This story is completly mine and not influenced by n e thing or by n e one.......

This world has come to an end its not wat it was a few years back, everything has vanished…disspaered from the face of the earth, wats left is just me and my dreams .…this is that day ….i have to survive but theres nothing I could live on, no hope only sorrow prevails on the land of faith and destiny , dark light wich was never seen is the only light that pierce thru my eyes…the theorys have been re defined wich was never possible is now become so common, my heart started throbing I cudnt belive my eyes wat seemed to be the tallest mountain has broken down into meare pieces of rocks…the seas and the oceans have shrunk into little puddles of water…wat has happened here? Was the very next question that came to my mind…I thought 2 my self that this was the end ..the end of wat wich once looked like will go on and on and on forever without any finish or an ending….But I was wrong cuz this wasn’t the end but it was the start of a never ending story…that once began in a stormy night when a boy was standing waiting for a girl to come …..but that moment somehow frozed in time and the boy remained standing and the girl was always coming but never came..is this wat they call time compression…is this wat happens wen time gets compresed y does it always have something to do with someone waiting and someone never turning up...

It all started when it could mean the most….it was raining heavily and in the rain stood a boy with flowers in his hand waiting for someone to come…it seemed very long for that someone to come so this boy decided to go stand under something where he could be safe and dry though he was quite wet already…it was past midnight , something seemed wrong., that someone didnt come the boy was getting worried, he looked around and saw a gate….the gate was huge and strong like the bars in a jail and the gate was slightly opened but as it was raining heavily nothing on the other side of the gate was visible…this boy decided to go inside the gate and started walking on the path that led him deep inside of a never ending darkness…he was very bold he kept walking hand in hand with his fear…then atlast he reached a big house wich was hardly visible the house looked like an old desserted mansion in wich only unfaithful spirits could live..but this boy dared to go and stand in front of the door..he wondered who could live in this very old lookin mansion…he stepped forward and knocked on the door…nothing happened for a second but suddenly the door creaked and opened this boy still brave and strong like a soldier opened it further and got inside….he looked around and was rather stunned and cudnt belive his eyes ….that room looked like it had everything the world could give …the walls were made of gold and the floor was made of thin diamond sheets….the chairs and the tables were also made of gold and looked so clean as if someone had been using them…the windows were so huge but nothing was visible thru them , the fire place had fire and it was quite obvious that someone was in this room,he still had those flowers in his hands …they were wet so he kept them near the fire, he walked around and saw a door, he opened it to see nothing but a bright light that was hurting his eyes…he went further in and that bright light gradually became the day of his raining night…..he rememberd that someone very special was going to come and meet him, he turned back in a hustle but the door had gone. He was really scared ..he didn’t kno wat was happening around him…he had no other choice than to walk on the beautiful grass that was under his feet…he kept walking in an open land wich had nothing but green grass…he finally saw a tree far away but as he was walking the tree got farther and farther…he was very confused he looked at his watch to see wat the time was but the watch had stopped working..he really gave up and just sat on the grass then slowly he streached out and completely layed on it….while looking up to the sky he thought off all this being a dream and after sometime he’ll wake up and how he’ll have his favrite cerials and get ready for his college….he was floating in his thoughts until he saw the sky turn dark with clouds he kept staring at the sky and slowly slowly he lost his consciousness , he woke up only to find him self in a beautiful garden full off flowers so beautiful that they defined heaven he saw birds so beautiful that he was sure it was heaven ..there were little rabbits running here and their in the grass ..there was a waterfall and the water falling thru it looked like life falling thru hope…the sky looked so blue and the grass was so fresh and green he stood up and started walking on the grass…as he walked the grass under his feet was getting pressed like a freshly baked cake, the birds started flying around him while making sounds he wondered if all this was for him he kept walking and saw a door covered with beautiful creapers around it..he opened it and saw his girl sitting and suddenly wen he felt that all the happiness of his life have touched him at one time everything dissapered and he got covered by thorny climber…the thorns were piercing into his skin ..his blood dripping and slowly flowing like water flowing from a broken glass, he was in pain he tried to get rid of them but everytime he tried to struggle and get out the green ropes got tighter and tighter , he thought that his end has come unlike a dream where u wake up and everything is normal but for this guy to end this nite mare he had the only option of dieing…as the green ropes got tighter everything around him got blurter and blurter he was about 2 die and suddenly he remembered the flowers that he kept near the fire place, as he was thinkin about it ,tears ran down his cheeks ….he really wanted 2 meet her even if it was the last time he could…slowly slowly he slept into his longest sleep ever …but this wasn’t the end…he eventually woke up and found him standing at the same place where he waitied for that girl to come….he looked at his watch it was running fineand the date it showed explained that he was waiting there for a thousand years and everyhting around him had dissapered there was nothing left buildings were grounded trees, roads everything had dissapeared but he had those flowers in his hand still fresh and beautiful like they wre a thousand yrs back……

PS: ANYONE WHO READ THIS CAN RATE IT OUT OF 10 TOO Emotion: stick out tongue
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I don't usually do emoticons, Blitz, but: [Y]

Good stuff! Especially in the middle. I like the choice of words and the rhythm. I think you've got something there.

My first thought is, it would make a big difference if the spelling were right. Do you want me to go through the story and show you where the spelling's wrong?

MrP

spellings is alrite but if thers a grammar problem then you can....did u notice the connection between the first 7 lines and the last 3 or 4 lines where things make sence lolz i never thought i cud rite a story so good Emotion: big smile and hey you said you can tell me how to make my casual english into more professional or formal one...umm but hey you didnt tellme how my english was in the story ...waas it casual or formal like proffessional one???
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Hello again Blitz

The English isn't casual, as you've mostly avoided slang, and it isn't formal, because you use familiar words: mostly, it's somewhere in the middle (i.e. normal narrative English). This isn't obvious at once, because the spelling and punctuation make the story look more 'casual' than it is. But if you take a passage and make some small changes to the spelling and punctuation and grammar, the English looks fine:

'It was raining heavily, and in the rain stood a boy with flowers in his hand, waiting for someone to come. It seemed very long for that someone to come, so the boy decided to go and stand under something, where he could be safe and dry; though he was quite wet already.'

(That might not be the way you'd want to do it, but you get the idea.)

In fact, if it were my story, I'm not sure I'd want to make it any more 'formal'. The vocabulary seems right for the story. There are some good phrases in there.

The connection between the first and last lines is also good. I'll go through the grammar next time I log on and show you where it needs adjusting.

MrP
I have a question for you all.

Would the story "read" better if Blitz makes the "typos" more consistent (ie. get rid of those that look like accidental typos and keep the ones that look like "casual spellings")?

Am I making any sense?
h

i havnt got n e punctuations or correct spellings in some cases because i typed it on the computer(most of the spelling mistakes rnt intentionaly made)) if ya'll want me to correct my spellings and do the puntutations ill do it ...and the second thing

'It was raining heavily, and in the rain stood a boy with flowers in his hand, waiting for someone to come. It seemed very long for that someone to come, so the boy decided to go and stand under something, where he could be safe and dry; though he was quite wet already.'

the above lines apparantly are very vague nothing in there specifies sumthing ...if this is wat ur tryin to say then well i did this on purpose cuz doesnt it sound more umm say mysterious or suspence??

and hey ill be really glad if you cud correct the genuine grammar mistakes i've made infact you can correct anything and everything wich seems not right to you

ABOUT THE SENTENCE AGAIN..
"waiting for 'someone' to come".....here i said sumone cuz i didnt want the reader to know who he was waitin for, well flowers cud have given a hint but still just to generate a curiosity

"stand under something" ..... here i didnt wanted to say how the surroundings were...so i just said "something" ..........
dont ya'll think it has made the story more intresting
and MrPedantic ill really appriciate it if you'll do the gramma corrections plzz
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No problem. I'll check it through for you for grammar etc.

About the paragraph:

'It was raining heavily, and in the rain stood a boy....etc'

You've misunderstood me - I think it's fine. I was using it to show how changing the spelling changes the way the reader looks at it.

('Something' is fine, because at that point the boy doesn't know what he's going to stand under. As you say, the vagueness is intentional. So no problems there.)

See you later.

MrP

oh ok thanx alot ...that wud be just fine
i guess ill wait until u make the grammar corrections and all
see ya l8er!!!!
Hello again Blitz

Now I just want to check that you're happy with what I'm doing here. I've started with the middle section, because very little needs changing in the middle. My only rule-of-thumb is: 'if this story were in a magazine, how would it look?' But it's your call, because it's your story. So if it doesn't sound how you want your story to sound, just let me know, and we'll try a different approach.

MrP


It all started when it could mean the most. It was raining heavily, and in the rain stood a boy with flowers in his hand, waiting for someone to come. It seemed very long for that someone to come, so the boy decided to go and stand under something where he could be safe and dry, though he was quite wet already. It was past midnight, something seemed wrong, that someone didn’t come. The boy was getting worried. He looked round and saw a gate. The gate was huge and strong like the bars in a jail and the gate was slightly open; but as it was raining heavily, nothing on the other side of the gate was visible. The boy decided to go inside the gate. He started walking on a path that led him deep inside a never-ending darkness. But he was bold. He kept walking hand in hand with his fear. At last he came to a big house that was hardly visible. The house looked like an old deserted mansion in which only unfaithful spirits could live. But this boy dared to go and stand in front of the door. He wondered who could live in this very old-looking mansion. He stepped forward and knocked on the door. Nothing happened for a second; but suddenly the door creaked and opened and this boy still brave and strong like a soldier opened it further and got inside. He looked round, stunned; he couldn’t believe his eyes. That room looked like it had everything the world could give. The walls were made of gold and the floor was made of thin diamond sheets. The chairs and the tables were also made of gold, and looked so clean, as if someone had just been using them. The windows were huge, though nothing was visible through them; the fireplace had fire; it was quite clear that someone was in the room. And he still had those flowers in his hands. They were wet so he kept them near the fire. He walked round and saw a door. He opened it and saw nothing but a bright light that hurt his eyes. He went further in and that bright light gradually became the day of his raining night.
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