Hello, guys! I am a bachelor student from China and recently I am writing a motivation letter to apply for master programmes in geography (especially those with a technological specialty in GIS, Remote Sensing, Geoinformatics, etc) in Europe.

I have read some guidance materials for letter's writing and try to avoid cliches as much as I can. Nevertheless, the letter still remains to be redundant and unnatural:(

I'd be very grateful if you could lend me a hand and revise my letter:)

Below is my motivation letter:
Motivation letter
ABC University

Dear Sirs or Madams,

I am intensely interested in the Master of Science in Geography at ABC starting in September 2016. With this letter I would like to express my strong desire to become a student of the interuniversity programme.

Currently I am a bachelor student majoring in Resources Environment & Urban and Rural Planning Management at the School of Geography and Planning, BBC University, China. A critical reason for me to apply for geography study is undoubtedly my consuming interest in the subject, which originally derived from my personal travelling experience around China. From childhood to adulthood, I have explored half of my country, where a diversity of landscape, people, and culture leapt to my eyes and aroused a strong desire of further discovering the differences in various regions and the connections lurking between them. The decision that I chose a geography-related programme as my bachelor’s major has initially proved my determined motivation for geography study.

During bachelor studies, the courses relevant to geographical information processing technologies considerably captivated my mind, not only because these courses instil an abundant amount of geographical information in me, but also because the application of technologies fully and accurately presents the numerical and geometrical characteristics of geographical features, which enables complicated calculations, eg projection calculations, to be possible and convenient. On the course of “GIS and Remote Sensing (RS)”, the concept of “Smart City”, which is a combination between technologies and cities, caught my attention at the moment it heaved in my sight. The simple fact of the concept that it enables an entire city to improve its efficiency substantially turns out to be extremely attractive and inspiring. With a curious and passionate mind in geography and technologies, I was involved in a study tour to the Guangzhou Urban Planning & Design Survey Research Institute in 2014, where numerous planning works were displayed. A master plan they presented to us, for instance, was formulated in a very precise and scientific way after they applied GIS and RS technologies to assess and analyse the environmental performance of the city, which again excited my interest in geography.

Throughout college years, I have taken active participation in a variety of geography study projects. Presently, I am involved in an Innovative Project of my university focusing on the study of villages in Guangzhou. Getting attracted by the rapid development of electronic commerce (E-commerce) industry in China, our team decided to take the transformations of land use, population, industries, and people’s concept of the villages which are characterised by E-commerce as our preliminary research directions. With an economic geography mind and geographical technologies, I succeeded in representing the increase of buildings and the formation of the recently-built electronic commerce industrial chain. Apart from this, in 2014 I engaged in a project of urban investigation in Dongguan city, where an uncommon sight of enormous enterprises and newly-constructed centralized villagers’ apartments greeted our eyes. After interviews with locals, in-depth self-study, and careful consultation with directors, I finally came to a conclusion that as the capital aggregation increased, enterprises expanded at an unprecedented rate and occupied a huge amount of area, eventually bringing up the appearance of centralized housing, which also gained my teachers’ recognition. Admittedly, these academic projects are only elementary attempts to explore the society and remained to be improved with vigorous validation. The experience gained from and the intellectual ideas sparked by them, however, stimulated me to make greater efforts on this path.

Looking ahead, there is a limitless prospect for geography in the future, especially that which combines with geographical technologies. In recent times, what impressed me greatly was the concept of “infrastructure smartisation” proposed by Doctor Shinji Yamamura from Japan. By using Information and Communication Technologies (ICT) including GIS and RS, information of various infrastructures can be integrated and processed simultaneously, resulting in a leap in efficiency and creating a more sustainable and humanized city. Though benefiting an entire city may seem a task too arduous for an ordinary individual to fulfil, analysing geographical information, conducting a project feasibility study, and formulating a reasonable plan can be accomplished by a geographer and makes significant contribution to society. As a matter of fact, the European Union has developed a range of programmes under “Europe’s Digital Agenda”, suggesting that a bright future awaiting geographers with technological skills. In my opinion, there is a clear vision that the future of our cities lies in geographical technologies, therefore I crave desperately for continuing my further study in this field.

Given that I have been a student of science since my secondary education, and I got excellent grades for mathematics courses (average GPA 4.7/5.0) during university, it is certain that I have acquired a sufficient scientific background. Although my geographical techniques are still at a primary level, with my scientific background, some basic research experience, and my tremendous enthusiasm and keen interest in geography, I am sure I have fully prepared for further study in geography. After reading through the information on your website, I find your Master’s Programme in Geography perfectly suits my demand of the advanced study on geography, because you not only offer multidisciplinary courses including qualitative and quantitative knowledge and research skills, but also provide field trips and internship which incorporates practice into theories. From my perspective, the programme equips its graduates with abundant geographical knowledge and sufficient technological skills, which is exactly what I want to achieve. I hope this letter has clearly expressed my motivation to your programme and I would be grateful if you look favourably on me. Thank you for your deliberation!

Sincerely Yours,
XXX
Thanks very much for your reading and help:)
1 2
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am intensely highly interested in the Master of Science in Geography at ABC starting in September 2016. With this letter I would like to express my strong desire to become a student of the for applying to this inter-university programme.

Currently I am studying for my bachelor's degree student majoring in Resources Environment & Urban and Rural Planning Management at the School of Geography and Planning, BBC University, China. A critical reason for me to apply for studying geography study is undoubtedly my consuming strong interest in the subject, which originally derived from my personal travel ling experience around China. From childhood to adulthood, I have explored half of my country, where a diversity of landscape, people, and cultures leapt to my eyes and aroused a strong desire of to further discover ing the differences in various regions and the connections lurking between them. The decision that I chose a geography-related programme as my bachelor’s major has initially proved my determined motivation for geography study.

During my bachelor's studies, I was particularly interested in the courses relevant subjects related to geographical information processing technologies, considerably captivated my mind, not only because of their interesting content, these courses instil an abundant amount of geographical information in me, but also because the application of technologies fully and accurately presents the numerical and geometrical characteristics of geographical features, which enables complicated calculations, eg projection calculations, to be possible and convenient. On the course of “GIS and Remote Sensing (RS)”, the concept of “Smart City”, which is a combination between technologies and cities, caught my attention at the moment it heaved in my sight. The simple fact of the concept that it enables an entire city to improve its efficiency substantially turns out to be extremely attractive and inspiring. With a curious and passionate mind in geography and technologies, I was involved in a study tour to the Guangzhou Urban Planning & Design Survey Research Institute in 2014, where numerous planning works were displayed. A master plan they presented to us, for instance, was formulated in a very precise and scientific way after they applied GIS and RS technologies to assess and analyse the environmental performance of the city, which again excited my interest in geography.

I started proofreading your letter but gave up after soon afterwards as you can see! Please rewrite it in simpler and clearer language. Otherwise, it's really difficult to follow and understand. Emotion: tongue tied
Thank you very much for your proofreading and suggestion, teechr!

There is still one question I want to know about how I should rewrite my letter.
I read some guidance material that when I am writing a letter of recommendation, I should try to avoid cliches. They say I should try to be as much specific as I can when I am writing.
In this case, if I replace my original sentence "these courses instil an abundant amount of geographical information in me" with just "their interesting content", would it become too general and abstract for a letter of motivation? Of course, I know my language can be clearer and simpler even if I need to describe in a specific way.

Thanks again! Look forward to your reply! Emotion: smile
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Dear teechr:

I have revised my letter, trying to put it in a simpler and clearer way as you said. Please kindly read it again if you are free. Thank you sincerely!
Letter of Motivation: XXX
ABC University
Department of Earth and Environmental Sciences

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am highly interested in the Master of Science in Geography at ABC starting in September 2016. With this letter I would like to express my strong desire for applying to this inter-university programme.

Currently I am studying for my bachelor’s degree in Resources Environment & Urban and Rural Planning Management at the School of Geography and Planning, BBC University, China. A critical reason for me to study geography is undoubtedly my intense interest in the subject, which originally derived from my personal travel experience around China. I have explored half of my country, where a diversity of landscape, people, and cultures leapt to my eyes and aroused my strong desire to further discover the differences in various regions and the connections between them.

During my bachelor’s studies, I was particularly interested in the subjects related to geographical information processing technologies, not only because of their diverse course content, but also because the application of technologies fully and accurately presents the numerical and geometrical characteristics of geographical features. For example, on the course of “GIS and Remote Sensing (RS)”, the concept of “Smart City”, which is a combination between technologies and cities, caught my attention at first sight. The fact that it enables an entire city to substantially improve its efficiency is extremely attractive and inspiring. With a curious and passionate mind in geography and technologies, I was involved in a visit to the Guangzhou Urban Planning & Design Survey Research Institute in 2014. There I was utterly amazed at the accuracy and scientificity of their plans, which was attributed to their application of GIS and RS technologies.

Throughout college years, I have taken active participation in a variety of geography study projects. Presently, I am a member of an Innovative Project of my university. Attracted by the rapid development of electronic commerce (E-commerce) industry in China, our team decided to take the E-commerce villages as our preliminary research directions. With an economic geography mind and geographical technologies, I succeeded in presenting the increase of buildings and the formation of recently-built E-commerce industrial chain of these villages. Apart from this, in 2014 I engaged in an urban study project in Dongguan city, where an uncommon sight of enormous enterprises and centralized villagers’ apartments greeted our eyes. After interviews with locals, thorough self-study, and careful consultation with tutors, I finally came to a conclusion that it was urban capital aggregation that led to these phenomena, which also gained my classmates’ and teachers’ recognition. Admittedly, these academic projects are only elementary attempts and remained to be improved with vigorous validation. The experience gained from and the intellectual ideas sparked by them, however, stimulated me to make greater efforts on this path.

Looking ahead, there is a limitless prospect for geography in the future, especially that which combines with geographical technologies. In recent times, what impressed me greatly was the conception of “infrastructure smartisation” proposed by Doctor Shinji Yamamura from Japan. By using Information and Communication Technologies (ICT) including GIS and RS, information of various infrastructures can be integrated and processed simultaneously, creating a more efficient and sustainable city. Though benefiting an entire city may seem a task too arduous for an ordinary individual to fulfil, analysing geographical information, conducting a project feasibility study, and formulating a reasonable plan can be accomplished by a geographer and makes significant contribution to society. As a matter of fact, the European Union has developed a range of programmes under “Europe’s Digital Agenda”, suggesting a bright future awaiting geographers with technological skills. In my opinion, there is a clear vision that the future of our cities lies in geographical technologies, therefore I crave desperately for continuing my further study in this field.

Given that I have been a student of science since my secondary education, and I got excellent grades for mathematics courses (average GPA 4.7/5.0) during university, it is certain that I have acquired a sufficient scientific background. Although my geographical techniques are still at a primary level, I am sure my scientific background, research experience, and tremendous enthusiasm in geography can make it up and fully prepare myself for further study in geography. After reading through the information on your website, I find your Master’s Programme in Geography perfectly suits my demand of the advanced study on geography. Not only because you offer multiple courses comprising theories and technologies, but also provide field trips and internship which combines practice with teaching. From my perspective, the programme equips its graduates with abundant geographical knowledge and sufficient technological skills, which is exactly what I want to achieve. I hope this letter has clearly expressed my motivation to your programme and I would be grateful if you look favourably on me. Thank you for your deliberation!

Sincerely Yours,
XXX
This is still not straightforward enough, in my opinion. I also think you should not focus solely on technical aspects. In a typical motivational letter, you are also expected to outline your goals, career aspirations, achievements and personal qualities to convince the reader that you are a suitable candidate. It's up to you whether you want to do that and whether you want to simplify the letter further. Emotion: smile
Thanks again for your advice, teechr!
So before it was the language problem that you mentioned, now it also involves the content issue, I shall rethink about the structure of my motivation letter and revise it again!
Regards
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Hello, teechr, I have basically rewrite my motivation letter again.
I think right now my letter's structure is
1: state my motivation
2: tell them about myself and show my interest
3 and 4: my knowledge and skills achievements respectively
5: career aspiration
6: my goal and the reason for this particular university

I know still there is a lot to improve, and I am willing to endeavour. Please kindly read it again if you are free.
Thank you sincerely!
Letter of Motivation: XXX
ABC
Department of Earth and Environmental Sciences

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am highly interested in the Master of Science in Geography at ABC starting in September 2016. With this letter I would like to apply for this inter-university programme.

Currently I am studying for my bachelor’s degree in Resources Environment & Urban and Rural Planning Management at the School of Geography and Planning, Sun Yat-sen University, China. A critical reason for me to study geography is undoubtedly my intense interest in the subject, which originally derived from my personal travel experience around China. I have explored half of my country, where a diversity of landscape, people, and cultures leapt to my eyes and aroused my strong desire to further discover the differences in various regions and the connections between them.

With strong interest in geography, I devoted myself to my bachelor’s studies in earnest and got a GPA of 3.8/5.0 for the previous three academic years, ranking top in our major. Because I have been a student of science since my secondary education, I was particularly interested in Mathematics among all courses. Preparing for the coming course material, discussing with classmates and professors over assignments had been my daily routine which eventually paid off as I got an excellent 4.7/5.0 GPA for my Mathematics courses on average. Apart from this, the subjects related to geographical technologies also captivated my attention. I took these courses seriously and created my original evaluation systems for city interaction and demographic dividend influence with ArcGIS and SPSS. Based on my college academic performance, I believe I have acquired a sufficient scientific background for further study.

Complementing my sound academic knowledge are my leadership and cooperation skills obtained from a diversity of curriculum assignments and projects throughout my college years. For instance, presently I am involved in an Innovation Project of SYSU. As the group leader, I carefully distributed appropriate assignments to different group members and read through a great deal of relevant literature in order to ensure a successful beginning. After gaining enough background information of Guangzhou’s villages, we investigated a list of initial options in person and finally selected a novel and feasible study object which is electronic commerce village. Without doubt, being engaged in these tasks broadened my horizons, but more importantly, it also enhanced my leadership and teamwork abilities as I learned how to guide and collaborate with my group members.

Looking ahead, there is a limitless prospect for geography in the future. In recent times, what impressed me greatly was the idea of “Infrastructure Smartisation” proposed by Doctor Shinji Yamamura from Japan. By using technologies including GIS and RS to substantially improve urban infrastructure’s efficiency, he made a big step forward towards the once distant conception of “Digital City”. The enormous capabilities of geography has again strengthened my career aspiration, which is being a pioneer who combines an entire urban area with geographical technologies to create a genuine digital city. With geographical technologies highly embedded in various aspects of our city, the quality of life can be can considerably promoted again.

To achieve my career ambition, I need to acquire the advanced geography knowledge, and simultaneously master the cutting-edge technologies. I heard about your Master’s Programme in geography from one of its alumni who strongly recommended me to apply for the programme. After reading through the information on your website, I find your programme perfectly suits my demand of the advanced study on geography. Not only because you offer multiple courses comprising theories and technologies, but also provide field trips and internship which combines practice with teaching. Although my geographical techniques are still at a primary level, I am sure that my tremendous enthusiasm, comprehensive scientific knowledge, and leadership skills can make it up and has fully prepared myself for further study in geography.

I hope this letter has clearly expressed my motivation to your programme. Thank you for your deliberation, and I look forward to your positive reply!

Sincerely Yours,
XXX
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am highly interested in the Master of Science in Geography at ABC, starting in September 2016. With this letter I would like to outline my motivation for applying for this inter-university programme.

Currently, I am studying for my bachelor’s degree in Resources Environment & Urban and Rural Planning Management at the School of Geography and Planning, Sun Yat-sen University, China. A critical reason for me to study geography is undoubtedly my intense interest in the subject, which originally derived stems from my personal travel experience around China. I have explored almost half of my country, where a diversity of landscape, people, and cultures leapt to my eyes and aroused my a strong desire in me to further discover the differences in the various regions and the connections between them.

With my strong interest in geography, I devoted myself to my bachelor’s studies in earnest and got a GPA of 3.8/5.0 for the previous three academic years, ranking top in our major. Because I have been a student of science since my secondary education, I've been was particularly interested in mathematics among out of all courses. Preparing for the coming new course material, and discussing assignments with classmates and professors over assignments had been were parts of my daily routine which eventually paid off as I got an excellent 4.7/5.0 GPA for in my mathematics courses. on average. Apart from this, the subjects related to geographical technologies also captivated my attention. I took was so interested in those courses seriously and created that I devised my original evaluation systems for city interaction and demographic dividend influence with ArcGIS and SPSS. Based on my college academic performance, I believe I have acquired a sufficient scientific background for further study.

Complementing my sound academic knowledge are my leadership and cooperation teamwork skills obtained from a diversity of curriculum assignments and projects throughout my college years. For instance, presently I am involved in an Innovation Project of SYSU. As the group leader, I had to carefully consider how to delegate project tasks distributed appropriately assignments to different to my team members group members and read through a great deal of relevant literature in order to ensure a successful start to the project. beginning. After gaining enough background information of on Guangzhou’s villages, we investigated a list of initial options in person and finally selected a novel and feasible project topic study object which is the electronic commerce village. Without a doubt, being engaged in these tasks has broadened my horizons, but more importantly, it also enhanced my leadership and teamwork abilities as I learned how to guide and collaborate with my group members.

Looking ahead, there is a are limitless prospects for geography in the future. In recent times, what impressed me greatly was the idea of “Infrastructure Smartisation” proposed by Doctor Shinji Yamamura from Japan. By using technologies including GIS and RS to substantially improve urban infrastructure efficiency, he made a big major step forward towards realizing the once distant concept ion of the digital city. The enormous capabilities of geography has have again strengthened my career aspiration, which is being to be a pioneer who combines an entire urban area with geographical technologies to create a genuine digital city. With geographical such technologies highly deeply embedded in various aspects of our the city, the quality of life can be can considerably improved. promoted again.

To achieve my career ambition, I need to acquire the advanced knowledge in geography knowledge, and simultaneously master the relevant cutting-edge technologies. I heard about your master’s programme in geography from one of its alumni who strongly recommended encouraged me to apply for the programme. After reading through the information on your website, I find your programme perfectly suits my academic needs and career goals, demand of the advanced study on geography. not only because you it has offer multiple excellent courses comprising theories covering theory and the application of geographical technologies, but also because provide of the field trips and internship which combines practice with teaching. represent a great chance to gain valuable practical experience. Although my geographical techniques are still at a primary level, I am sure that my tremendous enthusiasm, comprehensive scientific knowledge, and leadership skills can make it up and has fully prepared myself for further study in geography.

I hope this letter has clearly expressed my motivation to for your programme, and I trust that you'll find me a suitable candidate for it. Thank you for your consideration, deliberation, and I look forward to your positive reply.

Yours faithfully,

ABCD
Sincerely Yours,
XXX
Check the text highlighted in blue is correct; I was only guessing there! Emotion: smile
Thank you for your proofreading, teechr!:)
I revise my letter as you advised. The letter now seems more reasonable, fluent, and readable than it was.
But I think it is still kinda plain and lacks creativity. If possible, could you please propose some advice for me to further improve the letter?
Thank you very much!
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am highly interested in the Master of Science in Geography at ABC, starting in September 2016. With this letter I would like to outline my motivation for applying for this inter-university programme.

Currently, I am studying for my bachelor’s degree in Resources Environment & Urban and Rural Planning Management at the School of Geography and Planning, Sun Yat-sen University, China. A critical reason for me to study geography is undoubtedly my intense interest in the subject, which originates from my personal travel experience around China. I have explored almost half of my country, where a diversity of landscape, people, and cultures leapt to my eyes and aroused a strong desire in me to further discover the differences in the various regions and the connections between them.

With my strong interest in geography, I devoted myself to my bachelor’s studies in earnest and got a GPA of 3.8/5.0 for the previous three academic years, ranking top in our major. Because I have been a student of science since my secondary education, I have been particularly interested in mathematics out of all courses. Preparing for new course material, and discussing assignments with classmates and professors were parts of my daily routine which eventually paid off as I got an excellent 4.7/5.0 GPA in my mathematics courses. Apart from this, the subjects related to geographical technologies also captivated my attention. I was so immersed in those courses that I devised my original evaluation systems for city interaction and demographic dividend influence with ArcGIS and SPSS.

Complementing my sound academic knowledge are my leadership and teamwork skills obtained from a diversity of curriculum assignments and projects throughout my college years. For instance, presently I am involved in an Innovation Project of SYSU. As the team leader, I had to carefully how to delegate project tasks appropriately to my team members and read through a great deal of relevant literature in order to ensure a successful start to the project. After gaining enough background information on Guangzhou’s villages, we investigated a list of initial options in person and finally selected a novel and feasible project topic which is electronic commerce village. Without doubt, being engaged in these tasks has broadened my horizons, but more importantly, it has also enhanced my leadership and teamwork abilities as I learned how to guide and collaborate with my group members.

Looking ahead, there are limitless prospects for geography in the future. In recent times, what impressed me greatly was the idea of “Infrastructure Smartisation” proposed by Doctor Shinji Yamamura from Japan. By using technologies including GIS and RS to substantially improve urban infrastructure efficiency, he made a major step forward towards realising the once distant concept of the digital city. The enormous capabilities of geography have again strengthened my career aspiration, which is to be a pioneer who combines an entire urban area with geographical technologies to create a genuine digital city. With such technologies deeply embedded in various aspects of the city, the quality of life can be considerably improved.

To achieve my career ambition, I need to acquire advanced knowledge in geography, and simultaneously master the relevant cutting-edge technologies. I heard about your master’s programme in geography from one of its alumni who strongly encouraged me to apply for the programme. After reading through the information on your website, I find your programme perfectly suits my academic needs and career goals, not only it has excellent courses covering theories and the application of geographical technologies, but also because of the field trips and internship which represent a great chance to gain valuable practical experience. I am sure your prestigious programme would enable me to be a qualified geographer and realise my career aspiration.

I hope this letter has clearly expressed my motivation for your programme, and I trust that you will find me a suitable candidate for it. Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to your positive reply.

Yours faithfully,

XXX
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