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Once the army, had a thousand solders with a sword had been starting a battle against the bigger army had two thousand solders with the longer sword. The biggest army won that battle and drew solders back. They did not pay attention to outlived solders from minority. Even though there were a few solders outlived, they changed their brigandine and made a strong shield and gun against for the sword. Furthermore, they had grown. Finally, they were ready to start the battle. The army had two thousand solders invaded to the minority. The well armed new minority did not go down to the majority, even so, shooted the gun. Whole two thousand solders fought with them unfortunately they could not transpierce their brigandine. The majority just understood that they could not make triumph by the long sword and need to change their tactic and to arm by new weapon.
I tried to explain that the battle between medicine and microbes inside our organization. In the first battle the majority drew solders back is meaning we did not completely take medicine and half way finished the treatment. The next battle the majority could not won by sword is meaning we are using incorrect medicine and treatment method. Although the minority had new weapon is meaning the living organism mutated for immunostimulating against the first used medcine. Pursuant to mutation they changed so also the counter reaction need be changed.
In the world, many diseases have still no treatment because of microbes' mutation. Example: HIV/AIDS and TB.
HIV infected people, who are living in the high income countries, able to live up to 30 years but in Affric and Asian countries this situation is different and difficult. Furthermore, there is no completely cure for HIV/AIDS. There are, however, drugs that significantly reduce the mortality of the disease and can greatly prolong and increase quality of life for an infected person. These drugs, though, are very expensive and are not readily available in all parts of the world. It means microbes are becoming increasingly difficult because of infected people, who are living in poor country, could not complete their treatment from lack of finance.
Hence major infectious diseases such as HIV, tuberculosis are spreading through the countries which are poor and public health department is fairly developed. Finally these diseases as a result of mutation are the biggest problem in the world.
Mongolia remains a low prevalence country, with an HIV infection rate of less than 0.1 percent among adults, inferred by WHO (2008). However, the cases of reported HIV cases have increased sharply in the last years. For example, 23 new cases of HIV/AIDS were diagnosed in 2010, And within the last three years, the number of reported HIV cases has risen to 89 and it is estimated that another 1000 infections go undiagnosed and unreported. At the same time the infectious diseases increased by 6.6 percent or 2.7 thousand persons compared to 2009 and 43.2 percent in total number of infection diseases were STIs.
Reported HIV cases are concentrated among men who have sex with men, and sex workers, with 81 percent of registered male cases among men who have sex with men and 55 percent of registered female cases are among sex workers. Surprisengly, in our country the sex work is still illegal issue. Most HIV cases (80 percent) have been reported in Ulaanbaatar, the capital city.
Although the Mongolian government considers the STIs prevention and treatment as the priority, the proposal of interventions for the HIV/AIDS and STIs as a group is neither strategically nor practically beneficial. The inexistence of preventive complex strategy and program towards behavior change against HIV/AIDS serves as one of the reasons of today's high risk maintenance. In Mongolia many descriptive or case studies on STIs and HIV/AIDS has been conducted during the last decades. However, the studies were mainly concentrated on measuring young people's knowledge and practice, and did not include ritual information and data. Example: As result of the reproductive health studies in 2008 by cooperating with local and international organization: studies result was 93 percentage of women who are aware about basic transmission modes of STIs and 96% are HIV/AIDS. In addition, they said main prevention method is having one sexual partner who does not infect with HIV/AIDS and using condoms. 12 % of total women, who are involved their survey, have correct understanding about transition modes of HIV/AIDS such as a health looking guy can be infected with HIV and mosquito bite and sharing cups and plates with HIV infected person.
Many programs and projects are implemented to address the HIV/AIDS and STIs problems, although effective results are still not achieved. Since the STIs, HIV/AIDS are main concerns of the country there is a need to initiate effective interventions to solve the problem.
Knowledge is importing thing but the most important issue is how to convert from the know-ledge to habits of usage.
Academically it is very important to me that learn in Belgium. For me this course will give me the challenge to think about how to improve the health in certain society.
Most students, who are learning the public health, are main goal is:
- To determine risk factors by conducting case control studies among target groups
- To deliver our voice about prostitutes and their working, and living environments to the stakeholders (especially in legalizing the solicitation of soliciting clients) and organize and expand local training based on real evidence and best methods in collaboration with government and private sectors.
- Not only requesting aid from government and implementing the short term project supported by donor organizations notwithstanding making a contribution to build the equipotential local NGO, which able to functionate in any sector of Public health.
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Hi Erka;

Welcome to the Forums!

Your English needs quite a bit of work, and your essay is very long. It would take a teachers a lot of time to suggest changes. So many will not even start.

Please make shorter posts. That way you will get attention.
I will make some suggestions on the first part.

Regards,
A-Emotion: stars
Once, an the army, (no comma) had a thousand solders with a sword (the whole army had only one sword?) had been (your sentence has two verbs. This is not correct) starting a battle against the bigger army had (this verb is not correct either) two thousand solders with the longer sword (the whole army had only one sword, longer than the one sword that belonged to the first army?) .

The biggest army won that battle and drew solders back. They did not pay attention to outlived solders from minority.
You do not write good sentences. Please write short sentences. I think this is what you are trying to say.
There was an army of one thousand soldiers who were armed with short swords.
This army started a battle with another army of two thousand soldiers who were armed with long swords.
The larger of the two armies won the battle and withdrew, paying no attention to the soldiers from the other side who had survived.

Even though there were a few solders outlived, they changed their brigandine(? this is not a word that readers would understand) and made a strong shield and gun (one shield and one gun for the army?) against for the sword. Furthermore, they had grown. (They got taller?) Finally, they were ready to start the battle. The army had two thousand solders invaded to the minority (minority is not the right word. - The larger army attacked the smaller one.) . The well armed new minority did not go down to the majority, even so, shooted (wrong past tense - shot) the gun.

I think this is what you are trying to say.
The few surviving soldiers of the defeated army regrouped and rearmed themselves with better weaponry - armor, shields, and guns. They also bred and multiplied, so their numbers increased. Then they were ready to battle the first army, which had not advanced their weaponry. The smaller, well-armed, army attacked the larger, using their guns. Even though their numbers were greater, the swords of the first army could not pierce the opposing side's armor. They realized they could not triumph over their enemy unless they had stronger, more advanced weapons.
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thank u so much