1st Essay,

Some people think adulthood is determined by age by age, physical maturity or emotional qualities. The values that make a person an adult are wisdom, attitude, and responsibility. Being mature person does not just happened over night.

Wisdom is the first quality that a mature person has. It is the knowledge that we encompass from past experience and how we learn from those experiences. Both bad and good. We learn from everyday life. We learned from past mistake so we will not make them again. An adult person also does not use his wisdom to just have it for himself. They help other in needs and care.

The second quality of an adult person is the attitude. Attitude is very important in adult life. A mature person has to know how to act in some of the situation. If the person does not understand something, an adult person should help and explain what to do, not ignore that person without answering to him. They must stay calm when they get nervous and just want to shout.

Responsibility is the third most important characteristic in adult life. As an adult person we need to remember that when we say something we are going to do, we will and not just forgot or ignore it. In addition they need to know how to spend their money. If they do not, they will get in the debt or even in the trouble in sometime and loose everything.

It is not easy to be an adult person. There are many things that a mature person must have. Wisdom, attitude, responsibility are just one of the quality that a mature person should have.

2nd Essay,

It takes a lot of work and time for students to earn a good grades. To earn good grades, students must come to school everyday, do their homework, pay attention and behave in class.

First of all students must have good attendants. They can not miss any day of school. If they miss some days they have to catch up. When they miss one day or more teachers will give them lots of homework and than they will not be able to finish it up. Their grades will then go down. If they will come to school everyday they would know what teacher was talking about in class and probably the homework will be easier for them to do.

Homework is a second thing that students must do to earn a good grades. They have to turn their homework on time and of course competed it. In every class homework is a big part of the grade.

Students must behave in class and at the same time pay a good attention when teacher is explaining something. When students are quiet, teacher can explain better and students can hear it. Students can not just sit quiet and sleep or think of something that is not about the lesson. By paying attention in class students will have less problem with doing the homework.

It is not easy to earn a good grades in school. It takes lots of time and work. Students must come to school everyday, do homework and behave good in their classes. By doing all of this things students should have no problems to get a good grades.
Hi,

Did you ever get your job as a food server? Please Proofread my business letter please...

MountainHiker
Pawcio,

We don't provide proofreading services here. Please .

MountainHiker



Some people think adulthood is determined by age by age, physical maturity or emotional qualities. The values that make a person an adult are wisdom, attitude, and responsibility. Being mature person does not just happened over night. [You don't bridge between the first and second sentences. What's the purpose of the first sentence?]

Wisdom is the first quality that a mature person has. It is the knowledge that we encompass from past experience and how we learn from those experiences. Both bad and good. We learn from everyday life. We learned from past mistake so we will not make them again. An adult person also does not use his wisdom to just have it for himself. They help other in needs and care. [This paragraph is very weak.]

The most important quality for a mature person is wisdom. Wisdom is knowlege that we have learned from past experiences and wisdom is the ability to use that knowledge to make better decisions in the future. Over the course of a lifetime, each of us will have many different experiences, some joyous and some not so joyous, and from those experiences we will gain invaluable experience that we can and should pass on to others. [something like that??]

The second quality of an adult person is the attitude. Attitude is very important in adult life. [two sentences say the same thing?] A mature person has to know how to act in some of the situation.[prior sentence needs work] If the person does not understand something, an adult person should help and explain what to do, not ignore that person without answering to him.[you are making a moral judgement] They must stay calm when they get nervous and just want to shout. [They must stay calm when they get nervous. But if they are nervous, how can they be calm? I think you mean they must be calm when presented with challenging or threatening situations?]

Responsibility is the third most important characteristic in adult life. As an adult person we [we does not agree in number with "adult person"] need to remember that when we say something we are going to do, we will and not just forgot or ignore it.[how does this differ from your attitude paragraph above?] In addition they need to know how to spend their money.[spending is the easy part, investing and saving are the more difficult?] If they do not, they will get in the debt or even in the trouble in sometime and loose everything.

It is not easy to be an adult person.[when you reach 18 or 21, you're an adult whether you like it or not. Maturity is a different question] There are many things that a mature person must have. Wisdom, attitude, responsibility are just some of the qualities that a mature person should [or must?] have.



General comments:

Review my comments for your first essay. Rewrite your essay so that you eliminate or reduce the content and gramatical errors. Then repost your essay.

Also, try to take what you have learned from this excercise and apply it to your second essay. Your second essay is better in that the content is better aligned. However, your essay is still weak. It doesn't say very much and what it does say is very obvious.

Good student.

Come to school, don't skip classes, be quiet, don't disrupt the class, do your homework on time, and study hard for your tests.

The end.

Doesn't tell me much, does it?

I would think something more is expected of you.

MountainHiker
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Hi MountainHiker,
.....................................................................................................
" Hi,

Did you ever get your job as a food server? Please view post 50454.

MountainHiker "
....................................................................................................

That was just my english assignmentEmotion: smile but thank you for asking.

....................................................................................................

Thank You for helping me with the essayEmotion: smile ... I will try to work on my 2nd essay moreEmotion: smile
Did you ever get your job as a food server? Please view post 50454.


I just learned a lesson here today. Normally, I will provide much more help to a person seeking a job. Earning an income and having a chance at a greater opportunity is important. Thus, I am willing to provide "extra" help. But if it is homework, I like to see the student do the heavy lifting.

I appreciate the thank you. When I don't receive a thank you, I am less inclined to assist the next time that person asks a question. You're welcome.

MountainHiker