Hello,

I am a prospective student and I want to apply to an American University. They ask for an Autobiographical Essay. I wrote with difficulty it but I fell that something is missing or some sentences need to be reformulated. So, I am here asking for help 'cause I want to make my essay almost perfect!....

I know it's a little bit long, but, if you want, just give some indications or advices to let me know where I am and how I did it.

here is the link:

http://webcenter1.free.fr/aut.doc

thank you for you help!

Soufiane
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Hi Soufiane,

Welcome to English Forum.

I don't have time to help you this evening. But I can certainly begin to give you a helping hand tomorrow.

In preparation for reviewing and modifying your essay, I urge you to look at some sample essays. Try googling, "university entrance autobiographical essay sample" without the quotes. Please let me know if you find an essay that you really like. Then we can discuss it together.

Revising your essay is going to be a lot of work, so I hope you are ready to work hard. Revising essays is always hard work.

American univerisities just started their new year, so you should be in no rush. Thus, we will have some time to polish your essay.

Others are free to comment as well.

I look forward to helping you very soon.

MountainHiker
Ok thank you very much.
I am going to start seriously the edition of my essay tomorrow it's (23h48!)
You are a really great person, I don't realize that people like you are present in the internet. I looked up the helps you've gived to others, and it that was just fantastic !

Sincerely,
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Soufiane,

I like your positive attitude. I look forward to working with you and completing your essay.

It's really important that you look at a few autobiographical essays before we begin in earnest.

MountainHiker
Good morning,

Well, I spent time searching in the internet some autobiographical essays samples, but I didn't found very much essays, all of them are in a different topic...
However, I liked some of them which contains some well-written paragraphs that could fit with my essay...
Here's the link of an edited one:

http://www.essayedge.com/promo/business_1_after.html
(note that I am an undergraduate for computer engineering )

I liked from:
From "My revived interest in academic study recalled...."
To "....that allows them to experience my love of learning."

Another essay that I liked: http://www.essayadvice.com/essayfinal.asp
he talks about his life in general and the goad he achieved
Soufiane,

That is a good start.

Before we start on your essay, I want to ask you some background questions. We are going to use the information from the background questions to improve your essay. Please answer the following questions. Feel free to answer briefly or use a paragraph to answer. The questions are listed in no specific order. Also, when answering these questions, be sure to protect your privacy. Don't give out your name or other identifying information. If you need to, just make up a name.

1) What are you passions, interests and hobbies?

2) Why do you want to learn more about Computer Science?

3) Did you win any prizes or receive special recognition from school or other activities related to your passions, interests and hobbies?

4) What are you favorite topics in school? Did you do well in those topics?

5) What are you future career ambitions? How will having a computer science degree help you.

The reason for asking these questions is that we want to incorporate those points into your essay.

When writing an autobiographical essay, we are not giving the person a chronological account of our life. Instead, we have a 2-3 page commercial. We want to highlight those items in our life (background) that will interest and intrigue the university. For example, if your entire life so far has been winning science awards, math prizes and other "math stuff", but you suddenly apply to major in dance, the school will wonder why? He has not shown in his past that he has any interest or aptitude in dance. Similarly, in our case, we want to show that there is a history of aptitude and interest in those topics which support computer science.

This is going to be a bit of a slow process. But be patient, we'll get there.

MountainHiker
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Hi,

1) computer & information technologies , politics (reading newspaper, forums participation)
2) All what's missing on my knowledge! Computer is a tool that fascinates me, I want to learn more about what are the other capacities of computer and what are the manner and logisitics other fields use computer.
3) In moroccan school don't care much about that. But I'll be fair, At middle school I had a special recognition about poesie, I wrote a poem about war, lol
In Golf, my favorite sport, I participated in two tournaments, but I didn't win anything
( please note that these things have been written in my application )

4) I love Physics, English, French, yes I got well. but for physics, the final exam, even I suceeded the mark isn't good.

5) My career ambitions? I don't know yet. But I know that I want to study this major!
because I knew that comp.s IS my field I learn rapidly everything is related to computer since I love that and I know it is the FUTURE

For my essay that I completed which I gave you the link. Are we gonna forget it ?

P.S: I am apllying to two universities who asks for essays, one for a autobiographical one (binghamton university) and another (NYIT) who wants an essay for the following topic:

- Tell us about your career goals and your education at NYIT will support these goals.

DO you think we're gonna be able to make two essays?
Hi Soufiane,

Thank you for your answers.

With regard to your essay, we will examine it shortly. However, even though I like your essay, we are going to have pretty much start all over.

What the universities are asking for is how have you organized your life to take advantage of the opportunities? And how have you taken advantage of these opportunities to further your career goals.

Imagine if you could see a complete diary your life. For every day there were a few recorded pages. For this essay, we want to pick those pages that show you are a well qualified student to attend university specializing in computer science. Much of the other personal stuff we can leave out of the essay.

Here's what I suggest. Come back and look here on Monday. I will try to have some sample sentences and paragraphs done. We can then begin to add to these opening sentences and paragraphs.

I would say by Monday we will be about 5% done. That means that we have only just begun. There will still be lots of work ahead.

The two essays by the two different universities are very similar. So it won't be much additional work to change one to the other.

Some more questions for you.

1) Do you plan to live and work in the States after you finish? Of do ou plan to return to Morocoo?

2) If you do return to Morocco, are there lots of opportunities for you?

3) Although I think your English is good, have you taken and passed the required English proficiency tests yet?

[url="http://admissions.binghamton.edu/international.html#EnglishProficiency "]English Proficiency"[/url].

4) Key skills that you.

Computer programming languages?, proficiency in which languages?, anything else you can think of that is helpful?

Do you see what I am beginning to do? I am getting to go into your background and extract all the "professional highlights" and skills so that we can build your biography around these points. We want to "advertise" how smart and capable you are when we do your biography.

I look forward to your response.

MountainHiker
Hi,

Please show me the link where it says you require an essay at Binghamtom University. I would like to read up their requirements.

MountainHiker
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