1 2
MountainHiker,

Thanks for all your help.. This is getting as complicated as a tax form..

thanls again..
Alright, I worked on the essay for quite a while, my first attempt was the following:

------------------------------------------
I want to be an exponential function!
The best competition is to compete with yourself such that you are better today than you were yesterday, and not as good as what you’re going to be tomorrow. This can be resembled by the exponential function; f(x) = ***. As a matter of fact, I want to be an exponential function! The idea behind this function is that as x increases, f(x) significantly increases and therefore the curve goes notably to the top. In real life, however, I try to improve myself on daily basis as much as I can. My quest and determination to study was advanced further more with this resemblance.

Hence, I always tried to develop myself as much as I can. I am not trying to appraise myself here, but merely illustrate what I’m aiming for and what achievements have I accomplished yet. For instance, I was fascinated by this quote: “Once you find a job you love, you’ll never work again.” That is figuratively speaking, of course. I always wanted to be a web developer. I am seeking the development of dynamic interfaces. That is to say, dynamic websites in which the user interact with the web server directly to get the output. I extensively analyzed, interpreted and programmed web applications, without ever feeling like working. It was more like an interest. I consider the most important language I’ve ever learned is PHP (Hypertext processor), along with the preferred accompanied DB system, mySQL, which both are used during the process of designing web-driven server applications. I used, mainly, the method of Object Oriented Programming which merely means that you treat portion of your programs as self-contained units called objects. That is, I used to program using the best practices possible.

The reader would directly assume that I am anticipating a computer science degree. Quite to the contrary, I want to be an electrical engineer! I always liked the applications of electrical engineering. Control and Automation is the most important part I’m fascinated by. Other topics such as Data Communication and Antenna Propagation, Electromagnetism, and Microwave engineering interest me as well. A direct yet quiet funny quote about engineers that demonstrate their importance in industry and towards society is: “The machine unmakes the man. Now that the machine is so perfect, the engineer is nobody.”

When speaking of these aspirations, no sort of what have been said above could have happened without the support and assist given by others. I would like to show my gratitude towards God, my parents, my sisters and brother, and everyone who have contributed to myself and helped me overwhelm all the difficulties I have encountered in my life. Also, I owe it to the school for making me the most courageous and highly determined person. No doubt, the local community have readily prepared me to life and made me a communicative sort of person. Also, clubs which made me practice swimming, table-tennis, and basketball to a higher extent have willingly raised my triumph.
----------------------------------------------------------
Further edit concluded to the following:
---------------------------------------------------------
I want to be an exponential function!

The best competition is with your own self such that today you are better than yesterday, and tomorrow you are better than today. That very competition resembles exponential function—f(x) = x. A slight change in x means a greater change in f(x) and my quest and determination to study advances further with resemblance to this relation

One quote never gets old: “Once you find a job you love, you’ll never work again,” (and that is figuratively speaking, of course!) I always try to define or pinpoint my interests and develop them as much further as I can. For example, web development has always been a field of interest to me. At one point I was seeking development of dynamic interfaces, where a direct client-server connection is present. I put [hours, days, months…] into extensively analyzing, interpreting and programming web applications, and yet, never did it feel like “work”. A mere interest in web development triggered what is, more or less, an expertise in server-side programming and database administration and different programming techniques (procedural, object-oriented, etc…) This, I believe, is exactly what the mentioned quote talks about—find an interest and building up on it.

While my talk of web development hints towards an anticipation of a computer science degree, I want, quite to the contrary, to be an Electrical Engineer. Applications of Electrical Engineering never cease to fascinate me, specifically Logic Control and Automation. Data Communication and Antenna Propagation, Electromagnetism, and Microwave are other fields of interests. A direct yet quiet funny quote about engineers demonstrates their importance in the industry and in society is: “The machine unmakes the man. Now that the machine is so perfect, the engineer is nobody.”

People around me, surely enough, are what inspire and support such aspirations that I speak of. I would like to show my gratitude towards God, my parents, my sisters and brother, and everyone who have contributed to the shaping of myself and helped me overwhelm all the difficulties I have encountered in my life. Also, I owe it to school for making me the most courageous and determined out of me. No doubt, the local community have readily prepared me to life and made me a communicative sort of person. Also, clubs which made me practice swimming, table-tennis, and basketball to a higher extent have willingly raised my triumph.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

thanks in advance for anyones help..Emotion: smile

EDIT: the limit is 500 words, and please do point out if I'm out of topic.. thanks!
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
h88,

Nope, doesn't do it for me either.

500 words is one page.

You need to tell them up front what you eventually want to study.

Then you need to tell them some things about yourself. Did you do well in math and science? Do you participate in extracurricular activities? Did you do well in school overall?

Then you need to tell them why you want to study electrical engineering. And at their university.

Then you need to summarize everything.

DO NOT
* get cute with "I want to be a firetruck when I grow up"

* use weird quotes that most people can't relate to

* use conversational tone..."I want, quite to the contrary, to be blah blah"

Instead, have a laser like focus on trying to accomplish the steps above. Imagine yourself as a professional person write an application. Do not think of yourself as a kid wanting an education. Think of yourself as a business person. Your tone should be very direct, no-nonsense, focused, to-the-point, and you should provide specifics where ever possible.

That's it, good luck.

MountainHiker
I would really appreciate it if you could read my personal statement and comment on what you think of it. Its the same prompt as the other essays above.

“Al mal tiempo buena cara” meaning be positive even in bad situations, is what my mother always tells me when I feel I am not capable of conquering my goals. I have always repeated this saying in my head in tough situations when I feel there is no remedy and, without fail, it helps me calm down and keep an open mind. Coming from an old fashioned Mexican family, I was raised in a conservative environment where discipline was the number one rule and thus pushed me to become not only a successful student but also a mature and responsible young woman. The successes that I’ve had have been because of the influence I received from my family and traditions and, therefore, given me a concrete idea of who I am; a well prepared and determined student who is ready to pursue the career of Business Administration.

Since my first success, at the age of five selling lemonade, I knew I wanted to do that for the rest of my life. From there on, I demonstrated an interest for business and entrepreneurship which I received encouragement mostly from my mother. I started with the basics of selling cupcakes, lemonade and candy usually to buy some new toy I wanted that my mother did not want to buy me. Little did I know that what I was doing to only get a toy, would teach me the basic steps and lessons of managing a business. My neighborhood, which was fairly small and stuck to Mexican traditions, supported me every time I was having a sale. The experience I accumulated over the years not only gave me the basic knowledge of running a business but it also helped me develop excellent skills.

Managing people with a kind and friendly manner was easy for me and I soon realized that that is a key f actor in any business. Communication is important in every field regardless of what it is, my mother taught me at a young age to greet people nicely and with respect because that was the right thing to do, and that is how she was raised as well. Regardless of the people skills I developed over the years, I also became aware of the multiple skills I have and know that if not in business administration I could be successful in any other career path I want because I am certain that I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to. Therefore, with my experience and diligence I know I am prepared for college and the challenges it may bring with it.

College is my next step in life, I know what I want to do and I am determined to reach my goals and achieve them. College will give me a new sense of autonomy and independence that will make me grow and mature as a person. My aspirations in life are far more than just attending a college, which is just another step towards my success and achievements but they are being happy and contend with a career I love and enjoy doing. My family has been with me every step of the way and they are the ones who have encouraged and motivated me to become the person I am today.