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Hi Teacher,

The below letter needs to be forwarded to my interviewer but it seems there are some grammar mistakes and imporper sentence structure. Could someone please help me to correct those mistakes?

I would like to say these 2 sentences in my formal letter as well and how am I gonna include that "I love the office enviroment" and "the interviewer character" in a formal style?

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Dear Nancy,

Thank you for the opportunity to discuss the position of Multimedia Developer with you. Our meeting helped me to better understand your company’s goals and reaffirmed my belief that this is the organization I would like to work for. I think you may see that my experience and qualifications match the requirements you seek. I believe I will produce exactly what your organization and its clients require and beyond.

Since multimedia development is a personal interest in my life, I shall work with enthusiasm. Currently I am improving my Interpersonal and IT skills, as these are also important for my career.

Incidentally, I would like to say thank you for noticing me that I had been slightly defensive in certain time in the interview and I would like to apologize on this matter. I hope you will not view this as a minus point but instead giving me an opportunity as part of my interpersonal development skills toward my career success.


I appreciate the time you took to interview me. I hope to hear from you soon, and would be pleased to meet with you again for another interview.

Sincerely,
Vincent
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Hi Vincent,

I've suggested some changes.

I wouldn't talk about the 'interviewer character'. It sounds too much like flattery.

Good luck with this, Clive

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Dear Nancy,

Thank you for the opportunity to discuss the position of Multimedia Developer with you. Our meeting helped me to better understand your company’s goals, reaffirmed my belief that this is the organization I would like to work for, and gave me the opportunity to see your outstanding office envrionment. I hope you saw that my experience and qualifications match the requirements you seek. I believe I will produce exactly what your organization and its clients require, and beyond.

Since multimedia development is a personal interest in my life, I shall work with enthusiasm. Currently I am improving my Interpersonal and IT skills, as these are also important for my career. I wouldn't include this part myself. But, perhaps you should? It's your decision. >>> Incidentally, I would like to thank you for making me aware that I was slightly defensive at certain times in the interview and I would like to apologize about this. I hope you will not view this as a negative but instead give me an opportunity to learn from the experience.

I appreciate the time you took to interview me. I hope to hear from you soon, and would be pleased to meet with you again for another interview.

Sincerely,
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thanks alot clive. I really appreciate someone like you in the forum would willing to help. thanks again.
Hi,

Can your sentence be "I wouldn't talk about the 'interviewer's character.'?

And could it be appropriate to include some emotionally charged words to "up" the ' formal' letter like this?

...Our meeting helped me better understand your company's goals, strongly reaffirmed my belief that your company is indeed the organization I would like ot work for dearly..
Hi Vincent,I had the same issues over and over again.I have a relative which English is his mother tongue and I always used him to check my grammar when writing important emails.It became so uncomfortable that I decided I must take some English lessons to overcome this and improve my grammar.You can find many English lessons online, which can make wonders to your grammar.I also found English grammar correction software that fixes grammar and suggest better alternatives to some words. You can check them out. They also have free trials at the bottom of the page: WhiteSmokeThis software acts directly on your email or any other text editor and works like in the same manner a regular spell checker would work.
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.