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Nowadays, the technology has had an unparalleled success, especially electronic devices, as a result, there are more and more jobs replace by computer installation. In this essay, I would like to discuss about this issue.

First of all, people who work as receptionists, waiters, waitresses, shop assistants and those jobs relating to service industry are tend to be resigned and computers are alternatives to the positions of them in workplace. The reason is that the Internet makes it easier to book a seat in a certain cinema, a room or even a flight ticket just by a click on computers. For example, when you are in your holiday, you booked everything in advance, you can save your precious time thanks to the reduction of time-consuming steps in check-in process.

Moreover, in those developed nations, there is a significant increase in computer use in schools. As a result, the establishment of online schools or universities brings many things new to educational system in recent years. Teachers now can be replaced by electronic gadgets, students can have chance to choose an online course or an ordinary school.

In the other hand, the replacement of many jobs leads to a global problem, unemployment. The unemployment is always an awkward question to all countries. Computers become a life saver, however, they destroy the lines of work of thousands people. They also put an enormous amount of stress on government to solve the increasing rate of unemployment.

Furthermore, computers in public places such as hospitals, malls,... raise the lack of connection and care. For instance, when you hit your favorite stores, there are no staffs to welcome you and if you have some complaints or problems with your goods, you just can explain to a computer and wait to receive a valid response later. The inconvenience can have an adverse effect on people who used to be interested in shopping.

In conclusion, computers have both advantages and disadvantages in our daily lives. However, we need more time to get used to the replacement of computers and consideration in use of computers to replace work in modern life have to be taken carefully.

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Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost becase of computers, and discss at least one problem that may result.
Please give the complete instructions, and copy them correctly.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Nowadays, the technology has had an unparalleled success, especially electronic devices, (comma splice error: http://www.chompchomp.com/terms/commasplice.htm
as a result, there are more and more jobs replace (wrong form) by computer installation. (??)

In this essay, I would like to discuss about this issue.

Improper thesis statement. Never mention your essay, your writing, or what you are going to tell the reader in an academic essay. Write a proper thesis statement. That is the main point of your essay.

First of all, people who work as receptionists, waiters, waitresses, shop assistants and those jobs relating to the service industry are tend to be resigned (wrong meaning. To be resigned means to be discouraged.. It does not mean to lose one's position.) and computers are alternatives to the positions of them (wrong expression. Use the possessive pronoun.) in workplace. The reason is that the Internet makes it easier to book a seat in a certain cinema, a room or even a flight ticket just by a click on computers. (??) For example, when you are in (wrong word.) your holiday, you booked everything in advance, (comma splice error) you can save your precious time thanks to the reduction of time-consuming steps in the check-in process.

Moreover, in those developed nations, there is a significant increase in computer use in schools. As a result, the establishment of online schools or universities has introduced new ways of teaching courses. brings many things new to educational system in recent years. Teachers now can be replaced by electronic gadgets, (wrong word) (comma splice error) students can have chance to choose an online course or an ordinary school.

In the other hand, the replacement of many jobs leads to a global problem, unemployment. The unemployment is always an awkward question to all countries. Computers become a life saver, (comma splice error) however, they destroy the lines of work of thousands people. They also put an enormous amount of stress on the government to solve the increasing rate of unemployment.

Furthermore, computers in public places such as hospitals, malls,... (Ungrammatical series. Never use ellipses, "etc." or phrases such as "and so on" in a formal essay.) raise the lack of connection and care. For instance, when you hit (wrong word) your favorite stores, there are no staffs (wrong form, wrong word) to welcome you and if you have some complaints or problems with your goods, you just can explain to a computer and wait to receive a valid response later. The inconvenience can have an adverse effect on people who used to be interested in shopping.

In conclusion, computers have both advantages and disadvantages in our daily lives. However, we need more time to get used to the replacement of computers (?? Do you mean upgrading old computers with new models?) and consideration in use of computers to replace work in modern life (??) have to be taken carefully.