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Her eyes were hollow and empty

Just like her mind,

Which laid broken and shattered in a dark abyss,

Like an old and wounded demon.


Are comparison with "like" allowed with a metaphor allowed? I am using a metaphor for "mind", and then comparing it to something else. It sounds weird.

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oceanblueskyJust like her mind,
Which lay broken and shattered in a dark abyss,
Like an old and wounded demon.
oceanblueskyAre comparison with "like" allowed with a metaphor allowed? I am using a metaphor for "mind", and then comparing it to something else. It sounds weird.

I don't really follow this. Are you concerned about the nested used of "like", i.e. essentially saying "X was like Y which was like Z"?

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Yes, because Y is a metaphor, I am not sure it makes sense to compare it with "LIKE"

oceanbluesky

Yes, because Y is a metaphor, I am not sure it makes sense to compare it with "LIKE"

Which part of the original text are you calling Y?

Which lay broken and shattered in a dark abyss,

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anonymous

Which lay broken and shattered in a dark abyss,

OK, this wasn't what I meant when I said "X was like Y which was like Z". I meant:

X = eyes
Y = mind (which lay broken and shattered in a dark abyss)
Z = an old and wounded demon

I would say that this nested "like" structure is acceptable but in a perfect world perhaps not absolutely ideal.

I see no problem with "Her eyes were hollow and empty / Just like her mind / Which lay broken and shattered in a dark abyss".

thanks, i wasn't sure it was ok, it sounded kinda wrong.