Hello !

i would be thankful if you check my first short story writing

plz focus on grammar and give my your opinion .

A wonderful mistake

As every day, I wake up early at 6 o'clock, wearing my clothes speedily, tie my neck tie and checked my final look. Every thing ran quickly, because time is important for me, every second means lots of cent to me, every cents means huge number of dollars.

In the breakfast table my wife and my children sitting. They talk to me Sara: "daddy, I miss you ". Ali: "my school invites you to my excellence celebration. I only said:" hi" then as soon "good bye!"

In my association meeting, we discussed about the new project which we will build. While I was checking the accounting paper I felt tried and I lost my attention then I suddenly I found my self on a white bed,

My wife was standing with her white heart and my kids around me .Then I asked:" what happen". "No thing, just a few tired" they said.

"I want to leave this place there is a lot of work must be finished" I said.

A day after the doctor came to my room. He said:"I have a bad news for you but I think you are enduring enough to hear this news". "You have cancer in your blood" he said. I asked:" is does mean I have short time to live", "lives in GOD hands" he said. Exhausted and soaked to the news. I asked him to not tell any body about that. I threw myself on the depressed white bed, started into the darkness and thought bitterly, why me?

I had the permission to leave the hospital. Before I returned to my home, I went to the park and thinking about this life? What is it mean to me? What am getting? Money?? Only collecting money! What about my family, my wife and my kids? They didn't have any thing from me? What about love, fondness and happiness? I didn't remember that I hug one of them!! How awful I was!!

"You have a short life, you should give everybody what they have to get" I told myself.

Then, I went to the bank; I withdrew some money to buy presents to my children. When I was there I saw old poor woman standing out the bank and asked the visitor for money:" I had 10 kids, no food for them, my husband died in a car accident "as a speed response I gave her all the money. I felt strange feeling, it is happiness! Yes, it is? I collect money for 20 year; I spent my money to collect other! Only I worked for keeping? Where I am? Why I didn't thing about humanitarian work? How it does come? Selfish man!

I returned to the bank office, I asked them to transfer 50% from my wealth to the poor in my country with out saying my name. I retuned to my home with a big present to my family, with a big smile, big hug for my kids. I spent lot of times with them, asking them about their school work, their friends and their ambitions.

It was nice time. Ali said:" father time run quickly, it is 12 o'clock, and you didn't go to sleep, tomorrow you have an important meeting with the Japanese legation "."There is no meeting more important than your meeting my kids" I said. They were surprised but what can I do? This is life! I didn't know that my kids are the light of my life until I knew about my illness, may be it is hard to know that you have short life but it is wonderful to live with hope, love and happiness.

I discovered that illness is in our soul not in our body and we shouldn't search for the joy around us because joy is in us!

Bright morning sunlight shone through my bedroom window when I woke up. I laid there lazily for a few minutes. Then I jumped out of bed and stopped under the hot water of the shower. The smell of coffee drifted through from the kitchen. Before I had my cup I had received phone call from my doctor "mmmm what does he want on that nice morning" I thought. "Hi, I want to see you as soon as you can please, there is something important for you"." ok Dr. I will take my kids to the school then I will see you bye" I said.

In the street I was thinking what happen? What is the important thing? Is it new curative? Let's go and see. A doctor smiled to me and said:" We are very sorry man, the blood test that we had, Was not yours "."What do you say?!!" I said loudly." It is our fault, we know but if you want any indemnity, we are ready". It was only then I realized they had mistaken me for some one else.
Hi Rak_moon,

I went through the story and edited it to an extent. I may myself have made a few mistakes. I hope this helps.

A wonderful mistake

Every day, I wake up early at 6 o'clock, wear my clothes quickly, tie my neck tie and check my final look. I’m always in a rush, because time is important to me. Every second means lots of cents to me, every cent means a large amount of dollars.

At the breakfast table, my wife and my children talk to me. Sara said, "Daddy, I miss you ". Ali said, "My school has invited you to the award function where I’m due to receive an excellence award". I only said, "Hi" and then soon after, "Good bye!"

In my association meeting, we discussed the new project which we planned to build. While I was checking the accounting paper I felt tired and distracted. Then, suddenly I found myself on a white bed.

My wife and kids was standing around me with their faces ashen. Then I asked, "What happened?" "Nothing, just a bit tired", they said.

"I want to leave this place; there is a lot of work that must be finished" I said.

A day after that, the doctor came to my room. He said, "I have a bad news for you, but I think you are now strong enough to hear this news. You have blood cancer". I asked, "Does that mean I have a short time to live?" "Life is in God’s hands”, he said. Exhausted and shocked by the news, I asked him to not tell any body about it. I threw myself on the depressing white bed, stared into the darkness and thought bitterly, “Why me?”

Soon after, I got permission to leave the hospital. Before I returned home, I went to the park and thought about my life. What does it mean to me? What am I getting? Money? Only collecting money! What about my family, my wife and my kids? They didn't get any thing from me? What about love, fondness and happiness? I didn't remember hugging anyone of them!! How awful I was!!

"You have a short life, you should give everybody what they deserve to get" I told myself.

Then, I went to the bank. I withdrew some money to buy presents for my children. While I was there, I saw an old poor woman standing outside the bank and asking the visitor for money. “I have 10 kids; no food for them and my husband died in a car accident”. In a quick response I gave her all the money. I felt a strange feeling. It is happiness! Yes, it is! I collected money for 20 years. I spent my money to collect more! I worked only to collect money? Where am I? Why I didn't think about humanitarian work? How did it happen? Selfish man!

I returned to the bank and asked them to transfer 50% of my wealth to the poor in my country without giving my name. I retuned home with a big present for my family, with a big smile, a big hug for my kids. I spent lot of time with them, asking them about their school work, their friends and their ambitions.

It was a nice time. Ali said, "Father, time goes by quickly, it is 12 o'clock and you haven’t gone to sleep. Tomorrow you have an important meeting with the Japanese legation(delegation)". “There is no meeting more important than meeting my kids", I said. They were surprised, but what can I do? This is life! I didn't know that my kids were the light of my life until I knew about my illness. May be it is hard to know that you have a short life, but it is wonderful to live with hope, love and happiness.

I discovered that illness is in our soul not in our body and we shouldn't search for joy around us because joy is in us!

Bright morning sunlight shone through my bedroom window when I woke up. I laid there lazily for a few minutes. Then I jumped out of bed and stood under the hot shower. The smell of coffee drifted through from the kitchen. Before I had my cup of coffee, I received phone call from my doctor. "Mmmm what does he want on such a nice morning", I thought. "Hi, I want to see you as soon as you can, please. There is something important for you". "Ok Doctor. I will take my kids to the school, and then I will see you. Bye", I said.

On the street I was thinking, “What happened? What is the important thing? Is it new cure? Let's go and see”. The doctor smiled to me and said, "We are very sorry man, the blood sample that we tested, was not yours". "What did you say?" I said loudly. "It is our fault, we know, but if you want any indemnity, we are ready". It was only then I realized they had mistaken me for some one else.

A few suggestions for you:

Work on choice of words.

Work on use of articles and prepositions.

Work on sentence structure and tenses.

Avoid framing long winded sentence.

Avoid use of unnecessary words.
Hi Betsy

Thanx for your editing and advices .

I am really gladful for your help.

Emotion: smile
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Hi there,

I suggest you work out the details in your story. You told it in a rush.
Great work! I hope to read more in the future.

Are you intrested in writing a Novel?

Later James .w Hickman
NICE
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