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Ali shouted angrily at the monkeys. They shrieked when they heard him shouting. He shook his right fist at them to express his anger at them and the monkeys shook their fists back.

Are 'at' and 'shook their fists back' correctly used? Any suggestions to improve the passage?

Thanks in advance.
Comments  
The passage is fine.

You can shake a fist at someone, point at someone, laugh at someone, be angry at someone (or angry with someone), and so on.

shook their fists back means shook their fists in return.

CJ
You have a repetition here:
He shook his right fist at them to express his anger at them
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Marius HancuYou have a repetition here:
He shook his right fist at them to express his anger at them
It would be better to write: He shook his right fist at them to show his anger.

Do you agree, Marius?
Yoong Liat
Marius HancuYou have a repetition here:
He shook his right fist at them to express his anger at them
It would be better to write: He shook his right fist at them to show his anger.

Do you agree, Marius?
I think this is fine.
Thanks, Marius.
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Original sentence

Ali shouted angrily at the monkeys. They shrieked when they heard him shouting. He shook his right fist at them to express his anger at them and the monkeys shook their fists back.

Just a suggestion...

Ali shouted at the monkeys, and they shrieked. When he shook his right fist at them, they responded by shaking their fists.

You'll notice I have removed three parts:

a. angrily (shouted at means he was angry)

b. when they heard him shouting (something obvious)

c. to express his anger at them (gesture itself suggests anger)

Calive,

Yes yours is an ok alternative but it reads in a rather dull way, whereas before it is quite an exciting narrative. I really like the original use of creative language.

After all, we could reduce it down to "Ali shouted at the monkeys. They shrieked. He shook his fist at them. They shook their fists." but that's just incredibly boring.

I agree that in "shaking fists at them to express his anger AT THEM", the 2nd 'at them' is just too much repetition.

'Shook their fists back' is far more evocative of the fact that they were responding directly to him. Otherwise perhaps they were merely imitating an action without any meaning other than animals copying someone. The 'shook back' shows that they meant it!
Nona, I agree with your comments. I would like to add a point. In an essay, dialogues are used to make the story more interesting.
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