The chart shows the average number of hours each day that Chinese, American, Turkish and Brazilian tourists spent doing leisure activities while on holiday in Greece in August 2019.
The given chart illustrates the average amount of time per day that four different groups of tourists spend on holiday leisure activities in Greece in August 2019.
Overall, it is clear that Chinese tourists spent the most time reading books, compared to other groups. In addition, visiting new destinations is not a favorite leisure activity among tourists.
It is clear that there was a significant rise in the number of hours that Chinese tourists spent reading books, which was registered at 8 hours/day. Meanwhile, Turkish and Brazilian tourists read books for half the amount of time that Chinese tourists did; 4 hours per day, to be exact. American tourists, on the other hand, witnessed a slight growth in the number of hours compared to them, which is recorded at 5 hours/day.
A considerable increase in the amount of time was recorded at 6 hours/day by Brazilian tourists, which was larger than the 3 remaining groups. Despite the fact that Chinese tourists spent a large number of hours reading, the number of hours spent at the beach hit a low-point of 3 hours.
As for going to new destinations, Americans and Turkisks had a similar interest, resulting in the same amount of time, registered at 3 hours. According to the Chinese, it was the least favorite activity when they only spent around 1 hour a day.
This is my first try at writing for the upcoming week's IELTS Writing Task. I'm open to any suggestions for how to make my writing better. Finally, I appreciate you taking the time to evaluate my task 1 writing. 🤗
BinhLeI'm open to any suggestions for how to make my writing better.
Please read my advice for Task 1 essays:
IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice
Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post
You wrote nearly 230 words. The minimum is 150. Aim to write 170-190 words. Cut out the verbosity (unnecessary words). Write three paragraphs, not four.
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The given (unnatural. Do not use "given, provided, or other such participles.) bar chart illustrates (Not a good verb. Read my advice.) the average amount of time per day that four different groups of tourists spend on holiday leisure activities in Greece in August 2019. (Your description is incomplete. You did not mention the types of activities - reading, sunbathing, and sightseeing.)
Overall, it is clear that (Do not use these verbose, meaningless clauses.) the Chinese tourists spent the most time reading books, (You did not mention reading books in the opening paragraph, so the reader is confused.) compared to other groups. In addition, all groups spent the least amount of time visiting new destinations. (Report the data. Do not interpret it as "favorite.") is not a favorite leisure activity among tourists.
It is clear that (delete) there was a significant rise in the number of hours (That is not a good description - "rise" means to change over time. There is only one time period here.) that Chinese tourists spent reading books, which was registered at 8 hours/day. Meanwhile, Turkish and Brazilian tourists read books for half the amount of time that Chinese tourists did; 4 hours per day, to be exact. American tourists, on the other hand, witnessed (wrong verb - we witness a crime. It means we observe it. ) a slight growth (That is not a good description - "growth" means to change over time. There is only one time period here.) in the number of hours compared to them, which is recorded at 5 hours/day.
A considerable increase (That is not a good description - "increase" means to change over time. There is only one time period here.) in the amount of time was recorded at 6 hours/day by Brazilian tourists, which was larger than the 3 (Do not use digits for small numbers that are not data values. Use words.) three other remaining groups. Despite the fact that Chinese tourists spent a large number of hours reading, the number of hours spent at the beach hit a low-point (That is not a good description - "hit a low point" means a change over time. There is only one time period here.) of 3 hours.
As for going to new destinations, Americans and Turkisks had a similar numbers interest, resulting in the same amount of time, registered at 3 hours. According to the Chinese, (How do you know that there was an interview of Chinese people?) it was the least favorite activity when they only spent around 1 hour a day.