Troubled, beaten, I ponder

Beaten and it is bitter-our lives

Sadness fills the void

The void drained by boredom

Ransacked by the Emperors

Empty, we are, without love

Air sweeps in not to save -

But didn’t it kill our patience?

Toxins crawl up through our feast

We inhale, as exhale is forbidden

Cavities remark our beauty

Our need for it to dwell on us remarks-

our grotesqueness

It rains, all of a sudden

We wonder why

Was it the Devil above laughing?

“God” the commoners blabber

They smiled and told us-

“Life is a gift”

We couldn’t do none but giggle



Nice work. I do have a few comments. I don't know how a void can be drained. There's nothing in it; it's a void. I don't understand the use of the word "remark" in the poem. I'm lost there. Your final sentence should use "anything" instead of "none."


About "void", Sadness is the void. Sadness is being drained by boredom. I should have written "The void now drained by boredom" or for convenience, "Sadness drained by boredom".

I have misunderstood the use of "remark" here. What I meant is that "Cavities" is what's highlighting on their faces. Unlike in most people, it's make-up, piercings, etc.

Thank you for the criticism and do tell what you think about this.