Format: Haiku

The ice was frosty
That my hand almost got bit'n.
Ouch! I bit my hand.

1 2

I hear line 2 as 8 syllables, not 7.

And I don't understand what you are describing. Who is attempting to bite in line 2?

Clive

isn't bit'n a one syllable word?

"bitten" has two syllables so I cheated by adding an apostrophe so it would sounded like "bitten" without "t" and became a one syllable word. xD

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Edited.

The ice was frosty
That it almost bit my hand.
Ouch! It bit my hand.

The ice was frosty
That it almost bit my hand.
Ouch! It bit my hand.

OK as a first try.

but my concern with this is that it does not seem very profound and it does not arouse any immediate emotion in me.

Here you go.

The shivery ice.

The intense rime it had.

Could bit me to dead.

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The last line is incorrect grammar

Could bit me to dead. Could bite me to death.

I think you need to change the subject and keep on experimenting with the form.

Clive

The last line is incorrect grammar

Why? isn't bit the past form of bite?

Could bit me. . .

You need the base/infinitive form of the verb here. ie Could bite me . . .


Consider a simpler example. You say 'Mary could cook dinner', not 'Mary could cooked dinner'.

Clive

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