Hi

I am self-preparing for the IELTS exam. Currently I am preparing for writing task 1 (writing a letter not less than 150 words).
I have nobody to assess my writings and I would appreciate very much if any moderator could check the following 2 letters (one is formal and the other to a friend). All advices are highly appreciated.
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Formal letter:
Subject: "You recently went shopping at the local supermarket. When you got home and studied your bill you found that you have been charged for items you did not purchase.
Write a letter to the supermarket manager explaining what has happened. Tell the manager how you feel about the error and ask him to do something about it."

Answer:

EL HAYAA Supermarket
P.O. Box 2774
Abu Dhabi
United Arab Emirates
25 October 2004

Attention: Supermarket manager

Dear Sir,

Subject: Error in Bill No. 2554, dated 24 October 2004

I am writing in reference to an error I just noticed in my bill issued from your store. The bill number is 2554, dated 24 October 2004 and the cashier is Mr. Akbar.

I discovered that some additional items which I did not purchase have been comprised in the bill. Details of these items are as follows:
- Coffee Gloria Jeans, item # 2650, price : Dhs 60.00
- Frozen meat, item # 4599, price: Dhs 70.00
These items caused an excess in the bill amount by Dhs 130.00

I am astonished from such error, as I am a regular customer to your store, and it is the first time I encounter such incident.

I would be grateful if you could arrange a rectification for that error. I suggest 2 solutions. Either you refund me back the excessed amount, or deduct it from my next bill. Please notify me whichever solution suits you better, or of any alternatives.

Should you require any clarification, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Thank you, and anticipating your early response.

Yours faithfully,

Sherif Fam
Mobile: 050-8765432
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Informal letter:

Subject: "You have a friend who lives in a city abroad. You have decided that you would like to apply to do a course at one of the colleges in this city.
Write to your friend explaining what you would like to do. Tell him/her what type of work or studies you have been doing for tha past few years and ask for assistance in contacting an appropriate institution."

Answer:

Dear Margarete
25/11/04

It has been ages since our last writings. How are you, and your family? I wish everything is going well with you.

You must be wondering where I have been hidden for this long duration. Well, I joined an international company in Abu Dhabi, as Information Technology manager. The work is so demanding and stressing, specially in this fast-developing field. I have to be up to date with all the arising new technologies, which is not always an easy task. Anyway I felt I need a break, and discussed with the General Manager for an unpaid leave for 3 months, and guess what, he agreed.

I am thinking to get use of this leave to travel to Germany. It will be a good chance to meet you and your family.

In the mean time, I am planning to attend a course in the "artificial intelligence progragramming". As Germany pioneered in this field, I would be very grateful if you could assist me in selecting a good institute to attend a course there. It will be more convenient if it is specialised in tutoring this field of programming. I tried to search the internet, but unfortunately in vain. I can not tell if the institutes are of good reputation, have professional teachers, etc...

I am really looking forward for our previous time here in Abu Dhabi. You can show to me your home country, your school, the church, and all these things you talked about.

Thank you for your efforts and wishing you all the best,

Best regards,

Sherif
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To anyone who provides advices: many thanks.

Sherif

1 2
Your name and address

25 October 2004 date should be here

Mr. Jones Find out his name and position
Supermarket Manager
EL HAYAA Supermarket
P.O. Box 2774
Abu Dhabi
United Arab Emirates

Subject: Error in Bill No. 2554, dated 24 October 2004

Dear Sir: colon is required for formal business letters

I am writing in reference to an error I just noticed in my bill issued from your store. The bill number is 2554, dated 24 October 2004 and the cashier [was] Mr. Akbar.

I discovered that some additional items[,] which I did not purchase[,] were incorrectly added to the bill. Details of these items are as follows:
- Coffee Gloria Jeans, item # 2650, price : Dhs 60.00
- Frozen meat, item # 4599, price: Dhs 70.00
These items [overstated] the bill amount by Dhs 130.00

[I am astonished from such error, as I am a regular customer to your store, and it is the first time I encounter such incident.--delete...it likely isn't intentional, so need for all the emotional stuff]

I would be grateful [for your assistance and a] refund [of] Dhs 130.00. Keep things simple.

Should you require any clarification, please do not hesitate to contact me. Thank you.

Yours faithfully,

Sherif Fam
Mobile: 050-8765432



25/11/04

Dear Margarete[,] [Margaret usually doesn't have an "e" at the end.]

It has been ages since our last [letters]. How are you[] and your family? I [hope] everything is going well with you.

You must be wondering where I have been hidden for this long duration. Well, I joined an international company in Abu Dhabi as [an] Information Technology manager. The work is so demanding and stress[ful], [e]specially in this fast-[paced and] developing field. I have to be up to date with all the arising new technologies, which is not always an easy task. Anyway[,] I felt I need a break[] and discussed with the General Manager for an unpaid leave for 3 months[.] [G]uess what[?] [H]e agreed.

I am thinking [] of [using] this leave to travel to Germany. It will be a good chance to meet you and your family.

In the mean time, I am planning to attend a course [on] "artificial intelligence progragramming". As Germany pioneered [] this field, I would be very grateful if you could assist me in selecting a good [good course at a reputable] institute. [It will be more convenient if it is specialised in tutoring this field of programming.--I'd delete this sentence because it doesn't add anything.] I tried to search the internet [Internet is usually spelled with a capital "I", and I don't know why that is.], but unfortunately [without success].

I am really looking forward for our previous time here in Abu Dhabi.[this prior sentence doesn't make sense. You can't look forward to something in the past.] You can show to me your home country, your school, the church, and all these things you talked about [when we last met? in your last letter?].

Thank you for your efforts and wishing you all the best,

Best regards,

Sherif
Thanks a lot. That was really helpful.

I know that I am weak at the use of conjunction words (such as pioneered something, not pioneered in something).

I will practice, and wish I am not annoying you if I keep in sending such examples for corrections. This really helps me a lot.

Thanks again

Sherif
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Hi Serif fam,

Your English is very good. You just need a bit more practice, and you will be perfect.

Yes, you can send more examples, but please not too many at one time. It takes a while to review and correct.

Also, in my prior post there was a slight error.

I would be grateful [for your assistance and a] refund [of] Dhs 130.00. Keep things simple.

I have changed "you" to "your".

I hope you would have caught that small error on your own.

MountainHiker
dear sir ,

i need very much for help in repearing to my general ielts exam ,please help me to improve my writing .please can any one correct my writing ?any sits on internet to free practis

thanks

iman
Anonymousdear sir ,

i need very much for help in repearing to my general ielts exam ,please help me to improve my writing .please can any one correct my writing ?any sits on internet to free practis

thanks

iman
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
hi,
if u r still looking for help, please let me know.
Hi Sir,
I am going to write a letter about the topic which is seen below.I will be very pleased if to be informed about the ability of writing and the probable score which I would get in the real exam.

"You recently went shopping at the local supermarket. When you got home and studied your bill you found that you have been charged for items you did not purchase.
Write a letter to the supermarket manager explaining what has happened. Tell the manager how you feel about the error and ask him to do something about it."

Dear manager,
I am writing this letter to inform you about the error which has happened in the bill which was issued.

Yesterday,I bought lots of stuffs from your store.When I got home I checked out the receipt very randomly and I realized that the cashier charged me about one hundred more.As I am your permanent customer and I have never encountered this kind of mistake ,I was surprised too much.I write all the purchased stuffs and the total amount of money that I paid.One sun tan lotion ,two bags of rice,three bottles of orange juice and a package of freeze veal meat.I calculated the price of these items and it would be eighty dollars .But the amount of one hundred and eighty dollars was paid.I have two suggestions:first,I come to the store to buy more stuffs free of charge up to one hundred dollars.Secondly,the amount of one hundred dollars to be returned in my credit card.I will be very thankful if to be acknowledged by your decision.My contact number is attached to the copy of the purchased receipt.Thank you so much for your paying attention in advance.
Your sincerely
Fari
I am mr Ahmed I live in Britain but I can not be fluency in English like you as you do. Iam willing if you try to practice alittle bit harder you will get the poin and you will succeed your exam. Don,t worry things will go ok, furthermore keep practising listening English by watching tv and .
there is also very important thing if you can do you may find it useful .Have you tried visiting libraries you may be offered some casetes that can help you improve .Nawadays most peapleget it helpful
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