Please help to review my letter as below. Thanks.
***

Dear manager,

Complain about “MAVIS”Electric Violin
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Please help to pass this letter to the right person in your company, if you are response for complain.

I brought your violin (product no.: 3765874726) via the web www.ebay.com.cn on Dec 1, 2004 ( ). In conclusion, we paid the money immediately to you but finally we just got a damaged violin.

Following is the story, please be patient to listen it.

We receive your first violin on Dec 7, 2004. Unfortunately, the electric part was not work. I can’t hear any the sound from the headphone. Then, my colleague, Ms Deng Chun, contact your staff, Ms ChenJingNa, by phone and your staff said it should not be wrong and inform us that we need to buy a special headphone for this. I trusted your staff and brought a headphone with amplier in Hong Kong. However, it didn’t work too. Finally, it was confirmed by your staff that it could work in common headphone (no special headphone needed). Your staff agreed the violin had a problem. It was so confused. It wasted my time and money to buy an amplier headphone.

Then, your staff informed us to send back the violin. But we needed to arrange the courier by ourselves. She promised to return us the courier fees (She promised put the money into the box of violin when the new violin send back to us later). Finally, your staff rejected to pay the full courier fees and claimed that our courier fees ($72) was higher than you company’s standard charge ($40). But we think your company should provide additional compensation to us for bad product such as providing gift or discount instead of blaming the courier higher charges. She confused me again. We didn’t want to argue anymore. We just wanted a violin sent back. We accepted your company’s standard. Suddenly, your staff informed us that the courier money can not be put into the box and asked us a bank account to pay us via bank. Confuse again! Everything was changed again and again. It seems your company were the first time to trade.

The violin still can't send to us on time because out of stock. We had to wait until year 2005.
We received the violin on Jan 7, 2004 (over 5 weeks from our payment) but it was much worsted than last time. It was damaged very seriously. The violin was broken into two pieces.

So disappointed! We call your staff again but without help and just said it was not her business. (She arranged everything and finally, we just received a broken violin. It was not her business?) She claimed that it was the wrong of the courier company but not her. She told us to call the courier for claim. We followed her instruction to call the courier. Courier company said the outlook was not damaged and the problem was because the good was not packed well. It was not their problem. I agree with the courier company because there, truly, was not damaged on the packing surface and there was not protection packing material inside (Last time, there was some Foam inside to protect it. I don’t know why this time was missing).
In the other point of view, I don’t care whether the fault was on the courier company or not. Your company ordered the courier and you should claim the courier by yourself if you think it was the problem of them. The result is I paid money to you 5 weeks ago but I only got a broken violin. There is no denying that your company is responsible for it!

To maintenance the reputation of your company, I hope you can send us a new violin within 14 days. If so, I promise to write a good comment on ebay.com. Otherwise, I have to report it to ebay.com and inform the true story to all my web friends around the world such as at “Violin club forum” (http://www.violinbbs.com/bbs/index.asp), http://violin.hotproduct-cn.alibaba.com , http://www.theheartstring.org/violin_purchase.htm, www.review33.com and www.hkgolden.com. Moreover, I will consider to report it to newspaper or other broadcast.
I know that it may make your company loss in this transaction. But a good company must concern the customer’s point of view. To lose just hundred dollars to maintenance your goodwill is worth. For the broken violin, if you want, you can send your courier to pick it up.

Thank you for your consideration! We are looking forward to your good news.

Your regards,
Mr. Yim (ebay user#123456)
Subject: “MAVIS”Electric Violin

Dear manager:

The purpose of this letter is to request that your company properly ship a new violin (product no.: 3765874726) to replace the broken violin that I received. I expect this new violin to arrive within fourteen (14) days.

Background

1) Purchase

I brought your violin (product no.: 3765874726) via the web www.ebay.com.cn on Dec 1, 2004 (http://cgi.ebay.com.cn/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=3765874726 ).
Following is the story, please be patient to listen it.

2) Received First Violin with Defective Electronics

We receive your first violin on Dec 7, 2004. Unfortunately, the electronics did not work.

I was unable to hear any the sound from the headphones. Then, my colleague, Ms Deng Chun, contacted your staff, Ms ChenJingNa, by phone and your staff informed us that we needed to buy a special headphone. I trusted your staff and brought a headphone with amplifier in Hong Kong.

However, that solution failed to work too. Finally, it was confirmed by your staff that it could work in common headphone (no special headphone needed). Your staff agreed the violin had a problem. The special headphones were an unneeded expense.

3) Returned First Violin

Then, your staff informed us to send back the violin. But we needed to arrange the courier by ourselves. She promised to reimburse us for the courier fees (she promised put the money into the box of violin when the new violin was sent back). Finally, your staff rejected to pay the full courier fees and claimed that our courier fees ($72) was higher than you company’s standard charge ($40). But we think your company should provide additional compensation to us for bad product such as providing gift or discount instead of blaming the courier higher charges.

We didn’t want to argue anymore. We just wanted a violin sent back. We accepted your company’s standard. Suddenly, your staff informed us that the courier money can not be put into the box and asked us a bank account to pay us via bank. Again, things have changed. Everything was changed again and again. It almost seems as though your company were conducting its first international shipment.

4) Received Second Violin

We were informed that your company was unable to ship a new violin because it was out of stock. We had to wait until early January 2005.

We received the violin on Jan 7, 2005 (over 5 weeks from our payment). But it was much worse than before. The violin was broken into two pieces.

We called your staff again but without help and she just said it was not her business. She arranged everything and finally, we just received a broken violin. And now she claims that it is not her business? She claimed that it was the wrong of the courier company but not her. She told us to call the courier for claim. We followed her instruction to call the courier.

Courier company said the shipping package [Not sure what you mean here??] was not damaged and the problem was because the good was not packed well. It was not their problem. I agree with the courier company because the shipping package was not damaged. Last time, there was some foam inside to protect the violin. This time there was nothing.

Moreover, I don’t care whether the fault was on the courier company or not. Your company ordered the courier and you should claim the courier by yourself if you think it was the problem of them. The result is I paid money to you 5 weeks ago but I only got a broken violin. I expect your company to conduct its business in an honorable fashion. You have failed to deliver the violin as ordered.

Conclusion

I trust after reviewing this letter, you will replace the broken violin with a proper violin properly shipped. And I trust that I will receive the new violin within fourteen (14) days.

Should you have any questions, please contact me at 1213-1546-7896 or by e-mail at blahblahblah @ blah.com. I look forward to your resolving this unfortunate incident.

Your regards,
Mr. Yim (ebay user#123456)



If you haven’t already done so, contact your credit card company. Often they can intervene and force a resolution.

I would find out who the manager is. I would address the letter to him specifically and I would call him shortly after he receives the letter.

Good luck.

MountainHiker
MountainHiker,

Thank you very much for your correction and idea.

The meaning of the 2nd last sentence is that we can not see any damages from outside. But inside (violin) was broken. It means that the courier didn't break it (Otherwise, outside was damaged too). It indicated that it was the problem for lack of protection material inside. It proves the fault of the company not the courier.
I list the link for the photos below. Hope you can understand the situation.
http://hk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/yim000000/album?.dir=4477

I follow your suggestion to remove the statement of threats. However, I want to add a sentence that if I can receive the new violin, I would still give a good mark to the company at ebay user comment. What is your opinion? Can you help to add this sentence for me?

Thanks.
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
vim000,

Ok, I understand your box and shipping stuff.

I would not bother with the "good" or "bad" ebay statements. At this point, your main focus should be on getting a new violin. Anything just dilutes your message.

Once you have finished with either a good or bad experience, then you can write whatever you want. But for now, I think you should stick to your primary goal of getting your violin replaced.

Keep us posted.

MountainHiker
Thank you again MountainHiker.