iago convinces Othello that his wife is indeed cheating on him. This transforms Othello’s jealousy into a licentious rage. He consequently murders his wife, and after realizing her innocence, commits suicide.

Jealousy, a chief theme in Othello, is clearly evident in his play. Jealousy is what the plot and conflict evolve around. Shakespeare incorporates the theme, jealousy, with the deaths attributed to each individual’s jealousy. By making characters such as Othello, Iago, Desdemona, Cassio, and Roderigo victims of jealousy, Shakespeare does an exemplary job in portraying jealousy. The effect of jealousy caused (why past tense?) several characters to lose their lives, including those of Othello, Desdemona, and Emilia.
Hello, I revised it after getting it back from my teacher with a score of 20/25...: Emotion: sad
She said I could revise it again, so here it is.

Othello Theme

Shakespeare’s play, Othello, is a masterpiece that depicts jealousy in various aspects. In the play, Othello, the protagonist, is beguiled by his most-trusted companion, Iago, by means of jealousy. Also in the play, Cassio, a newly-promoted lieutenant by Othello, is deceived as well, by Iago, who is jealous of his promotion over him. In the play, Othello is also a victim of jealousy, who after being convinced his wife is cheating on him, murders her. Jealousy, being an uncontrollable aspect, leads to the tragic death of various characters, including Othello.

In the play, Iago, a friend of the Moor (Othello), is crushed by the promotion of Cassio to lieutenant as opposed to him. This leads to an obdurate heart fueled by a murderous jealousy. “The Moor, howbeit, I endure him not…to diet my revenge” (Act II, 282-283)” says Iago as he is plotting to seek revenge against Othello, because he promoted Cassio, a “counter-caster” with no battlefield experience as opposed to him. Iago is offended as he has personally endured first-hand combat with Othello in . His feelings of jealousy and animosity lead him on a rampage to turn individuals against one another, starting with Cassio.

Cassio, the recent, young, promoted lieutenant, is also a victim of Iago’s jealousy. His promotion is a factor in what actions Iago will take. By using Roderigo, Iago is able to roil a dispute between Cassio and Roderigo. Iago convinces Roderigo to rile up Cassio, so that Cassio can lose his temper and get demoted. This will also improve Roderigo’s chances with Desdemona, because Roderigo is madly in love with her, and needs to get Cassio out of the way. Iago, then, takes advantage of Cassio’s weakness for wine. At the same time, Iago, a devil driven by jealousy, is also using Roderigo’s love for Desdemona to his advantage. “The thought whereof doth, like a poisonous mineral, gnaws my inwards, and nothing can or shall content my soul,” (Act2, I, 290-295) claims Iago, as he is prepared to launch an offensive against Cassio and Roderigo. As Cassio is lost in his drunkenness, Roderigo, manipulated by Iago, insults Cassio, and thereby leads to a fight between Cassio and Roderigo. Resulting from this dispute, Cassio is demoted from lieutenant. This event is entirely due to Iago’s titanic jealousy.

Othello, the tragic hero in the play, is the main victim of Iago’s malevolent ways. Jealousy, says Iago, is a “green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on,” (Act 3, III, 190), when he warns Othello that Desdemona, his new wife, is cheating on him with his newly-promoted lieutenant, Cassio. Iago, being called “honest Iago” by Othello, is completely believed by him. This crushes Othello, thinking his beloved wife might be cheating on him. By manipulating evidence and the truth, Iago convinces Othello that his wife is indeed cheating on him. This transforms Othello’s jealousy into a licentious rage. He consequently murders his wife, and after realizing her innocence, commits suicide.

Jealousy, a chief theme in Othello, is clearly evident in the play. This is what the plot and conflict revolve around. Unfortunate events occur because of jealousy. Othello, the main character, murders Desdemona, because he thought she was cheating on him, consequently, he commits suicide realizing her innocence. Another effect of jealousy is the fight between Cassio and Roderigo. This certainly would have never happened if Iago had not been jealous of Cassio’s promotion. The effect of jealousy causes several characters to lose their lives, including those of Othello, Desdemona, and Emilia. In the end, no good comes from jealousy.
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Like I said, this does not seem to be much more than a plot summary. Do you have a question you need to address in your essay?

Perhaps these may help you get some ideas on how to rewrite it: http://www.cliffsnotes.com/WileyCDA/LitNote/id-138.html

http://www.sparknotes.com/shakespeare/othello /

(remember to cite the source)

And remember to correct the parts I've highlighted.
It's a paper on the play's theme. So what does my revised paper look like? Still bad?

I'm terrified of using cliff's or Sparknote's, because my teacher forbids it.
Perhaps you can discuss the theme along with that of appearance v. reality and trust.

Characters are easily led by appearances and have placed their trust in the wrong person, and that weakness in their character makes them vulnerable to the exploitations of a jealous and vindictive individual. Hope that helps.
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