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I have corrected sentences, but I'm not sure if it is correct, can somebody help me and check it out ?:

( I can shorten them, use different words or combine 2 sentences into 1 )

1.Those big pointed things in Egypt were all built by slaves.

- All pyramids in Egypt were built by slaves.

2. There are several girls that I date.

-I date several girls.

3. One factor we should consider is how important a thing good water is to public health.

- The water is very important factor to public health.

4. The terrain can be seen by obtaining a topographical map of the area one intends to cover. The area to be covered having been studied, the task is now what to carry within the pack.

- A topographical map will show the terrain one intends to cover and help decide what to carry in your pack.

5. The kind of rat that is brown in colour is as supple in its ability to change its shape as a piece of rubber is.

- A brown rat is as supple as a piece of rubber in its ability to hange shape.

6. Since Shanna wished to converse while she was in Sweden, she decided to study in.

- Shanna studied Swedish to converse while in Sweden.

7. A sentence ought not to have any words that are not entirely necessary, and for that matter, there should be no unnecessary sentences contained within a paragraph. This is true for the very same reason that a drawing, if it is to be a good drawing, should have no lines that are not completely necessary.

- Just as a good drawing should contain only necessary lines, paragraphs should contain only necessary sentences and sentences should contain only necessary words.

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Hi,

I have corrected sentences, but I'm not sure if it is correct, can somebody help me and check it out ?:

( I can shorten them, use different words or combine 2 sentences into 1 )

Please explain more clearly what you want to do with these sentences. For example, 'I can shorten them' does not mean 'I must shorten them'.

Do you want to make them all shorter? Do you want to use different words? Do you want to combine them into one sentence?

Clive
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4. A topographical map will show the terrain and help you decide what to carry.

5. A brown rat is as supple as rubber in its ability to change shape.-- I've done this one before. Do not double-post, bogucha.

6. Shanna studied Swedish to converse there.

7. Just as a good drawing should contain no unnecessary lines, a good sentence should contain no unnecessary words and a good paragraph no unnecessary sentences.
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I have to rewrite the sentences omitting all unnecessary words( like repetitions), which means that in some cases I will have to combine 2 in 1.
I have to rewrite the sentences omitting all unnecessary words( like repetitions), which means that in some cases I will have to combine 2 in 1.
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Hi,

I have to rewrite the sentences omitting all unnecessary words( like repetitions), which means that in some cases I will have to combine 2 in 1.

OK. Let's begin by looking at the first few.

1.Those big pointed things in Egypt were all built by slaves.

- All pyramids in Egypt were built by slaves. OK.

2. There are several girls that I date.

-I date several girls. OK, but the original is not wrong. It just offers a slightly different emphasis.

3. One factor we should consider is how important a thing good water is to public health.

- The water is a very important factor for public health.

By simplifying, you have changed the meaning in some ways. Here are a couple of ways your version differs from the original.

The original speaks of 'good' water.

The original does not say water is important. It says we should consider how important it is, ie the degree of importance.

The original uses 'importance' in connection with 'water'. It does not say the factor is important.

Clive
 Mister Micawber's reply was promoted to an answer.