Could I ask somebody to check my letter, please? I need help!!! The topic is: Las night a very unusual event happened.Write a statement descibing what you saw. And the Assignment type is: Witness Statement.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep and decided to go for a walk along Green Road about 12.00 p.m. The night was pretty quiet. However, it was dreadfully because I didn’t even see people around. The street lamps were turned on, so there was no problem to notice somebody. I didn’t really pay attention to the cars standing on the curb. However, maybe I should have, because the cars were big, black with dimmed windows.

When I passed them by, I heard strange voices and steps. I quietly turned over and saw five men checking something near the jewellery shop. I was scared stiff. However, I decided to get closer and see what is going on. I hid in a bush, next to the scene. I spotted a man holding a gun and others looking around for something. I couldn’t see them very well, because of the dark, but they had black masks on theirs faces. I even had problem with breathing properly, because of the fear. Suddenly, I realised that one man disappeared.

Unfortunately, that was all I remember. I lost my consciousness and woke up after the burglary by night. I had fainted because of the explosion.

The next day I went to police to give an account of the burglary. The police asked me many questions. However, I wasn’t able to answer yet.
Last night, I couldn’t sleep and decided to go for a walk along Green Road about 12.00 p.m. The night was pretty quiet. However, it was dreadfully because I didn’t even see people around. The street lamps were turned on, so there was no problem to noticing somebody people.(a bit odd) I didn’t really pay attention to the cars standing on the curb. However, maybe I should have, because the cars were big, black with dimmed windows.

When I passed them by them(it would be better if you used past continuous), I heard strange voices and steps. I quietly turned over and saw five men checking something near the jewellery shop. I was scared stiff. However, I decided to get closer and see what is was going on. I hid in a bush, next to the scene. I spotted (spot a man?) a man holding a gun and others looking around for something. I couldn’t see them very well because of the dark, but they had black masks on theirs faces. I even had problem with breathing properly, because of the fear. Suddenly, I realised that one man disappeared.

Unfortunately, that was all I remember. I lost my consciousness and woke up after the burglary by night. I had fainted because of the explosion.

The next day I went to police to give an account of the burglary. The police asked me many questions. However, I wasn’t able to answer yet.
Hi,
thanks for the revision. What do you mean by 'spot a man', should be here e.g observed man? And why the sentence beginning with 'The steet lamps...' is weird?
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I didn't understand what you tried to say by spot a man and using to with help in your sentence beginning with street lamp didn't sound good to me so I changed it. If you have a better idea add here.
so 'observed a man' is a better idea? What do you think about 'theirs faces'? is it correct? or maybe their faces?
To be open say he saw a man and the other one should be their faces.
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