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Could you please help me make these sentences grammatical please?

1 Put your computer in your bag's pocket facing the inside and not facing the outside where someone could bump into it. (the bag has pockets on either side, a bag with a shoulder band)
2 Which protrudes more from those 2 teeth? This one or that one?
3 Look how apart his tooth front teeth are.
4 He makes a living off/on/from what he loves to do most.
5 Make sure you're making enough money to pay off any expenditure.
6 That's the only name they could have given the street, the only one that made sense. They named the street after him.
7 He thinks his car is worth more than it actually is.
8 As long as the lights are off, I'm lucky.
9 Now I know why he asked to change shedules. With the new schedule, he only needs to ask for one day off to have a whole week off. As he only works on wednesdays every other week. He asks for that off and he' got one whole week off.
10 I hate when people say they are going to do something they end up not doing.
11 Even if/though I don't remember why, I still feel empty.
12 If the cap isn't firmly put on, if you carry in by the spout it might give way. (bottle)
13 The way you played, you were bound to lose your money.
14 What color shoes do you have on?

Thank you
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Here are my suggestions.

1 Put your computer in your bag's pocket facing the inside and not facing the outside where someone could bump into it. (the bag has pockets on either side, a bag with a shoulder band)
Put your computer in the pocket of the bag that faces the inside and not the outside where someone could bump into it.

2 Which protrudes more from those 2 teeth? This one or that one?
Which of these two teeth protrudes more? This one or that one?

3 Look how apart his tooth front teeth are.
Look how far apart his two front teeth are.

4 He makes a living off/on/from what he loves to do most.
He makes a living doing what he loves to do most.

5 Make sure you're making enough money to pay off any expenditure.
(Maybe. But expenditure is an actual payment, not a debt. So I would use something like "obligation" or "debt" rather than "expenditure.")

6 That's the only name they could have given the street, the only one that made sense. They named the street after him. (Grammatically correct, but I would put the last sentence first.)

7 He thinks his car is worth more than it actually is.(okay)

8 As long as the lights are off, I'm lucky. (okay)

9 Now I know why he asked to change shedules. With the new schedule, he only needs to ask for one day off to have a whole week off. As he only works on wednesdays every other week. He asks for that off and he' got one whole week off.
Now I know why he asked to change schedules. With the new schedule, he only works on Wednesdays every other week. So he only needs to ask for one day off to have the whole week free.

10 I hate when people say they are going to do something they end up not doing.
I hate it when people say they are going to do something but don't.

11 Even if/though I don't remember why, I still feel empty.
Even though (contrasting two events vs. a what if and an actual event).

12 If the cap isn't firmly put on, if you carry in by the spout it might give way. (bottle)
If the cap isn't firmly put on and you carry it by the spout, it might give way.

13 The way you played, you were bound to lose your money. (okay)

14 What color shoes do you have on?
What color of shoes do you have on? or: What color are the shoes you have on?
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Thank you

I had one question

14 What about this : What color eyes does she have?/What color hair does she have? Is that something people would say?

THank you

Ps: I've attempted to corrected these sentences, could you tell me what you think please if you have time?

http://www.EnglishForward.com/English/CouldTellCorrections/pdzgk/post.htm

Thank you so much Doctor D

Good day to you
Yes, people do say "What color hair does she have?" but the "of" is understood. They really mean to say "What color of hair does she have?" Perhaps you should use a briefer wording: "What color is her hair?"
Thank you Doctor D,

Could I be a nuisance and ask you tell help me with 3 threads that I need for my book as I'm translating my book from french to english and am struggling?

Thank you
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