Giving a detailed description of crime in newspapers and on Tv can have negative consequences. So this kind of information should be restricted in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People often see detailed reports of criminal activity in newspapers and on Television. This sort of content is popular in media because it is lucrative and captures the viewer's attention which gets people interested and sells advertising, but it may also have a negative consequence. A few opponents say that media reporting should be limited, I agree entirely and I will discuss it followed sentences.
To begin with, the prohibition of reporting specific sensitive information about a particular crime is needed to protect the audiences, especially the young audiences. These days, parents do not have time to control the information their children access on the Internet. Without parental guidance, they watch TV shows that are not oriented to their age which are leading young steps toward wrong deeds. When children read a report about unlawful acts such as shoplifting or theft, they can imitate these actions.
Another reason why sensationalized news on crimes should be banned is that it increases the fear of crime in society. Firstly, not everything posted on social media is carefully checked. Secondly, the more crime news appears, the more frequently people feel depression and anxiety. Increasing concerns and fear of crime levels lead to poor mental health and this significantly contributes to a lower quality of life.
To sum up, criminal reports should be limited so they would not impact badly on people, especially young people, and people’s mental health.
The first reason for a low score is that you wrote less than the minimum word count. You lost lots of points for "task response".
Aim to write 270-290 words for Task 2.
Avoid "filler" words that have little content.
Develop your ideas with realistic and believable examples. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
You can use this word counter: https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/
People often see detailed reports of criminal activity in newspapers and on Television. (The word "television" is not a proper noun.) This sort of content is popular in media (repetitious) because it is lucrative and captures the viewer's attention which gets people interested and sells advertising, but it may also have a (only one?) negative consequence. A few opponents say that media reporting on crimes should be limited, (comma splice error) I agree entirely. (That concludes a good thesis statement.) and I will discuss it followed sentences.
To begin with, (This hackneyed phrase should be avoided. It's not wrong, but it will bore the reader.) the prohibition of reporting specific sensitive information (What specific sensitive information are you talking about? Usually this is to protect the person being charged with a crime, not the people reading about it. For example, the faces of the arrested people are pixelated on TV images, so they cannot be identified. ) about a particular crime is needed to protect the audiences, especially the young audiences. These days, parents do not have time to control the information their children access on the Internet. (The task was about newspapers and television news broadcasts, not general websites on the internet. It is a very weak argument.) Without parental guidance, they watch TV shows (The task is not about adult entertainment. ) that are not oriented to their age which are leading young steps (wrong word) toward wrong deeds. When children read a report about unlawful acts such as shoplifting or theft, they can imitate these actions. (Please give an example about a young hoodlum being taken to jail after stealing someone's wallet, and why that would entice a child to have the same thing happen to them.)
Another reason why sensationalized news on crimes should be banned is that it increases the fear of crime in society. Firstly, First, not everything posted on social media (The task was newspapers and television news broadcasts, not social media. It is an invalid argument. This is an argument that you have memorized and you use it often, even when it is a real stretch. You give no further explanation. You do not develop your argument in any way. So, you lose points for coherence and cohesion.) is carefully checked. Secondly, Second, the more crime news appears, the more frequently people feel depression and anxiety. Increasing concerns and fear of crime levels lead to poor mental health and this significantly contributes to a lower quality of life.
To sum up, criminal reports should be limited so they would not impact badly on people, especially young people, and people’s mental health.