Hi, could you please check the structure and grammar of my motivation letter for PhD scholarship, and advice me if something is wrong?
Thanks in advance.

Dear Sirs,

With this letter, I would kindly like to introduce my candidacy for the XYZ Scholarship for PhD studies for foreign students. This scholarship will help me to further develop my knowledge, improve my skills and to continue with my bioengineering research activities as well as design of novel products for helping elderly and physically impaired people. This research is my passion and my life's work, because I am confident that it is noble.

I have got a degree of Bachelor and Master of Science in 2001 and 2002 respectively from the Faculty XY at University XY in XY. I was awarded with best student award from this University. During my studies and high school I have participated on many international competitions in problems solving from mathematics, physics and informatics and I have won over 30 awards and medals, as well as prestigious international award for young researchers XYZ.

My studies were focused mainly on the basic and advanced knowledge of applied informatics and robotics, especially on the bioengineering. I am particularly interested in research related to creating and control of assisting (orthosis, prosthetic) devices for people with disabilities (multiple and lateral sclerosis, spinal cord injuries, etc.). Therefore, I have endeavored to upgrade my education in the field of biomechanics by approaching some novel methods and protocols for creating Brain Computer Interface (BCI) and devices control with EEG signals, when taking part in several international projects. During this time, I have got some encouraged achievements: publish and co-publish 6 scientific papers and acquire advanced and practical knowledge.

As a part of the exchange program during my last project XXX I have spent 10 months of research at Department XYZ at University XYZ. I was fascinated by your country, its culture and way of life. I was very satisfied with the research possibilities, pleasant working atmosphere and people’s kindness as well as with the result that we accomplished on this project.

Encouraged from this I have decided to enter in the PhD research program at this University. I successfully passed the PhD Entrance exam with top grades.

I am aware that my knowledge is still limited in many areas. Thus, I hope that through these PhD studies I will have the opportunity, to put my knowledge into a higher standard. My plan is to continue already started activities and experimental work, which will finally, result with solving of some well-known bioengineering problems and innovations that will lead toward social integration of elderly and disabled people.

In addition to my academic activities, I have also experienced a task of a general manager in a high-tech IT Company. It helped me to develop a strong analytical mind and interpersonal skills. Moreover, I learned the value of teamwork and became more solution-oriented, adapting to a constantly changing work environment and maintaining good working relationships with individuals of different cultural backgrounds. My knowledge of several languages is also my strong characteristic.

In regard to my extracurricular activities, I like photography and traveling.

I understand that admission to the XYZ Scholarship is competitive, but I am also confident that I am qualified and eager, and prepared to meet all of its challenges. I would be most grateful if you could give my application your most favorable consideration.

Yours truly,
Hi Kappa,

I have tidied up the grammar in a few places. My suggestions are in bold. Your English appears to be very good!

- Nick

Dear Sirs,

I would kindly like to introduce my candidacy for the XYZ Scholarship for PhD studies for foreign students. This scholarship will help me to further develop my knowledge, improve my skills and to continue with my bioengineering research activities. It would also assist in the design of novel products for helping elderly and physically impaired people. This research is my passion and my life's work, because I am confident that it is a noble cause.

I took degrees of Bachelor and Master of Science in 2001 and 2002 respectively from the Faculty XY at University XY in XY. I also achieved the best student award from this University. During my studies and in high school I participated in many international competitions in problem solving, from mathematics, physics and informatics, and I have won over 30 awards and medals, as well as the prestigious international award for young researchers XYZ.

My studies were focused mainly on the basic and advanced knowledge of applied informatics and robotics, especially in bioengineering. I am particularly interested in research related to the creation and control of assisting (orthosis, prosthetic) devices for people with disabilities. (multiple and lateral sclerosis, spinal cord injuries, etc.). I have therefore endeavored to upgrade my education in the field of biomechanics. When taking part in several international projects I have approached some novel methods and protocols for creating Brain Computer Interface (BCI) devices controlled by EEG signals, During this time, I have published or co-published six scientific papers and acquired advanced and practical knowledge.

As a part of the exchange program during my last project *** I spent 10 months of research at Department XYZ at University XYZ. I was fascinated by your country and its culture and way of life. I was very attracted to the research possibilities, pleasant working atmosphere and people’s kindness, as well as with the result that we accomplished on this project.

Encouraged by this I decided to enter the PhD research program at this University. I successfully passed the PhD Entrance exam with top grades. [ when?]

I am aware that my knowledge is still limited in many areas. I hope that through these PhD studies I will have the opportunity to increase my knowledge to a higher standard. My plan is to continue with current activities and experimental work, which will hopefully result in the solving of some well-known bioengineering problems, as well as introducing innovations that will lead toward the social integration of elderly and disabled people.

In addition to my academic activities, I have experienced as a general manager in a high-tech IT Company. This helped me to develop a strong analytical mind and interpersonal skills. Moreover, I learned the value of teamwork and became more solution-oriented, adapting to a constantly changing work environment while maintaining good working relationships with individuals of different cultural backgrounds. My knowledge of several languages is also my strong characteristic.

In regard to my extracurricular activities, I enjoy photography and travelling.

I understand that admission to the XYZ Scholarship is competitive, but I am confident that I am qualified, and eager and prepared to meet all of its challenges. I would be most grateful if you could give my application your most favorable consideration.

Yours truly,
I'm intrigued that you accept "informatics", Nick. Have the Brits seen the light at last?

Viktor
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I had to look it up, of course!

Naturally, I will never believe that US speakers have moved with the times until they stop using the word "gotten"!Emotion: wink
Dear Nick thank you very much for your suggestions. You helped me a lot because English is not my native language. I was wondering about the other comment: should I use “computer science” instead of “informatics”?

Any other comments about the structure and the content of the letter?
Hi,

You could use "information science" or "computer science", especially if you send the letter to a UK Institution, as the term "infomatics" is not as current in the UK as it appears to be in the US.

The letter has a good content and structure. I would not change it much more. I have spotted something that I failed to correct following my alterations: In the third from last papragraph, the first sentence should be:

In addition to my academic activities, I have experience as a general manager in an IT Company.

Also, you could change the last sentence of the paragraph to : My knowledge of several languages was a great help in this.

Best of luck, - Nick
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Thank you, Nick. You helped me a lot.