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I have several sentence correction from my English homework. I tried to fix the sentence, but i am not sure if they are right. Can you guys give me some advices and suggestions?

Original sentence is in bold, my correction is in italic.

7. Then he thanks God it was only a dream. (2)

Then, he thanks God that it was only a dream.

8. The cars fell in to the crevices. (1)

The cars fell into the crevices

9. The tremendous impact hit the Southern part of Los Angeles exactly at 9:00 o’clock evening time…(2)

The tremendous impact had hit the southern part of Los Angeles at exactly 9’clock evening time.

10. Suddenly everyone was covered in debris….(2)

Suddenly, everyone was covered by debris….

11. After couple of hour the oxygen in the ship……(3)

After couple hours, the oxygen inside the ship……

12. She belives that a canal that goes trough the ocean….(2)

She believes there is a canal that goes trough the ocean….

13. The earthquake when on for about 5 min. (2)

The earthquake went on for about 5 minutes.

14. Upon arriving, the same thought occured the entire crew. (2)

Upon arriving, the entire crew shared/had the same thought.

15. By time they arrived it was too late. (2)

By the time they arrived it was already too late.

16. All of a sudden a strange thing started happening. (1)

All of a sudden strange things started happening.

17. All you can hear in the city was screams and cries…(2)

All you can hear from the city were screams and cries….
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Comments  
On a quick read, I didn't find things wrong with some of the things that were supposed to need correction. Perhaps I have become accustomed to non-standard use. I am from the group that thinks that a comma isn't always necessary in situations like "Suddenly, a tiger jumped out."

The problem with #9 wasn't the verb tense - it was right before your change - but with 9:00 o'clock. Either 9:00 or nine o'clock, but not both. (Aso, lower case southern.)

#16 - Suddenly,

#13 - usually, write out number nine and below, so five minutes.

#15 - This one should have the comma after "arrived."

Someone else can pick through and see what other corrections are needed. Perhaps in the future, you can post fewer examples in a single post. It's a little overwhelming to see so many.
Yes, 2-3 issues per posting is fine. More, and it may be burdensome.
14-16 seem OK.

17. All you can hear in the city was screams and cries…(2)

All you could hear from the city were screams and cries….
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Hi,

Some more suggestions.

8. The cars fell in to the crevices. (1)

The cars fell into the crevices A 'crevice' is usually a tiny crack. I wonder if you mean a 'crevasse'?

9. The tremendous impact hit the Southern part of Los Angeles exactly at 9:00 o’clock evening time…(2)

The tremendous impact hit the southern part of Los Angeles at exactly 9’clock evening time. You don't need to change this to 'had hit'.

11. After couple of hour the oxygen in the ship……(3)

After a couple of hours, the oxygen inside the ship……

Best wishes, Clive
thank you so much!!!
15. By the time not 'By time', by the way...
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Tam Sadek15. By the time not 'By time', by the way...
Yes, but the OP made the correction (underneath, in italics.)
Thanks. Emotion: smile Missed that!
Can someone please help me reword sentences so I don'y playgerize?
ALEXAAAI have several sentence correction from my English homework. I tried to fix the sentence, but i am not sure if they are right. Can you guys give me some advices and suggestions?

Original sentence is in bold, my correction is in italic.

7. Then he thanks God it was only a dream. (2)

Then, he thanks God that it was only a dream.

8. The cars fell in to the crevices. (1)

The cars fell into the crevices

9. The tremendous impact hit the Southern part of Los Angeles exactly at 9:00 o’clock evening time…(2)

The tremendous impact had hit the southern part of Los Angeles at exactly 9’clock evening time.

10. Suddenly everyone was covered in debris….(2)

Suddenly, everyone was covered by debris….

11. After couple of hour the oxygen in the ship……(3)

After couple hours, the oxygen inside the ship……

12. She belives that a canal that goes trough the ocean….(2)

She believes there is a canal that goes trough the ocean….

13. The earthquake when on for about 5 min. (2)

The earthquake went on for about 5 minutes.

14. Upon arriving, the same thought occured the entire crew. (2)

Upon arriving, the entire crew shared/had the same thought.

15. By time they arrived it was too late. (2)

By the time they arrived it was already too late.

16. All of a sudden a strange thing started happening. (1)

All of a sudden strange things started happening.

17. All you can hear in the city was screams and cries…(2)

All you can hear from the city were screams and cries….

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