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Could you please help me correct these sentences grammatically?

1 We got into the slowest line at the supermarket. Where is there an open register? (at a super market) (how would naturally say this?)

2 The bill was twice as much/big as we thought it would be.
The bill was twice the amount we thought it would be.

3 He wanted to come over when I was going to work.
He would want to come over when I went/was going to work. (everyday)

4 I've never let so many buses pass by. (waiting at the bus stop for your friend and you see buses go by)

5 You were fine listening to your own music but the second I put my music on, your head started to hurt. (you just hate the music so much that you lie about having a headache.)

6 The driving in this game isn't realistic. Funny enough, if you hit a car while accelerating, instead of decelerating, you have a better chance of your car not top siding. (flipping over due to the crash)

7 You know she's ready to go to sleep when she goes to brush her teeth.

8 I didn't want to come if you didn't have the shoes in stock which is why I called.

9 They have an easier time pulling off different clothing styles than us. Some styles look better on them than us.

10 Our address is listed to that school/church./What school/church is your address listed to? (depending on your address, you have to go to a certain public school/or church, how do you say that?

Thank you so much
Comments  
1 ok

2 even better: the bill was twice what we thought...

3 was going (in both cases, you can use 'always')

4 I've never (seen?)

5 ok

6 ok

7 ok ("go to bed" is better, perhaps)

8 comma before which

9 than we do /// than on us

10 Our address is at (I think this is what you want.)
Here's my take on these sentences.

1 We got into the slowest line at the supermarket. Where is there an open register? (at a super market) (how would naturally say this?)
We got into the slowest line at this supermarket. Is there another open register? Is there an open register elsewhere?

2 The bill was twice as much/big as we thought it would be. ("what" is also good)
The bill was twice the amount we thought it would be. (okay)

3 He wanted to come over when I was going to work.
He would want to come over when I went/was going to work. (everyday)
The time is the essential element. Do you mean before or when? Various ways to say it.

He liked to stop by while I was getting ready to leave for work.
He usually came by to chat just as I was leaving for work.
He always wanted to stop by just when I needed to go to work.

4 I've never let so many buses pass by. (waiting at the bus stop for your friend and you see buses go by) Okay, but maybe "pass me by."

5 You were fine listening to your own music but the second I put my music on, your head started to hurt. (you just hate the music so much that you lie about having a headache.)
You were fine while you were listening to your own music, but the second I put my music on, suddenly you had a headache.

6 The driving in this game isn't realistic. Funny enough, if you hit a car while accelerating, instead of decelerating, you have a better chance of your car not top siding. (flipping over due to the crash)
The driving in this game isn't realistic. Oddly enough, if you hit a car while acclerating, rather than decelerating, you have less chance of your car top siding.

7 You know she's ready to go to sleep when she goes (or: leaves) to brush her teeth. (Okay) (And, yes, "bed" is better.)

8 I didn't want to come if you didn't have the shoes in stock, which is why I called.

9 They have an easier time pulling off different clothing styles than us we do. Some styles look better on them than on us. (Fill in the implied words).

10 Our address is listed to that school/church./What school/church is your address listed to? (depending on your address, you have to go to a certain public school/or church, how do you say that?

Our address is located in that school/church district. What school district are you in?
Or: Our address puts us in that school district. (or, possibly, that church parish.)
Or: Our address assigns us to that school/church.
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Hello Doctor D and Philip,

I had a couple of questions reagarding these:

3 He wanted to come over when I was going to work.
He would want to come over when I went/was going to work. (everyday)
The time is the essential element. Do you mean before or when? Various ways to say it.

He liked to stop by while I was getting ready to leave for work.
He usually came by to chat just as I was leaving for work.
He always wanted to stop by just when I needed to go to work.

Can you say something like, I want the "would" to let people know its a regular thing right?

He would always come over when I was getting ready to go to work/while I would get ready to go to work.

You were fine listening to your own music but the second I put my music on, your head started to hurt. (you just hate the music so much that you lie about having a headache.)
You were fine while you were listening to your own music, but the second I put my music on,suddenly you had a headache.

What about

.... but just as I put my music on, you got a headache.

Thank you

Here is how I would say it then:

He would always come over while I was getting ready to go to work.
(But he has since stopped?)

Yes, you can say it your way (just add the comma before "but")
...but, just as I put my music on, you got a headache.

(However, I would still put in "suddenly" to emphasize that element of timing.)

Ok thank you but one thing

He would always come over when I was getting ready to go to work
He would always come over while I would get ready to go to work.
He would always come over while I got ready to go to work.
He would always come over when I would get ready to go to work.

Are these just not grammatical or are they possible?

Thank you
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I am still having problems with your treatment of time. You need to put both subjects in the same frame of events.

Either

He would always come over just when I was getting ready to go to work
Or

He would always come over while I was getting would get ready to go to work.
Both of these corrected sentences work.

He would always come over while I got ready to go to work.
You are talking about a single brief event (his coming over) and a string of events (your getting ready). You need to link them.
For example:
He would always come over and chat while I got ready to go to work.
(His chatting spans the time of your getting ready.)

He would always come over when I would get ready to go to work.
If you want to use "would" here, you need to have similar actions.
He would always watch the tv while I would get ready to go to work.

I am not sure if I have explained this clearly.
Ok I understand now,

so this is ok too, both are correct?

He would come over and chat while I would get ready to go to work/while I got ready.

Whats the difference here though please?

Thank you
Both are correct, but have different meanings. Here is how I would explain the difference.

He would come over and chat while I got ready for work.
This is focused on" him." The "while I got ready" is only a time indicator (during the time that I did this). The important thing is his coming over.

He would come over and chat while I would get ready to go to work.
Here the two events are of equal inportance. He would come over. I would get ready. "While" is not a time indicator, it is a comparison (on the other hand, I)
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