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The world has stepped into the computer era. As a symbol of modern society, it has come into wide use and greatly promoted the development of our society.


The computer, as we all know, is a powerful instrument of calculation. With technological advancements today, computers take part in tackling every human problem, among others, mathematics one. Businesses, without the development of computers, might be filled with fallacious calculations due to the complexity that the finance department required. For example, statistics is a vital factor in running a campaign from a small business to a professional one, thus, companies should take advantage of computers by applying technology in manufacture in order to keep up with the competitive market world.


Furthermore, the computer as a perfect communication device has brought human beings much benefit. Firstly, thanks to technological developments, we now can video call each other despite thousands of miles apart. Secondly, besides call, we can easily, for example, send messages, post a picture, update status through a variety of platforms known as social media. It is undeniable fact that social network has seen a rapid increase in the number of users since it is user-friendly and allows us to keep track of the news, celebrities, friends, etc. The last benefit, which is practical and helpful in the time of covid-19 virus, is storing the data, information that everyone can have access to it no matter where you are. Computers have made a significant contribution to businesses allow employees to “work from home” effectively and efficiently.


However, it is quite true that the use of computers is not without its problems. People gradually have a tendency to depend excessively on computers in every aspect of life and it turns out to mix up everything. When doing research, we will, of course, find lots of information that is helpful but to guarantee that is a reliable source of information since fake news are all over the internet is another complicated issue. Besides, we may accidentally be distracted from focusing on the work, which leads to consequences, for instance, bad grades, missing the deadline. Therefore, notwithstanding the temptation computer brings, we should not place too much reliance on it.


But all in all, the advent of the computer brings numerous exciting prospects to our society. This precious gift will further benefit the world, and hopefully, it will help us to create a newer and nicer world.


Please give a band score for my essay. Thank you so much

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It seems as though you have copied or modeled your essay after someone else's text. It is not a very good topic. and the English is rather awkward and unnatural. Pick a different task topic to write about.

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babybearrThe world has stepped into the computer era.

???

babybearrgreatly promoted the development of our society.

What is development of society?

babybearrWith technological advancements today,

Be more specific

babybearr tackling every human problem, among others, mathematics one.

If a computer could convince everyone to get vaccinated, that would be wonderful... but there are many problems where computers are unhelpful.

babybearrBusinesses, without the development of computers, might be filled with fallacious calculations

That makes no sense. A store is filled with merchandise, not calculations.

babybearrdue to the complexity that the finance department required.

That makes no sense.

babybearrstatistics is a vital factor in running a campaign

How?

babybearr by applying technology in manufacture

Awkward

babybearrthe competitive market world
babybearrthe computer as a perfect communication device

The telephone is more applicable.

babybearrhuman beings

Unnatural. We only use "human beings" is the context of comparison with animals or artificial life forms.

babybearrwe now can video call each other despite being/living thousands of miles apart.

Ungrammatical.

babybearrbesides call, we can easily, for example, send messages, post a picture, update status through a variety of platforms known as social media.

You are missing a conjunction. "Update status" is unnatural.

babybearrfriends, etc. T

Do not use "etc." in formal writing.

babybearris storing the data, information that everyone can have access to

Ungrammatical. Missing two conjunctions.


There are many other problems.

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Comments  
AlpheccaStarsawkward and unnatural

can you please point out which place sounds awkward and unnatural so I can fix it in my next writing task. Thank you.

 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.
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