Hello
can you help me check two paragraphs
I am not sure which sentence I still need to work or doesn't make sense
,and give me some comment on two paragraph,because I am eager to improve writing skill.
Thank you for your help.

It is only when government funds social welfare that people who live on the edge of destitution can improve their standard of living. With our country faced with global economic depression, more and more enterprises and traditional factories lay off employees so that some workers lose their stable jobs once, resulting in many families suddenly lose financial dependence. Take my relative for example. When my uncle was unemployed, he couldn’t have ability to pay an installment monthly of condominium. Consequently, His families were forced to move by bank. Then, he had to find some part time job to sustain his family and live on absolutely poverty. Therefore, government should sponsor adequate money to build a unemployed fund and help them tide over difficult times until they look for a job instead of putting a lot of money in developing or buying computer technology.

It is an educational fund that helps some poor students to finish their studying career on time. Especially, most families are facing the crisis of unemployment. In recent years, more and more students have been choosing to drop out of school because of financial pressure. These parents couldn't afford expensive tuition. In other words, what they need is not computer technology but an educational fund to pay their tuition. Only by the way of building an educational fund, can it satisfy poor students’ basic needs.
You tend to put modifying phrases/clauses in the wrong places.

[once] some workers lose their stable jobs, many families suddenly lose financial dependence.

When my uncle was unemployed, he couldn’t pay [simpler} *his monthly installment [wrong prep] condominium. Consequently, (no caps) His families were forced to move {move this up, and put it next to the verb} by bank. Then, he had to find some part time job to sustain his family and live on absolutely poverty. Therefore, government should *build a unemployed (use noun form) fund and help them tide over difficult times until they look for a job (looking for one isn't good enough) instead of putting a lot of money in developing or buying computer technology (put the "instead of" next to the agent).

...some poor students to finish their *education (simpler and less awkward) on time. *Many families facing the crisis of unemployment are in dire needs of such help.
It's only when (I leave the UK) that (I'll see an improvement in my living standards).

Basically, this first bracket is a present subjunctive and the second bracket is a future tense, and this is how this phrase is paired. Here are some more examples:

It's only when parents stop giving children money that smoking will stop amongst youngsters.

It's only when more money is given to training that results will start to improve.

Got it?