Hello,

I'm a student from germany and i want to participate at an exchange program at a California University. I need to write a letter of motivation. Any kind of help would be very usefull, not only about the grammar, but also about the content.

Thank you in advance for all who will help me.

Here is the letter:

Dear XXX:

Please consider my application for the student exchange program at XXX for the fall semester 2007. I am currently a second-year student at XXX in the Mechanical Engineering Department and expect to receive my “Vordiplom” in July, 2007.

The engineering department of XXX has an educational partnership agreement with XXX and that’s why I would like to take the chance to participate in the exchange program at XXX.

Studying abroad is a big challenge in a number of aspects. It requires me to leave friends and family behind and throws me into a new cultural and working environment. But I am expecting to improve my employment prospects when graduating from HsKA because a period of studying abroad will help me to be more mature, to have better social skills and to be more flexible in my thinking. Moreover it will advance my ability to cope with change and the unexpected.

Moreover it will help me to develop my language skills. I want to prove, both to myself and others, that I really can work successfully in an English-speaking environment.

On this program I will have the chance to meet people from all over the world which will broaden my cultural awareness and will contribute to my flexibility and creativity. Studying and living in a different culture will help me to see the world from a completely different perspective.

XXX University provides the opportunity to achieve the goals I expect from a stay abroad. Apart from various academic advantages that American universities in general provide such as tuition in small groups, a more personal atmosphere and very good equipment XXX enjoys a good reputation while offering a wide spectrum of courses and highly qualified professors. As I am planning to become an engineer studying at XXX will deliver insight into the American view of engineering.

On my personal side, I enjoy new challenges and meeting people from other countries and getting acquainted with different cultures. I describe myself as a social, positive and ambitious person. Furthermore, I am responsible and considerate.

I hope I have made clear that I am strongly interested and motivated in studying at your university. Feel free to contact me at any time concerning additional questions or comments regarding my motivation.

Sincerely,
Anonymous
Hello,

I'm a student from germany and i want to participate at an exchange program at a California University. I need to write a letter of motivation. Any kind of help would be very usefull, not only about the grammar, but also about the content.

Thank you in advance for all who will help me.

Here is the letter:

Dear XXX:

Please consider my application for the student exchange program at XXX for the fall semester 2007. I am currently a second-year student at XXX in the Mechanical Engineering Department and expect to receive my “Vordiplom” in July, 2007.

The engineering department of XXX has an educational partnership agreement with XXX and that’s why I would like to take the chance the opportunity to participate in the exchange program at XXX [repetition of XXX above?].

Studying abroad is a big challenge in a number of aspects respects. It requires me to leave friends and family behind, and throws me into a new cultural and working environment. But I am expecting to I hope to improve my employment prospects when graduating from HsKA because as a period of studying abroad will help me to be more mature, to have better social skills and to be more flexible in my thinking. Moreover it will advance my ability to cope with change and the unexpected.

Moreover [repetition] it will help me to develop my language skills. I want to prove, both to myself and others, that I really can work successfully in an English-speaking environment.

On this program I will have the chance to meet people from all over the world which will broaden my cultural awareness and will contribute to my flexibility and creativity. Studying and living in a different culture will help me to see the world from a completely different perspective.

XXX University provides the opportunity to achieve the goals I expect from a stay abroad. Apart from various academic advantages that American universities in general provide such as tuition in small groups, a more personal atmosphere and very good equipment XXX enjoys a good reputation while offering a wide spectrum of courses and highly qualified professors. [This sentence feels long and clunky, though the content is all okay. Can you rework it as two shorter sentences?] As I am planning to become an engineer, studying at XXX will deliver insight into the American view of engineering.

On my personal side, I enjoy new challenges and meeting people from other countries and getting acquainted with different cultures. I describe myself as a social, positive and ambitious person. Furthermore, I am responsible and considerate.

I hope I have made clear that I am strongly interested and motivated in studying at your university. Feel free to contact me at any time concerning additional questions or comments regarding my motivation.

Sincerely,

Just a suggestion: you have used 'culture' / 'cultural awareness' several times - could you rephrase or expand on these parts to prevent it feeling repetitious?
Thank you very much for helping me. This is my next attempt:

Dear XXX:

Please consider my application for the student exchange program at ZZZ for the fall semester 2007. I am currently a second-year student at YYY in the Mechanical Engineering Department and expect to receive my “Vordiplom” in July, 2007.

The engineering department of ZZZ has an educational partnership agreement with YYY and for this reason I would like to take the opportunity to participate in the exchange program at ZZZ.

Studying abroad is a big challenge in a number of respects. It requires me to leave friends and family behind and throws me into a new cultural and working environment. But I hope to improve my employment prospects when graduating from YYY as a period of studying abroad will help me to be more mature, to have better social skills and to be more flexible in my thinking. Moreover it will advance my ability to cope with change and the unexpected and will help me to develop my language skills. I want to prove, both to myself and others, that I really can work successfully in an English-speaking environment.

On this program I will have the chance to meet people from all over the world which will broaden my cultural awareness and will contribute to my flexibility and creativity. Studying and living in a different culture will help me to see the world from a completely different perspective.

ZZZ provides the opportunity to achieve the goals I expect from a stay abroad and enjoys a good reputation while offering a wide spectrum of courses and highly qualified professors. American universities in general provide various academic advantages such as tuition in small groups, a more personal atmosphere and very good equipment. As I am planning to become an engineer studying at ZZZZ will deliver insight into the American view of engineering.

On my personal side, I enjoy new challenges and I always do my best. I love travelling and meeting people from other countries. I describe myself as a social, positive and ambitious person. Furthermore, I am responsible and considerate.

I hope I have made clear that I am strongly interested and motivated in studying at your university. Feel free to contact me at any time concerning additional questions or comments regarding my motivation.

Sincerely,
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Looks good to me - just a couple more suggestions:

and working environment. But I hope to improve - delete 'But'.

ZZZ provides the opportunity to achieve the goals I expect from a stay abroad - more natural to say something like 'ZZZ will allow me to fulfill my goals in studying abroad'. You will need a comma after this clause too.

become an engineer studying at ZZZZ - needs a comma after engineer

ZZZZ will deliver insight - a more natural vocabulary choice might be 'provide' or 'give me'

Good luck!
Thanks a lot! I worked it over and hope that it's correct now.

Other suggestions are still helpfully.

Dear XXX:

Please consider my application for the student exchange program at ZZZ for the fall semester 2007. I am currently a second-year student at YYY in the Mechanical Engineering Department and expect to receive my “Vordiplom” in July, 2007.

The engineering department of ZZZ has an educational partnership agreement with YYY and for this reason I would like to take the opportunity to participate in the exchange program at CSUF.

Studying abroad is a big challenge in a number of respects. It requires me to leave friends and family behind and throws me into a new cultural and working environment. I hope to improve my employment prospects when graduating from YYY as a period of studying abroad will help me to be more mature, to have better social skills and to be more flexible in my thinking. Moreover it will advance my ability to cope with change and the unexpected and will help me to develop my language skills. I want to prove, both to myself and others, that I really can work successfully in an English-speaking environment.

On this program I will have the chance to meet people from all over the world which will broaden my cultural awareness and will contribute to my flexibility and creativity. Studying and living in a different culture will help me to see the world from a completely different perspective.

ZZZ will allow me to fulfill my goals in studying abroad, and enjoys a good reputation while offering a wide spectrum of courses and highly qualified professors. American universities in general provide various academic advantages such as tuition in small groups, a more personal atmosphere and very good equipment. As I am planning to become an engineer, studying at ZZZ will give me an insight into the American view of engineering.

On my personal side, I enjoy new challenges and I always do my best. I love travelling and meeting people from other countries. I describe myself as a social, positive and ambitious person. Furthermore, I am responsible and considerate.

I hope I have made clear that I am strongly interested and motivated in studying at your university. Feel free to contact me at any time concerning additional questions or comments regarding my motivation.

Sincerely,
Hello again,

how about grammar and spelling in my letter. Do I have to capitalize "Mechanical Engineering Department" or not?

There are maybe other mistakes. Please help.

Regards
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Yes, the department name should be capitalised.