The memory of Eden fades farther away

As the earth spins on 'round the sun.

The world is wearing old and grows more tired each day

As men in their circles do run.

Each bright flower must fear and tremble at the tread

Of men's march in restless rage.

He burns the earth to gain wealth and his daily bread

As that first sin still claims its wage.

So... what do you think? All comments and criticism are welcome Emotion: smile

All the best,

I like this poem!

It can be improved by removing the "do" in the fourth line.

No it needs to 'do' as part of the rythmnic structure.

I find the 3rd line a sylalble too long though (ish - depends on whether you think tired is one syllable or two)
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I can really relate to your poem and I loved it. You should be proud.