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PLEASE HELP!

Have to write a Letter of Motivation for studying abroad. Are there any people keen to read through and correct it? Any Grammar mistakes? Any sentences that don't make sense or don't sound good??

Here it is:

Dear Sir or Madam

With this letter, I would like to express my interest in studying at of XY, Faculty of Medicine, Department of Public Health in Hungary in summer semester of 2012 as an Erasmus student.

I am currently attending the first semester of the Bachelor’s Degree programme in Public Health at the University of XYZ, Germany. By 2012 I will have passed half of my degree and thus have acquired a solid foundation of previous knowledge and be prepared for studying abroad.

I decided to apply for , because of its excellent reputation and because I would like to get to know another country and its health care system. After my social gap year in South Africa I recognized especially health-related disparities between Germany and less developed . I am curious about how the health care system works in a further European country. Moreover I hope I will be able to choose modules and subjects that perfectly complement and deepen main focuses of my German studies.

Beside the Hungarian health care system I hope to get to know Hungarian culture, to get access to the people, their language and their way of life. I am very willing to learn some Hungarian both in advance and locally, because I think learning a country’s language is essential in order to gain an understanding of their culture.

It is also important for me to interact with students from various professional and cultural backgrounds, not only from but from all over the world.

By means of having lived in for a year, I am already experienced in working together and spending my time with people from other cultures and I think that therefore I am prepared for problems that may occur.

Furthermore living in an English speaking country improved my language skills which, I think will certainly be sufficient to cope with studying in English. Nonetheless I still want to further upgrade my English skills not least because a confident handling of foreign languages is necessary in today’s professional world.

In summary getting approved for the Erasmus programme in XY would strongly enrich and broaden my knowledge, both in an academic perspective and in my life experience.

I am very grateful for considering my application and I look forward to a favourable reply.

Yours Faithfully

Comments  
Anonymousgrateful for considering
Should be "grateful to you for considering . . ."
Anonymousin an academic perspective and in my life experience.
Should be "from an academic perspective and for my life experience."
Anonymouscope with studying
Should be "prepare me for studying" or "facilitate my studying."
Anonymousimproved my language skills
Should be "has improved my language skills, which . . .." The comma goes after "skills" and not after "which."
Anonymoustogether
Omit "together" ("experienced in working and spending my time with . . ..")
Anonymoustheir culture.
Should be "the" not "their"
Anonymousto get access to
Omit. People, language, and way of life are all parts of culture. Instead of redundancy, why not add "and perhaps form friendships or contribute something to the lives of some of the people I meet" ?
Anonymousdeepen main focuses
deepen the focus? What does this mean?
Anonymousperfectly
Omit "perfectly"
Anonymousin a further
Should be "in another"
Anonymousespecially
AnonymousAfter my social gap year
Anonymoushave acquired a solid foundation of previous knowledge
You have omitted several commas after introductory elements and at least one before a coordinating conjunction connecting a second sentence to the first. Perhaps someone else can help there, or perhaps I will have time later. Good luck. I am an American.
deepen the focus? What does this mean?

meaning to further enhance the focuses of my studies
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
and THANKS A LOT so far Emotion: smile Emotion: smile
Anonymous Anonymous grateful for considering Should be "grateful to you for considering . . ."Anonymous in an academic perspective and in my life experience. Should be "from an academic perspective and for my life experience."Anonymous cope with studying Should be "prepare me for studying" or "facilitate my studying."Anonymous improved my language skills Should be "has improved my language skills, which . . .." The comma goes after "skills" and not after "which."Anonymous together Omit "together" ("experienced in working and spending my time with . . ..")Anonymous their culture. Should be "the" not "their"Anonymous to get access to Omit. People, language, and way of life are all parts of culture. Instead of redundancy, why not add "and perhaps form friendships or contribute something to the lives of some of the people I meet" ?Anonymous deepen main focuses deepen the focus? What does this mean?Anonymous perfectly Omit "perfectly"Anonymous in a further Should be "in another"Anonymous my social gap anonymous acquired a solid foundation of previous knowledge You have omitted several commas after introductory elements and at least one before a coordinating conjunction connecting a second sentence to the first. Perhaps someone else can help there, or perhaps I will have time later. Good luck. I am an American.