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Hello

I tried to translate a Swiss dialect poem in Swiss Standard German and British Standard English. I'd be glad to get your suggestions.

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British Standard English

My boy’s trouser pocket



An old bang stripe pistol,

a wallet, empty of course,

a pencil and a piece of carbon,

a handkerchief that would like to be clean.



A piece of candy, musty and green,

a four leaved clover, wilted,

a jackknife and a handful of marbles,

a lot that never will win.



Matches and a tendril of clematis,

a ticket for visiting the Minster Tower,

a magnifying glass and a mouth organ

and right at the bottom – even an earthworm.



What things such a tot carries around –

it’s almost a wonder:

A pocket full of mess, rubbish and dirt?

A pocket full of a boy’s happiness!



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Deutschschweizerisches Standarddeutsch



Der Hosensack meines Buben



Eine alte Käpslipistole,

ein Portemonnaie, natürlich leer,

ein Bleistift und ein Stücklein Kohle,

ein Nastuch, das gern sauber wär.



Ein grün angegrautes Bröcklein Kandiszucker,

ein Klee, vierblättrig und verblüht,

ein Sackmesser und eine Handvoll Marmeln,

ein Los, das sicher nicht gewinnt.



Zündhölzer und ein Nielenstengel,

ein Billett für auf den Münsterturm,

eine Lupe und eine kleine Mundharmonika,

und zuunterst noch ein Regenwurm.



Was so ein Knopf – 's ist fast ein Wunder –

nicht alles mit sich umherträgt:

Einen Sack voll Gerümpel, Dreck und Plunder?

Einen Sack voll Bubenseligkeit!
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Regards,
Rolf

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1 2
Rolf:
It's a very nice poem and captures the essence of little boys of any nationality.
I don't understand "An old bang stripe pistol" - is this "an old cap pistol"?
Also, I would use "lad" instead of "tot". A tot usually means a child who is walking, but not independent (2-4 years old). "lad" is older, and independent
I like this poem. Good job overall.

Just a few comments

bang-stripe pistol - this puzzled me but I think that the suggestion of 'cap gun' is probably what you meant. Some of them are used with strips of cardboard with little dabs of powder.

Again, tot is not appropriate.

I'm not sure what 'a piece of carbon' would be. - Did you mean a piece of charcoal?

'candy' is American English. British English - use either chocolate or a sweet - I'm not sure which one you intended.
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nona the britbang-stripe pistol - this puzzled me but I think that the suggestion of 'cap gun' is probably what you meant. Some of them are used with strips of cardboard with little dabs of powder.

I'd choose 'cap gun' if this is British Standard English, but it looks like a little revolver ...

Again, tot is not appropriate.

I got 'lad' ...

I'm not sure what 'a piece of carbon' would be. - Did you mean a piece of charcoal?

Yes, a broken lump of coal or charcoal

'candy' is American English. British English - use either chocolate or a sweet - I'm not sure which one you intended.

It's candied sugar (brown) – a broken lump of sugar candy ...

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Hello

Which is British English?

StartFragment>
lot (au, ca, uk, us)
lottery ticket (au, ca, uk, us, nz)EndFragment> 

Regards,

Rolf

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In the US, we sometimes "draw lots" to see who will win, for example, the chance to go first.
"Lot" to me was appropriate for poetic license, lottery ticket is correct in the US.
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Me,too.The truest poetry is the most feigning, and lovers are given to poetry;and what they swear in poetry may be said as lovers they do feign.
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Last question:

'a tendril of clematis'

This is a tendril smoked by boys. It must have a special expression in British English.

oberhaenslir.

Last question: 'a tendril of clematis'

This is a tendril smoked by boys. It must have a special expression in British English.



Clematis is a flowering vine. A tentril is a stem of new plant growth. I don't know any boys that smoke these stems or flowers. It has no active pharmacological content. 
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