i need your help in my first critical essay . I dont know how to conclude the essay also I think that I need to add more in the introduction (theseis statement) but I dont know what to write and do u have any suggestions for a good title for this essay .

and this is the essay :

The media and the children
“The growing number of childhood overweight and obesity is a major public concern.” It’s believed that nowadays children consume more fast food than before and the number of fat children and adolescents is increasing rapidly. In the US for example, “it’s estimated that adolescents spend 140 billion dollar on food, and children under 12 spend around 25 billion on food “. There are many factors that influence eating behavior and food choice of young people and one of the important factors is the fast food advertising and marketing. Mary and Simone believe that “children have been targeted with intensive and aggressive form of food marketing and advertising practice.” But why do fast food companies want to attract children to their products? And how do they do that? These are some questions that I’ll l try to find answers for it in this essay.
Before we talk about fast food Companies’ role in attracting children to their ‘bad’ food, let’s first shed some light on two important areas. First ,it’s important to define advertising and marketing. According to Mary and Simone, “advertisement is central to marketing of the food supply, while marketing is defined as an activity an organization engages in to facilitate an exchange between itself and its customers. Advertising is one type of marketing activity.” Secondly , it’s necessary to recognize that media plays a significant role in the lives of children. In Mary’s and Simone’s essay , it is mentioned that “ US children between the ages of two and four years view two hours of television daily ,this increase to over three hours and a half near the end of grade school ,then drop off to about 2.75 hours in later adolescence .” From this we can see that children watch television a lot and therefore television advertisements are a very good way to hook children to the fast food products and that’s what the fast food companies do . They spend a lot of money on television advertisements. To illustrate this point let’s take a look at the statistics that were mentioned in “Super size me “. “ MacDonald’s spent1.4 billion dollars on directed media advertisements. Pepsi spent one billion dollars on radio, television, and printed advertisements and Hershey spent 200 million on advertisements. However in a peak year, only two million was spent on advertising fruit and vegetables which is 100 times less than just one candy company.” This implies that the majority of food advertisements are about fast and unhealthy food. As a consequence, children watch a lot of fast food advertisements . Mary and Simone state that “US children may view between 200,00 -40,000 commercials each year and by the time they graduate from high school, they may have been exposed to 360,000 television advertisements .And food is over 50% of all advertisements targeting the children .Children view an average of one food commercial every five minutes of televion viewing time and may see approximately three hours of food commercials each week /” That’s a lot isn’t?? Not only that but fast food companies try to appeal to children specifically According to Morgan, they make colorful advertisements, cartoon characters and TV shows to attract children. They also ‘use’ famous people like Britney Spears, Michel Jordan, and David Beckam in their commercials.Those methods are very efficient. For example, children see colorful advertisements as a sign of joy and happiness and therefore they have the impression that fast food products make them happy. Using famous people in commercials has a big impact as well. When children see a very famous person like Britney Spears, for example ,making a commercial for Pepsi, they will relate Britney’s success in singing with drinking Pepsi. As a result , they will consume more and more Pepsi hoping that drinking Pepsi will make them famous like Britney and the same thing is true for other products including Burgers , French fries .
One question that arise from what he have disscued is why do fast food companies focus on children. In other words why are children the main target for fast food companies?
Researches have many answers to this question. One answer that can be implied from Mary and Simon’s essay is that children can be easily ‘trapped’ to fast food products. Their small age doesn’t help them distinguish between what’s good for their health and what’s not good. This is a logical reason that I agree with but I also have another reason for why children are the main target for fast food companies . I think that fast food companies’ goal is to get children addicted to their products from a young age and therefore make it very hard for them to quit. I can see how this works because I had the experience of being addicted to fast food. I was addicted to KFC and Hardeez and only in 2002 did I quit eating in these restaurants. And again the factors mentioned above made me addicted. I remember that I saw a very colorful commercial for Hardeez with their cartoon character (fresco) encouraging us to try the fresco meal that will make us strong and also gives us a nice toy. I went to hardeez to try the fresco meal and it was indeed very delicious and I got a nice toy of fresco. From that day I used to go there at least once a week and I kept going there until 2002 when I started reading about fast food and their negative effects on the body.
In conclusion , The growing epidemic of overweight children is caused by many factors . One of them is fast food . Fast food companies try to attract children to their products in different ways . They make colorful advertisements , cartoon shows , cartoon chartctors and promotions to get the children addicted to their unhealthy products .

Sources :
1-Mary Story and Simone French food advertising and marketing directed at children and adolescents in the US, http://www.ijbnpa.org/content/1/1/3
2-Morgan , Super size me

Hi seershoglak ,

I'm just going to read your essay over a cup of coffee.

I don't know if you are aware of this paper from consumers International UK.

Television food advertising aimed at children:
An internationa1 comparative survey

Very Brief Summary

Children have become an increasingly important market for advertisers.
This report examines the practice and regulation of television advertising aimed at children, with special emphasis on food advertising, in thirteen countries: Australia, Austria, Belgium, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, United Kingdom and the USA.

Some key findings of the survey were that:

Food advertising fo~ms by far the largest proportion of all television advertisements aimed at children in 11 out the 13 countries. Australia has the highest level of television food advertising directed at children among the 13 countries.
The United Kingdom has the highest amount of television advertising shown during children's programming within Europe -an average of 17 commercials an hour - 10 which for food. Sweden and Norway, where virtual bans exist on television advertising toward children, have the least.
Confectionery, breakfast cereals (mainly pre-sweetened) and fast food restaurants accounted for over half of all food advertisements found in the survey. A nutritional analysis of the advertised foods in the UK found that 95 percent of adYertisements were for good high in fat and/or sugar and/or salt.
The most profile advertiser during children's programming was McDonald's with commercials for fast-food chain found in virtually every country.
Hi seershoglak,

A couple of general points:

1. You start your eassy with a quotation. Where is it from? If you are not accustomed to numbering your references in the text, then you can simply write it in brackets after the quote. e.g. “The growing number of childhood overweight and obesity is a major public concern.” (Storey and French) - or wherever it's from

2. When quoting authors in a text, they are always quoted by surname (family name), so wherever you have written "Mary & Simone" you need to change it to Storey & French.

3. keep your title short and snappy, and make sure it reflects what you are going to write about. I think you are nearly there with "media and children", but your essay is specifically about advertising 'unhealthy' foods to children. This needs to go in the title. So what about something like "Food advertising and children's health"

3. What makes you say these foods are unhealthy and bad for children? We all know they are, but when you are writing about it, it is important to give some evidence. You could use the quote from "A spoonful of sugar"
A nutritional analysis of the advertised foods in the UK found that 95 percent of adYertisements were for good high in fat and/or sugar and/or salt.

4. There is another factor to be taken into consideration: if children are spending so much time watching TV, they are not getting enough exercise. This means they are not burning off all the calories in the high-fat high-sugar foods they are eating.

5. very young children cannot tell fact from fiction, so they believe the adverts, and think they are just part of a tv programme. I can't find a reference for this, but you could give an example by writing about how very young children believe that Father Christmas, (or a mythological character from your country) is real. I don't know where you are from, but perhaps if you are in China, the very young children might believe that dragons are real.
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
yeah uhhhhh what does that have to do with pepsi??! but heres some help its to much for someone to read on the interent!!! and i didnt feel like reading all that so0o yeah just put on what ur haveing problems with and i think that will owrk and someone may actually help you but im bored in school so0o0 yeah bye