I'm only 15, and I've written an essay 1000+ words long. Please try to grade the essay according to college(if acceptable) and secondary schools levels. If possible, please point out any grammatical mistakes and lackings in evidences or other aspects.

The Bargain

Look around you. What do you see? I don’t know about your view, but my view is that things are a great deal different between medieval times and now. We have accepted the bargain for luxury, giving up traditional, healthy lifestyles. Nothing comes without a price. We have blighted air, heavy haze, and plenty more.

Planet Earth. Gaia. There is a saying that the Earth is an organism, and we are insignificantly miniscule fragments that it is composed of. However, the word “insignificant” must be revised. The “insignificant” fragments that we were haven’t been exactly "insignificant". We release toxic materials into the environment, destroying the ecosystem. We have destroyed life, the ultimate miracle of God’s creation. We are desiccating the handiwork of God himself. What are we doing? Is it man’s purpose to destroy this once blissful shelter?

As early as the starting of the Industrial Revolution, man has begun the infinite race of technology, pursuing the dream of luxury. In this blind race for luxury, Mother Nature has suffered a great deal. It is an option to pursue technology, but the destroying of nature simply isn’t acceptable. Man has developed the world, but has been excessively so. All of a sudden, mysterious and deadly diseases strike, leaving nothing but death in its wake. Cancer has become a major player in the slaughtering of humans, and the recent avian flu outbreak has joined the party.

In the maniacal race of technology, the effects of global warming have been blatantly ignored, until now. The temperature of the globe has sharply risen. The effects are the most apparent on agriculture. Crops are withered. The trees fight for survival. Forest fires break out throughout the world. Not only these, but the whole ecosystem is unstable. The mighty Ice Sheets in Greenland and North Antarctica are becoming un-mighty. The ice caps at the northern and southern poles are melting. And because of these factors, the sea level has risen to a frightening level. The rare birds that live in the cold climate of the poles are in danger of extinction. The seals might have nowhere to feed on. And because of global warming, the migration patterns of certain species of animals have been disrupted. This disruption has the potential of making the ecosystem unstable, and eventually destroying it.

In the highly developed cities, man’s scar is the most apparent. High buildings block our view of the beautiful sun. Automobiles’ noises smother the natural sounds of life. Black steel and grey concrete replace our once green haven. The biodiversity of these cities often are extraordinarily low, thanks to excess and unbalanced development. These are several of the numerous characteristics cities possess. For the sake of paper, trees have been cut down, leaving acres and acres of wastelands.. For the sake of fuel, crude oil is mined straight down to the last drop, leaving useless lakes. These, among others, have befouled our landscape.

The national parks have been around for a long time, being the only habitat for untainted nature. Since then, these havens for a number of species of flora and fauna have been the only safe shelter for them. These parks are here for a reason. Their purpose is to preserve nature in its own special way, unaffected by factors outside. Outside the national parks, the unplanned logging of forests have resulted in the extinction of several rare, magnificent animals, such as the ivory-billed woodpecker, the saber-toothed cat, and a lot more beautiful creatures. These wonders must be able to be appreciated by all of mankind. The wonder of nature has to be passed down, generation by generation.

The world is given to us by God. It is up to us to ensure its well-being. Although it has survived for zillions of zillions of years, in these recent years it has become deeply damaged. Haze hampers the atmosphere. Smoke blocks the Sun from shining on us. The ozone layer is begun its journey to nothingness. These are the making of Man. These are the effects modern man has brought with him. The world has survived for a long time. And it will. But the same cannot be said for the human race. Gaia chooses what is good, what is bad. And her tolerance is waning. Once her wrath is incurred, the world will be remade. Dinosaurs will walk the land once more. The Ice Age will occur again. And man will soon walk the earth. This cycle may repeat itself an infinite number of times in pursue of an other breed of man that appreciates God’s work.

The preference for luxury over health has been around for centuries. We have pursued luxurious lives, and paid the price for it. The mortality rate has been a sky-high figure these recent years. We have ignored the factors that govern nature itself. And very soon, we are going to suffer the consequences of the catastrophe we have brought on ourselves. The second Ice Age has been predicted. It is up to us to make a choice. Will we live in luxury and await the inevitable? Or will we start the recovery of Gaia immediately and avoid the extermination of the human race?

There are a great number of things man can do to save Mother Earth. The conservation of resources is the most important. We take the usage of paper for granted, not thinking even an instant about where it comes from. For every bundle of paper in our hands, some trees have been mercilessly cut down. For every kilometer we drive in the car, we spend precious crude oil and produce harmful waste. Man can take measures such as recycling to save a lot of trees. As for the usage of crude oil, cars can always use hydrogen-powered engines, that produce nothing but pure water. The methods of preserving the environment are infinite, but the efforts that we are taking just aren’t enough.

Listen to the sounds of nature. Trees whistle, pleading for salvation. Animals howl, mourning the fate of their kind. These are the sounds of nature that tell you that Mother Nature is dying. We must stop this merciless invasion into Mother Nature’s territory. Stop all the bulldozers, chainsaws, fires, and all that endanger nature. Forget these plundering of resources; forget this endless race for technology. We must do what is necessary to survive, not what is necessary to live in luxury. We must live peacefully alongside nature, not against it. Only then, our kind will truly prosper and live in harmony for all eternity.

The power to save the environment is in our grasp. We must do whatever is right to repair the damages made by man. However, most of us do not pay attention to nature’s woes. No matter how afflicted nature is, man remains ignorant. I can only hope, that one day man will wake up from this senseless race, and repair the damages inflicted upon Planet Earth by themselves. One cannot do this all by oneself. This problem needs to be attended to by all of man. Therefore, it is that we must unite, and stare this problem in its face as we strive to reinstate the former elegance of our once beautiful dwelling.

(1202 words)
Too much repetition and discussion at a general level.
If your purpose is to persuade your readers into living a more environmentally friendly lifestyle, that's what you should be focusing on. Start with a general statement, then elaborate with details and examples.
I love your essay!!!
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i guess its been quite a while sisnce you wrote this. i just want to congratulate you. it is really good. it it a boit repetitive at times, but .....what nark did you get?

good luck!

chiara