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Hello Everyone,

I am new to this forum and wish to have the following sentence critiqued for proper structure and grammatical syntax. Please note that the sentence is apart of a resume summary.

(A)

Over eight years of experience with a fortune 500 Brokerage Firm primarily in a support role as a Senior Support Representative advancing to a Business Systems Analyst and finally promoted to a Communications Analyst.

(B)

Over eight years of experience as a Communications Analyst, Business Systems Analyst, and Senior Support Representative with a Fortune 500 brokerage firm.

Sentence B flows much better, however it does not reflect the heavily weighted experience held by the Senior Support Representative title (noted in sentence A). The weighted factor is important.

Please Advise!

I thank you all in advance for your constructive input.
Comments 
A is fine, but it has other problems:

Over eight years of experience with a Fortune 500 brokerage firm, primarily as Senior Support Representative, advancing to Business Systems Analyst and subsequently to Communications Analyst.

(You needn't state outright the 'supporting role'-- save that admission for your interview. The indefinite article is sloppy when used before a specific job title.)
Thanks for your input!

I still have a dilemma. Look at the following article which comes from Purdue University's on line writing lab.

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/esl/eslart.html

Note also that in English, the indefinite articles are used to indicate membership in a profession, nation, or religion.

  • I am a teacher.
  • Brian is an Irishman.
  • Seiko is a practicing Buddhist.


  • Over eight years of experience with a Fortune 500 brokerage firm, primarily as a Senior Support Representative, advancing to a Business Systems Analyst and subsequently to a Communications Analyst.

    Does it make a difference whether the indefinite article is used to indicate membership in a profession as well as with specific professional titles?

    Please advise!

Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
The capitalized job titles preclude the article. 'Teacher' is not a job title. Compare Vice-Principal Smith with (X) Teacher Smith. Please write it the way I suggested.
Mr Micawber is (of course) correct on the grammatical front – but there is another reason why you might want to avoid using “a” in front of job titles in this context: “advancing to a Business Systems Analyst” implies that you were one of many, and a small cog in the machine; “advancing to Business Systems Analyst” implies a slightly greater degree of seniority.

Only a suggestion – Nona is the copywriting expert, and may have some better ideas on how to present your information truthfully but to its greatest impact.

Lil’ Ruby Rose
Lil' Ruby Rose,

Thank you for your objective yet compassionate response to my dilemma .

I feel comfortable putting this issue to rest.

Regards,

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"
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Mister Micawber,

You made your point!

With the combined efforts of you and Lil' Ruby Rose, I can now put this dilemma to rest.

Thanks,

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"