Hello everybody,

I have to write a letter of complaint to the management of a circus, highlighting the points I were not happy about.

Here it's my first draft.

Any advice on it is welcome:)

Thanks beforehand.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing with regard to my recent visit to the “XXXXXXXX” on Sunday 12th November. I am afraid to inform you that I was not all satisfied with the service I received during my stay.

To begin with, the location of the circus seemed to me extremely inappropriate, as it is well known that the area where the circus settled down is a muddy field and we obviously had our shoes ruined by the mud reaching the marquee from the parking. What is more, when we finally managed to enter the circus we discovered that our seats were just behind a large pillar, which obstructed the view of the spectacle.

In addition to this, the spectacle was supposed to begin at 7.00 pm., as advertised on the leaflet, however it only began at 7.30 pm and finished just an hour later. Such a delay seems to me disrespectful of the audience rolled up to enjoy the spectacle, mainly because it was almost composed of children who quivered to see the show.

Furthermore, the service inside the circus was totally inefficient because the few waiters serving were not able to fulfil the orders of all those gone to the bar during the interval, so that it was impossible to get a drink during the break.

Finally, the most serious of my complaint is that during the show one of the lions got outside the ring, frightening the audience. This lack of security seems to me inexcusable.

I believe your spectacle should be reorganised afresh as it lacks of the most elementary safety standards and apart from this I believe you should reserve your audience a better treatment.

I hope you will take adequate measures to ease the plight of your show.

Yours faithfully

XXXXXX
Hi Toshio,

Are you taking the CAE? Emotion: smile
I remember this essay (Gold Adv, chapter 1), 'cause I had to write it two years ago ...
I was taught that a letter of complaint should contain some kind of compensation/refund you are asking for. For instance, do you want your money back? Do you want free tickets for their next show?

Good luck with your exam Emotion: wink
TanitAre you taking the CAE? Emotion: smile
I think he is taking FCE.

Was the book blue, Tanit? I think I used to have the same one! Emotion: smile

Toshio, I can't help you much but it's not a very good thing to repeat words, I have seen two or three "because", you can try using other more formal linkers like "due to/owing to" "due to the fact that/owing to the fact that".

My teacher told me to end most of the letters of complaint with a "I look forward to hearing from you in due course".

Anyway, you'd better wait for a native Emotion: smile
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Hi,

yes I'm going to take the CAE.

Pucca I found in many books I'm studying on that there are many ways to start and to end a letter of complaint. I always change:)

Thank you very much for your suggestion.

I wish to have other advice.
Can anyone else help me?
The comment about asking for what you want is a good one.

I am writing with regard to my recent visit to the “***” on Sunday 12th November. I am sorry to inform you that I was not all satisfied with [the service I received during my stay -- I would say "with my experience."]

To begin with, the location of the circus seemed to me extremely inappropriate, as it is well known that the area where the circus settled down is a muddy field and we obviously [obviously?] had our shoes ruined by the mud reaching the marquee from the parking lot. [There should have been boards or some other way of protecting our shoes from the mud?] What is more, when we finally managed to enter the circus we discovered that our seats were just behind a large pillar, which obstructed the view of the spectacle. [Aside from the lions, this is really the worst thing. I would make this its own paragraph and suggest that seats with obstructed views not be sold.]

In addition to this, the spectacle [spectacle is an odd choice. Just say "the show."] was supposed to begin at 7.00 pm., as advertised on the leaflet. However, it only began at 7.30 pm and finished just an hour later. Such a delay seems to me disrespectful to of the audience rolled up to enjoy the spectacle, mainly because it was almost entirely composed of children who quivered to see the show.

Furthermore, the service inside the circus was totally inefficient because the few waiters [waiters come to your table - use "servers"] serving [use "waiting on customers"] were not able to fulfil the orders of all those who went gone to the bar [you get alcoholic drinks at a "bar" - say "went to get refreshments" - besides it was only an hour long - who cares?] during the interval, so that it was impossible to get a drink during the break.

Finally, the most serious of my complaints is that during the show, one of the lions got outside the ring, frightening the audience. This lack of security seems to me inexcusable. [Well, this one is creative!]

I believe your spectacle [same comment on "spectacle"] should be reorganised afresh as it lacks of the most elementary safety standards and apart from this I believe you should reserve treat your audience a better treatment.

I hope you will take adequate measures to ease the plight of improve your show.
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PuccaWas the book blue, Tanit? I think I used to have the same one! Emotion: smile

Hi Pucca,

No, the book was "Gold Advanced" (golden cover) + "Exam Maximiser" (green cover).
Thank you very much Grammar Geek for your advice!