Hello,

I've released my second short movie today and I want to make an english transcript for it ; however I'm pretty sure my transcript has mistakes (I'm french) and I would appreciate if you could indicates me theses errors or find more elegant ways to say it.

Here's the full transcript:

1
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,800
Twenty years from now,

2
00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:16,200
ten men slept with the same woman
betting on the future child's paternity.

3
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:21,000
The one which would be reconized by the child as his father
would receive the jewels from the bet.

4
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,500
They had laid a fresh dead
near the woman during the childbirth.

5
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:27,500
It happened in a sordid carpark.

6
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:31,000
One of the ten men, a Serbe soldier, knew from experience

7
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:36,500
that placing a death near a woman giving birth
would confer extrasensory capacities to the child.

8
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:39,000
Theses men pursued me during several weeks.

9
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:43,000
They want to use me to recover the money from the bet,
kept by an Italian.

10
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,000
They're coming for me.

11
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,000
Stand up.

12
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,200
Where is the Italian ?

12
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:46,000
Freely adapted from Agathe Martin's testimonial

Feel free to ask any question about it if it can help

Thanks in advance

Robin Lobel
Just quickly;
I do not understand number 4.
Points 1 - 7 are in the third person 8 - are in the first ? So it is unclear, who is I, me,?
8. These men pursued me over several weeks.
Thanks for answering;

Points 1-10 are said by the same girl, talking about her situation
-Points 1-7 are impersonal, we're not explicitely supposed to establish a link between what is said and the girl herself
-Points 8-10 link what has been said before with the girl we see on screen (the child she talked about is actually her)

-Point 4: the ten men had placed the (recently) dead body of a man near the woman while she was giving birth to her baby.

Point 11 is an order from a man to the girl
Point 12 is said by the same man later in the movie
Point 13 belongs to end credits

Robin Lobel
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
I'm now close to the final release; feel free to signal any mistake or inapropriate form.

Here's the current transcript:

1
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,800
Twenty years from now,

2
00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:16,200
ten men slept with the same woman
betting on the future child's paternity.

3
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:21,000
The one recognized by the child as his father
would receive the jewels from the bet.

4
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,500
They had laid a fresh dead near the woman during the birth.

5
00:00:24,500 --> 00:00:27,500
It happened in a sordid carpark.

6
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:31,000
One of the ten men, a Serbe soldier, knew from experience

7
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:36,500
that placing a death near a woman giving birth
would confer extrasensory capacities to the child.

8
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:39,000
These men pursued me over several weeks.

9
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:43,000
They want to use me to recover the money from the bet,
kept by an Italian.

10
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,000
They're coming for me.

11
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,000
Stand up.

12
00:02:18,800 --> 00:02:20,200
Where is the Italian ?

12
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:46,000
Freely adapted from Agathe Martin's testimonial

Thanks

Robin Lobel
now 20:24
twenty tree years
i do a lot of works