Topic: Leisure is a growing industry, but people no longer entertain themselves as much as they used to because the use of modern technology has made them less creative. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

(I rewrote my essay based on your recommends)

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Technology has become an indispensable part of almost every aspect in modern society, particularly, in recreation, it has brought a revolution in the way people entertain themselves as well as perform their creation. Personally, I totally disagree with this statement and I will illustrate my view as follow.

Obviously, on the one hand, the development of digital devices have changed the definition of leisure. In the past time, leisure meant people spend their spare time going out to meet their friends or play some outside activities, playing card games. But today, there are full of choices in the form of entertainment that is being digitalized dramatically by the latest technological devices and Internet. In that way, people not only have chances to watch channels on both the nationally and internationally but also be able to chat with their friends or their relatives in any corner of the world. In addition, children can also explore breathtaking scenes in historical buildings, famous heritage sites through computers at their home instead of visiting these places directly compared with previous generations.

On the other hand, technology has not limited the creative thinking. In contrast, technology advances have been bringing to us a huge change improving the quality of people’s lives worldwide. First, the application of up-to-date softwares have stimulated in the process of generation of outstanding ideas and utilizing them efficiently. For instance, the Frozen film by Walt Disney has attracted billions of viewers of all ages across the globe by its stunning visual effects and an attractive soundtrack that all were produced by the latest technology. Second, science and the advancement of technology, in fact, give us more time to enjoy our life because people can complete their work faster. This is proven by mushrooming of entertainment places like fancy malls, restaurants or travel destinations incrediblely these days.

In conclusion, the role of technology in leisure is not able to be underestimated. We entertain ourselves more than in earlier times but the ways of entertainment are different and technology has also offered us more choices than before.

Please post revisions in the original thread. Then we can compare the essays and see your changes.

Xuân LànhTechnology has become an indispensable part of almost every aspect in modern society, particularly, in recreation, it has brought a revolution in the way people entertain themselves as well as perform their creation.

You did not correct your comma splice error.

Read this page: https://www.chompchomp.com/terms/commasplice.htm


"perform their creation" is not the topic.

Do you know what creativity is?

Creativity: the ability to create new ideas or things using your imagination.

Xuân Lành Personally, I totally disagree with this statement and I will illustrate my view as follow.

Do you disagree that technology has brought a revolution?

That is what you wrote. "This statement" refers to your previous sentence.
It is not the topic that you are supposed to write about.


Also, do not "announce" to the reader what you are going to write. Delete that part.

Xuân LànhIn conclusion, the role of technology in leisure is not able to be underestimated.

That is not the topic you are supposed to write about.

The essay is not about the role of technology in leisure time.

It is about destroying or reducing people's ( particularly the children's) ability to make up their own stories and ideas.

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.

I greatly appreciate your suggestions!