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Below is a sentence included in a personal statement I am writing or grad school. I can't figure out how to structure the bolded area. Do I place a comma there (I'm worried that this sentence has too many commas already), should I use the semicolon (something tells me that's not correct), or should I break this sentence into two sentences? Help!

Thanks!

Despite many personal adversities, I have continued to persevere; proving to myself and those around me that I am determined to not only be successful, but that I am also determined to leave this world a better place.
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No semi-colon! A semi-colon acts as a period, separating what could be written as two separate, complete sentences.

Use a comma.

Too many words in what follows, however. It can be condensed:

..., proving to myself and those around me that I am determined not only to be successful but also to leave this world.....

I "cleaned up" the parallel structure for you. I also "unsplit" your infinitive.
Comments  
Thanks! That looks much better!