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A team of constestants has been assigned to guide a group of tourists around the city and entertain them on a bus. Steve is the leader and he is in charge of providing the tourists information as the bus passes various landmarks in the city. After a while, the team realize Steve is not doing a good job and another team member takes over his job and saves the day.

I find the passage above unnatural but can't tell why. Some parts of it sound unnecessary or lack of information. For example "entertain them on a bus" sounds redundant because usually the word guide when used in tour contexts, implies providing information and most of the time some entertainment like jokes and etc. The only extra information is bus. Also, "in charge of providing information" sounds wordy and unelegant. I know there's no right or wrong when it comes to style. It's something learners and even native speakers learn over time. But I hope some comments will speed up the learning process. I would love to get some comments and suggestions.

Thanks in advance.

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Hi,


A team of constestants has been assigned to guide a group of tourists around the city and entertain them on a bus. Steve is the leader and he is in charge of providing the tourists information as the bus passes various landmarks in the city. After a while, the team realize Steve is not doing a good job and another team member takes over his job and saves the day.

I find the passage above unnatural but can't tell why. Some parts of it sound unnecessary or lack of information. For example "entertain them on a bus" sounds redundant because usually the word guide when used in tour contexts, implies providing information and most of the time some entertainment like jokes and etc. Yes, it sounds like he is going to sing/dance/do something very special.

The only extra information is bus. Also, "in charge of providing information" sounds wordy and unelegant. Yes. Perhaps Emotion: stick out tongueroviding a commentary".

I know there's no right or wrong when it comes to style. It's something learners and even native speakers learn over time. But I hope some comments will speed up the learning process. I would love to get some comments and suggestions.

'Guide . . . around ' does not sound like a bus tour to me, it sounds more active, like perhaps a walking tour. Perhaps reword to just use the slightly more passive-sounding noun 'guide'?

'Contestants' seems an odd word to choose. Is this some sort of contest?

I'd say 'on the bus' if the whole tour is on a bus.

Avoid repetition of words and ideas. eg

Steve is the leader and he is in charge of providing the tourists information as the bus passes various landmarks in the city. After a while, the team realize Steve is not doing a good job so and another team member takes over his job and saves the day.

The word 'so' makes the meaning 'tighter, sharper'.

Best wishes, Clive
Comments  
Thanks, Clive. Yes, two teams are competing and the host will eliminate one of the members of the losing team like The Apprentice.