Hello, could you please check my writing, please?

I will appreciate any kind of comment and suggestion.

Thank you,

Chiara

Dear Mr. Smith, (am I supposed to write a name here or not?)

I’m the Secretary of Student Committee,

I would like to thank you for the invitation to the opening of the new Longridge Arts Centre.

I was positively surprised by the useful services the centre will provide to all of our students.

The theatre is very nice and it will be a pleasure for the students to make their annual productions in it.

The is also very beautiful and I’d like to congratulate you on the choice of the opening exhibition which I found very interesting. I also liked the Arts Library very much. I couldn’t expect a more consistent choice of classical and contemporary art books. Students will also enjoy the Cafè’s food which is absolutely delicious.

Unfortunately, a part all that, there are some things which really disappointed me and that are very important for all students.

Firstly, the cinema programs don’t fit in at all with our annual cinema course. We would have expected unusual and international movies, and not the latest movies we can see in any cinema of the town.

Secondly, the 60% of the students asked for a studio recording, but you didn't even mention it on your handout. I also shall remember you that we were supposed to use the rehearsal rooms for free, but I know that we will have to pay for it and not all students will be able to afford it.

Finally, only 5 percent of discount will be provided on all tickets, while we were promised 10 percent .

I find all that very unfair for all students who, as you certainly remember, gave a big economical support for the building of the Arts Centre. Therefore, I hope you will agree with me, that a meeting between us is necessary to discuss the issues above and find the best solution of them.

Yours sincerely,

XY (do I have to write a name?)

ChiaraHello, could you please check my writing, please?

I will appreciate any kind of comment and suggestion.

Thank you,

Chiar[

Dear Mr. Smith, (am I supposed to write a name here or not?) That depends on the situation. If you have a name, use it.

I’m the Secretary of Student Committee, and I would like to thank you for the invitation to the opening of the new Longridge Arts Centre. I [The Committee] was positively surprised impressed by the useful services the centre will provide to all of our students.

The theatre is very nice and it will be a pleasure for the students to make present their annual productions in it.

The is also very beautiful and I’d [it would] like to congratulate you on the choice of the opening exhibition, which persnally I found very interesting. [It] also liked the Arts Library very much. I[We]couldn’t expect a more consistent choice of classical and contemporary art books. The students will also enjoy the cafè’s food, which is absolutely delicious.



Unfortunately, a part all that, there are some things which really disappointed me and that are very important for all students. There were a couple of things that you could consider changing. Firstly, the cinema programmes don’t fit in at all with our annual cinema course. We would have expected unusual and international movies, and not the latest movies we can see in any cinema of the town.

Secondly, the 60% of the students asked for a studio recording recording studio, but you didn't even mention it on your handout. We also shall remember would like to remind you that we were supposed to be able to use the rehearsal rooms for no charge. for free, but I know that we will have to pay for it and not all students will be able to afford it.Finally, only 5 per cent of discount will be provided is being given on all tickets, while we were promised 10 per cent .

I find all that very unfair for all students who, as you certainly remember, gave a big economical support for the building of the Arts Centre. Therefore, I hope you will agree with me, that a meeting between us is necessary to discuss the issues above and find the best solution of them. The Student Committee is concerned about these items, and believe that it will be valuable for both parties to arrange a meeting to discuss the issues and find the best solution for them.

Yours sincerely,

XY (do I have to write a name?) Yes

One important point. You are Secretary of the Student Committee. It is much better in a letter of this kind to use the Committee's opinion. That will carry more weight than your (apparently) personal opinion.
Hello Feebs, thank you very much for your help, again. I would like to ask you few questions, if you don't mind..

First of all: I wasn't sure the Secretary was and adult or a student. So I couldn't decide whether to use "we" meaning (us, the students) or "they".

Dear Mr. Smith, (am I supposed to write a name here or not?) That depends on the situation. If you have a name, use it.

There wasn't any name mentioned in the task. What do you think was I supposed to do in this case?.

...rehearsal rooms for no charge ... is "for free" always a mistake in English?

I can see I didn' understand at all how much formal this letter should have been!!!

Chiara
Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
AnonymousHello Feebs, thank you very much for your help, again. I would like to ask you few questions, if you don't mind..

First of all: I wasn't sure the Secretary was and adult or a student. So I couldn't decide whether to use "we" meaning (us, the students) or "they".
Whether an student or not is irrelevant. As a matter of course, if you [as Secretary of an organization] are writing a letter, then the organization is what should be referred to.

Dear Mr. Smith, (am I supposed to write a name here or not?) That depends on the situation. If you have a name, use it.

There wasn't any name mentioned in the task. What do you think was I supposed to do in this case?. What you did - put in a name.

...rehearsal rooms for no charge ... is "for free" always a mistake in English? YES YES YES

I can see I didn' understand at all how much formal this letter should have been!!! That's the learning process [Emotion: big smile]

Chiara
Thank you very much for your help.

Chiara