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I'm not sure can I post essays to check correctness out by an appropriate person.
However if someone doesnt mind and is willing to help me out, here it is...

School summer holidays should be shorter.

Should school summer holidays be shorter? Children and teenagers in school age
during the year have enough days off school, however everyone has right to have
proper summer holidays, doesnt he?
First of all going to school and all those school
events may be stressful to students that aren't so self confident, moreover some of them may
have not coped all the difficulties at school and it might lead to the tragedy. In an extreme situation
to the suicides of youths. Secondly apart from such extreme situations like suicides, shorter holidays
can be a reason of internal problems to the young people. Such decision releted to cutting their holidays time
will likely face strong opposition. I think a compromise would be the best choice.
My point is that cutting the number of days free from school will not be accepted by students,
it expects to be done warily. Compromises are the key for success.
Another important point is, does shorter vacation help students to acquire better education? What about the held travels during holidays,
in my point of view they give great opportunities to find out more about the culture of a other country, not to mention about the foreign languages.
It seems to me that holidays shouldn't be shortened, teenagers need holidays to rest from stress they're supposed to
face at school. Lack of holidays would be strongly unhealthy, due to the too fast pace of life.
Is there any person on the earth appropriate strong to handle working in stress for all his life not having holidays?

PS: Sorry I am a beginner in writing essays
Comments  
Hi,

Here are a couple of initial comments.

You are using too many rhetorical questions. A good guide is to use one for every ten essays you write.Emotion: smile In other words, don't use them very much at all.

Don't use abbreviations.

You have a lot of 'run-on sentences'. This means that you are joimg two separate sentences merely by using a comma. Either find a suitable conjunction, or punctuate themas two separate sentences.

Finally, your spacing as shown here is not correct. Can you please readjust it to make it easier for us to read your essay?

If you'd like to rework this in the light of these comments, and then post again, perhaps we can look at it in more detail at that point.

Best wishes, Clive
Thanks for your effort. Your remarks are very useful to me. I really appreciate them. Since I've never participated in an english language course, I am not really good at formal english, nor I can write essays and stuff. As you likely figured out I am a foreigner, so the reason why I posted the essay is I wanted to have it checked by a person like you. I dont mind that's in fact doesnt look like an proper essay, however I'll save your remarkes and I'll try to don't repeat the same errors agian. My point was that I wasn't sure did I write it gramatically correct.

I am asking for forgivness to my informal language used in the essay. I learn english from british mates who are in age 15-18, so I cannot expect from them using formal english. That doesn't mean I am excusing myself....

Yours,
Blacov
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Hi Blacov,

Here are some detailed grammar edits.

Clive

School summer holidays should be shorter.


Should school summer holidays be shorter? Children and school-age teenagers have enough days off school during he year. However everyone has the right to have
proper summer holidays, doesn't he?
First of al,l going to school and all those school
events may be stressful to students who aren't so self-confident. Moreover, some of them may
not have coped all the difficulties at school and it might lead to tragedy or, in an extreme situation,
to the suicides of youths. Secondly, apart from such extreme situations as suicides, shorter holidays
can be a reason of internal problems with young people. Decisions such as those related to cutting their holiday time
will likely face strong opposition. I think a compromise would be the best choice.
My point is that cutting the number of days that ate free from school will not be accepted by students. It needs be done warily. Compromises are the key for success.
Another important point is whether shorter vacations help students to acquire better education. When we consider travelling during holidays,
in my point of view this gives great opportunities to find out more about the culture of another country, not to mention about foreign languages.
It seems to me that holidays shouldn't be shortened. Teenagers need holidays to rest from the stress they face at school. A lack of holidays would be strongly unhealthy, due to the very fast pace of life.
Is there any person on earth strong enough to handle working under stress for all his life and not having holidays?
I don't mean to be picky, but don't say 'An short essay'; instead type, 'A short essay'.

Emotion: big smile
That's what I looked for Clive. It seems I entirely messed up this essay. Dear anonymous probably you're right. Emotion: big smile
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Hi,

Well, don't be hard on yourself. Wriing an essay in a foreign language is not an easy thing to do. Don't be discouraged.Emotion: smile

Clive
I will not be discouraged, Im going to do my best to improve my writing. On the other hand that essay was for a friend that needs it to school and I hope he will get a good grade for it. What is quite strange to me, he told me essay I've written is too long. Moreover he has rejected the one revised by you Clive. Emotion: rolleyes
NO life is about having enjoyable family and friends time not about going to school everyday i deserve a break!!
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