Here is my essay. If you have any suggestions or see any grammatical errors, all of your help is appreciated. Anything you can do will help. Also, it is an informal opinion essay and I am ingrade 10. Thank - you.

Lord of the Flies

In 1954, William Golding’s Lord of the Flies was first published. Some years later, Peter Brook directed a film version of this novel in the UK. Now that I have both read the novel and seen the film, I am able to compare the two. Due to the movie’s lack of realisticness, its unprofessional acting and its lack of interesting aspects, I definitely preferred the novel.

The novel was much more realistic; many aspects of the movie seemed fake. Firstly, when the boys first met, after Ralph blew the conch, their clothes looked perfectly clean. It would seem more natural to have dirty, tattered clothes after having survived a plane crash, but these boys looked as if they had just dressed themselves in clean clothes. Secondly, another instance in which the movie seemed unrealistic was when Ralph, Jack and Simon rolled a large rock down a long, grassy hill. It was clear that the rock had landed in grass, however, the sound effects were so exaggerated that it sounded as if the rock had crashed onto something much harder. When the sound effects are as poor as they are in this film, it is hard to see these as real events. Lastly, when Jack saw the first pig, and lifted his knife in the air, as if he was about to stab the small animal, the pig was several feet away. In the novel, Golding made it seem as if the pig was close enough to be caught. He wrote, "He raised his arm into the air . . . and the blade continued to flash at the end of a bony arm. The pause was only long enough for them to understand the enormity of the downward stroke would be. Then the piglet tore loose from the creepers and scurried into the undergrowth" (40). Golding’s description was much more successful than was the scene, because his writing was much more realistic. Also, the scene was much too short to seem real. Because these three, and many other events in the film seemed fake, the novel was much better, in that respect.

Not only did the events in the film seem fake, but the boys’ words and emotions seemed fake as well, due to poor acting. Everything the boys said and did seemed either forced, or insincere. For example, at the first feast, when Simon gave his meat to Piggy, because Jack would not give him any, Jack threw another slab of meat at Simon and said, "Eat! Damn you!" (92). In the novel, we are told that Simon says this angrily. However, in the film, instead of being angry, Simon said this in an almost calm way, making the scene seem less realistic, and rather boring. Another scene in the movie where the acting was extremely fake was when Piggy and Ralph were talking about having killed Simon. Overwhelmed, Ralph said "Oh Piggy!", and buried his face in his arms. Because Ralph exclaimed this so randomly, and because his crying seemed so fake, this really detracted from the scene. Furthermore, when the other boys came out of the forest, crying "Piggy! Piggy!", their voices were very obvious. And, worse than the other boys’ voices was Piggy’s reaction to them, ruining the entire scene. The boys’ acting was unprofessional and made the novel seem much better than the film.

Much like the unprofessional acting in the film, its tiresome aspects detracted from the entire film as well. First of all, the change from scene to scene was too quick; the scenes did not flow. As a result of this, events become hard to follow, making the movie less interesting than the novel. Also, some important parts were left out of the film. For example, some of the chapters were filled with descriptions of the setting, such as the following: "The floods of light fell more nearly to the perpendicular, the stark colours of the morning were smoothed in pearl and opalescence" (73). The director could have chosen to film different parts of the island in order to separate the major scenes, but instead, he did not, which left the scenes choppy. Hence, the events are sometimes hard to follow, causing us to lose interest. Finally, there is much less action in the film than in the novel. For example, when Golding was describing the savage boys going after Simon in chapter nine, he wrote, "At once the crowd surged after it, poured down the rock, leapt on to the beast, screamed, struck, bit, tore" (188). However, when this scene was shown in the film, the boys merely stood in a circle, softly swinging sticks in the air. Because of the lack of action and realisticness in this scene, it was dull and tiresome. Each of these aspects made the entire film rather boring, compared to the novel.

In comparison, I can say, without hesitation, that I certainly preferred William Golding’s novel Lord of the Flies over Peter Brook’s film version of the same story. When reading Golding’s descriptions of different events, images and characters in the novel, I am able to visualise them, creating the untold parts of the story myself. After having watched the film, I can now say that I was quite disappointed with its lack of realisticness, its unprofessional acting, and last but not least, its abundance of boring, tiresome aspects. I had expected the film to have a lot more flare; it is definite that the novel was my preference.
Hi Danielle,

I think that you've done quite a good job, actually.

I would use realism instead of realisticness. You should also start learning to avoid filler (words that don't help communicate definite information), for instance:

This sentence at the end of your essay-- In comparison, I can say, without hesitation, that I certainly preferred William Golding’s novel Lord of the Flies over Peter Brook’s film version of the same story.--

should be boiled down to this sentence-- I preferred William Golding’s novel over Peter Brook’s film version of the same story.

A longer essay full of padding is not as good as a short and sweet one that is direct and to the point.
Thank - you so much! You're right, realism does sound better than realisticness, and I did not know that about filler words or whatever. I'll change that sentence. Anyone else?
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Also, were there any other sentences that you thought I should change?
Mister MicawberHi Danielle,

I think that you've done quite a good job, actually.

I would use realism instead of realisticness. You should also start learning to avoid filler (words that don't help communicate definite information), for instance:

This sentence at the end of your essay-- In comparison, I can say, without hesitation, that I certainly preferred William Golding’s novel Lord of the Flies over Peter Brook’s film version of the same story.--

should be boiled down to this sentence-- I preferred William Golding’s novel over Peter Brook’s film version of the same story.

A longer essay full of padding is not as good as a short and sweet one that is direct and to the point.

Okay, I have revised my entire essay, here is its. I have to have it printed in thirteen hours, so if you could look over it, or if anyone could look over it, for that matter, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank - you, Danielle.

Here it is:

Lord of the Flies

In 1954, William Golding’s Lord of the Flies was first published. Some years later, Peter Brook directed a film version of this novel in the UK. Now that I have both read the novel and viewed the film, I am able to compare the two. Due to the movie’s lack of realism, its unprofessional acting and its absence of interesting aspects, I definitely preferred the novel.

The novel was much more realistic; many aspects of the movie seemed fake. Firstly, in the film, when the boys first met after Ralph blew the conch, their clothes were perfectly clean. It would appear more natural to have dirty, tattered clothes after having survived a plane crash, but these boys looked as if they had just dressed themselves in clean clothes. Secondly, another occasion in which the movie seemed unrealistic was when Ralph, Jack and Simon rolled a large rock down a long, grassy hill. It was obvious that the rock had landed in grass, however, the sound effects were so exaggerated that it sounded as if the rock had crashed onto something much harder. When the sound effects are as poor as they are in this film, it is hard to see these as real events. Lastly, when Jack saw the first pig, and lifted his knife in the air, as if he was about to stab the small animal, the pig was several feet away. In the novel, Golding made it seem as if the pig was close enough to be caught. He wrote, "He raised his arm into the air . . . and the blade continued to flash at the end of a bony arm. The pause was only long enough for them to understand the enormity of the downward stroke would be. Then the piglet tore loose from the creepers and scurried into the undergrowth" (40). Golding’s description was much more successful than was the scene, because his writing was much more realistic. Also, the scene was much too short to feel real. Because these three, and many other events in the film seemed fake, the novel was much better, in that respect.

Not only did the events in the film appear fake, but the boys’ words and emotions seemed fake as well, due to poor acting. Everything the boys said and did seemed either forced, or insincere. Forinstance, at the first feast, when Simon gave his meat to Piggy, because Jack would not give him any, Jack threw another slab of meat at Simon and said, "Eat! Damn you!" (92). In the novel, we are told that Simon says this angrily. However, in the film, instead of being angry, Simon said this in an almost calm way, making the scene seem less realistic, and rather boring. Another incident in the movie where the acting was extremely fake was when Piggy and Ralph were talking about having killed Simon. Overwhelmed, Ralph said "Oh Piggy!", and buried his face in his arms. Because Ralph exclaimed this so randomly, and because his crying seemed so fake, this really detracted from the scene. Furthermore, when the other boys came out of the jungle crying, "Piggy! Piggy!", their voices were very obvious. And, worse than the other boys’ voices was Piggy’s reaction to them, spoiling the entire scene. The boys’ acting was unprofessional and made the novel seem much better than the film.

Much like the unprofessional acting in the film, its tiresome aspects detracted from the entire film as well. First of all, the transition from scene to scene was too quick; the scenes did not flow. As a result of this, the events became hard to follow, making the movie less interesting than the novel. Also, some important parts were omitted from the film. For example, some of the chapters were filled with descriptions of the setting, such as the following: "The floods of light fell more nearly to the perpendicular, the stark colours of the morning were smoothed in pearl and opalescence" (73). The director could have chosen to film different parts of the island in order to separate the major scenes, but instead, he did not, which left the scenes choppy. Hence, the events are sometimes hard to follow, causing us to lose interest. Finally, there is much less action in the film than in the novel. For example, when Golding was describing the savage boys going after Simon in chapter nine, he wrote, "At once the crowd surged after it, poured down the rock, leapt on to the beast, screamed, struck, bit, tore" (188). However, when this scene was displayed in the film, the boys merely stood in a circle, softly swinging sticks in the air. Because of the lack of action and realism in this scene, it was dull and tiresome. Each of these aspects made the entire film rather boring, compared to the novel.

I preferred William Golding’s novel Lord of the Flies over Peter Brook’s film version of the same story. When reading Golding’s descriptions of different events, images and characters in the novel, I am able to visualise them, creating the untold parts of the story myself. After having watched the film, I can now say that I was quite disappointed with its lack of realism, its unprofessional acting, and last but not least, its abundance of boring, tiresome aspects. I had expected the film to have a lot more flare; it is definite that the novel was my preference.
Go with it, and let us know your teacher's comments (and your grade!) on it.
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I have handed it in, however, I don't think I will know how well I did until I get my essay back, which could be anywhere from a few days to a few weeks.