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Hi.
Native speakers of English, please compare these two paragraghs and answer these two questions:
1- Is there anything wrong with either of them?
2- Which one do you think is better?
thank you in advance.

This book consists of passages in three main sections. In the first section, a summarized translation of Dr. Seyyed Hossein Nasr’s English book entitled “Molana Jalaleddin Rumi, the preeminent Iranian poet and mystic” comes first. The second passage of the first section is a translation of an article by Ms. Annemarie Schimmel entitled “Molana: Yesterday, today and tomorrow.” In this article, Professor Schimmel touches on some specimens of Molana’s teachings and mysticism. The third passage of the first section is an unabridged translation of a book by Dr. William Chittick entitled “An introduction to Molavi’s mysticism” and features a foreword by Dr. Nasr. This book, after the author’s preface, sets out to present a general portrayal of Molana’s mystical teachings and spiritual mindset in four chapters: (1- Sufism and Islam, 2- God and the world, 3- the essence of man, 4- Sufism and practical mysticism). The second section of the book, which forms its core, is entitled “Molana’s spiritual treasury” and it is a selection mainly from masnavi by Juliet Mabey. The third section is the full English text of the book “Molana Jalaleddin Rumi, the preeminent Iranian poet and mystic” by Dr. Seyyed Hossein Nasr.

Comments  
Hi, Anon. Try comparing, checking and working yourself. It's no use doing it ourselves but for you it would be useful, we will help check it out.Emotion: smile
Best wishes.
FandorinTry comparing, checking and working yourself.
I'm sorry. don't get me wrong. I'm not asking you to do my homework. I'm not a native speaker. one of these paragraphs has been written by me, and the other by somebody else. I want to know which one sounds better to native speakers.
Best wishes.
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Hi,

Both are hard to read and grasp, because of the multiple sections/texts/books. I'd prefer to lay things out more clearly.

Even simply breaking either version up into multiple paragraphs without rewriting makes it a bit more readable. eg

This book consists of passages in three main sections.

In the first section, a summarized translation of Dr. Seyyed Hossein Nasr’s English book entitled “Molana Jalaleddin Rumi, the preeminent Iranian poet and mystic” comes first. The second passage of the first section is a translation of an article by Ms. Annemarie Schimmel entitled “Molana: Yesterday, today and tomorrow.” In this article, Professor Schimmel touches on some specimens of Molana’s teachings and mysticism. The third passage of the first section is an unabridged translation of a book by Dr. William Chittick entitled “An introduction to Molavi’s mysticism” and features a foreword by Dr. Nasr. This book, after the author’s preface, sets out to present a general portrayal of Molana’s mystical teachings and spiritual mindset in four chapters: (1- Sufism and Islam, 2- God and the world, 3- the essence of man, 4- Sufism and practical mysticism).

The second section of the book, which forms its core, is entitled “Molana’s spiritual treasury” and it is a selection mainly from masnavi by Juliet Mabey.

The third section is the full English text of the book “Molana Jalaleddin Rumi, the preeminent Iranian poet and mystic” by Dr. Seyyed Hossein Nasr.

Best wishes, Clive
Hi.

Both the paras are very complicated and hence understanding is difficult. I guess it would be ideal to break down the entire paragraph for understanding. 

This book consists of passages in three main sections. 

Section I:

Passage 1: In the first section, a summarized translation of Dr. Seyyed Hossein Nasr’s English book entitled “Molana Jalaleddin Rumi, the preeminent Iranian poet and mystic” comes first. 

Passage 2: This passage of the first section is a translation of an article by Ms. Annemarie Schimmel entitled “Molana: Yesterday, today and tomorrow.” In this article, Professor Schimmel touches on some specimens of Molana’s teachings and mysticism. 

Passage 3: Is an unabridged translation of a book by Dr. William Chittick entitled “An introduction to Molavi’s mysticism” and features a foreword by Dr. Nasr. This book, after the author’s preface, sets out to present a general portrayal of Molana’s mystical teachings and spiritual mindset in four chapters: (1- Sufism and Islam, 2- God and the world, 3- the essence of man, 4- Sufism and practical mysticism). 

Section II :

The second section of the book, which forms its core, is entitled “Molana’s spiritual treasury” and is a selection mainly from masnavi by Juliet Mabey. 

Section III :

The third section is the full English text of the book “Molana Jalaleddin Rumi, the preeminent Iranian poet and mystic” by Dr. Seyyed Hossein Nasr.
Thanks a million, Clive and jeenajay126. But can you say which one is better in terms of grammar and word choice?
For example focus on these parts:

an article from Ms Annemarie Schimmel vs. an article by Ms. Annemarie Schimmel

contains complete translation of vs. is an unabridged translation of

These chapters seek to give a general visage of Moulana’s mysticism and spiritual thinking vs. sets out to present a general portrayal of Molana’s mystical teachings and spiritual mindset
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Hi,
But can you say which one is better in terms of grammar and word choice?
For example focus on these parts:
OK, let's just focus on these phrases.

an article from Ms Annemarie Schimmel vs. an article by Ms. Annemarie Schimmel The latter is better.

contains a complete translation of vs. is an unabridged translation of Not much difference. Note that 'incomplete' and 'abridged' are not exactly the same thing.

These chapters seek to give a general visage of Moulana’s mysticism and spiritual thinking vs. sets out to present a general portrayal of Molana’s mystical teachings and spiritual mindset Say the latter. 'Visage' is an inappropriate word here.

Clive